A little different this year

My kids are all grown now. All in their 20's and the oldest pushing 30. For the past several years I've relished the idea of redoing what I put on the Christmas tree. Like, away with the things they made in school, or the ornaments I got them each year growing up. 

The storm trooper and Frodo, the little kitten and the C3P0. My reasoning has been they don't really care anyway, what I put on the tree. So, one year I went to Menard's and bought all new fairly inexpensive red and green ornaments and the tree was a theme instead of hodgepodge stuff. 

Then one year I bought a tinsel tree. A table top size, but I wanted "different" that year because everything in my life had changed, or so I thought. 

Three years ago we downsized and have not had enough room to put up our full sized tree which just stays in the box. So, I bought a real tree from Whole Foods and I just put "special" ornaments on it.   I wanted a gold and silver vintage theme. It worked for me. I loved the little vintage looking tree.

Yesterday I got out the ornament box to decorate the table top tree I bought at Hobby Lobby at half price a couple of weeks ago. I put on the Frank Sinatra station on Pandora and went to work. The new tree is my first pre-lit tree.

I started out with a vintage theme again. I bypassed Frodo again and then I saw the ornament that the nursery made when my 24 year old daughter was a mere 3 months old. 

A sentimental warmth mixed with sadness washed over me and I picked it up and put it on the tree. I found one my son made in first grade. A hand drawn and colored elf. I found a faded green construction paper wreath of my oldest son's making with his 1st grade picture inside. This went on my tree as well. 

I didn't cry, but i felt like it. The feels were coming, I could tell. My "kids" who are 29, 27 and 24....looking at them again as little ones. 

Out came another angel from their childhood.

Then my daughter came home from work. She added the new storm trooper ornament given to her by a co-worker. 

This year, my tree is themed "I remember and I'm grateful for the memories". I'm looking forward to making more. 

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First admission is that I went quite a bit over 5 minutes for this! It's been several months since I've done this and I really wanted to get these words down. :)

I'm linking up with other brave and bold writers at fiveminutefriday.com for Five Minute Friday. The idea is to write for five straight with no edits, just for the fun of it. This week's prompt is the word different.

Thanks so much for stopping by!

Blessings and Merry Christmas,

Anne

 

Layers

yellow feathers collect at the bottom of his cage

it's that season again

a season of shedding the old to make way for the new

i'm like him

the old, outdated parts of me are shedding

they've been peeling away like outdated wallpaper to reveal yet more layers underneath

when will the peeling back of layers be completed?

his molting and growing of new feathers will be complete in a matter of weeks

mine may take weeks, months or even years

a lifetime of time-worn layers peeling off

being scraped away as extra grout

laying at my feet

discarded

how can I ever paste them back to me?

i cannot

nor would I ever want to

those layers of me are in the past

they are no longer me

i will never be the same 

the old me and the new me dance until the day the new me

the new layer is complete

When you need to be mom to yourself

Linking up today with Five Minute Friday, wild and free writers writing on a prompt for five minutes straight, with no fancy edits. I'm linked up over at Kate Motaung's blog. Head on over to see what others have written on the prompt, "mom".


Several years ago, I began a quest, a journey, to wholeness and wholeheartedness.  Lots of physical symptoms were popping up in my body and life, alerting me to changes that must be made.

For the past seventeen years, I've been determined on this quest to be a mom to myself. That's right, regardless of the parents I had as a child, I realized I needed to be "mom" to the little child that was still residing inside of me, and always would be there..

I started slowly to

#1 realize she was there

#2 realize she needed me as an ally and friend and "parent"

#3 realize she needed healing

Several opportunities arose for me to help me on this journey. Counseling, yes. And also, an inner child healing ministry.

Sometimes, because of the healing I've received in the past 17 years and counting, I want to be a "mom" to the whole world (even though I KNOW that's not my job, but I can pray..)

And, you know what the mom in me wants to tell my biological kids and the "kids" of the whole world? (the kids inside us adults and the real kids!)

I want to reveal to them the secret of life indeed.

Life abundant.

Life healed and whole.

I believe this secret knowledge is available to everyone. But we must BELIEVE and SPEAK it over ourselves.

Here it is:

WE ARE 100% ACCEPTABLE AND LOVABLE JUST THE WAY WE ARE. 

 Thanks for stopping by today, friend! I hope this good news has helped you in some way. 

Blessings to you in abundance,

Anne

a better place to be

Linking up today with Five Minute Friday. A group of writers who write on a prompt for five minutes straight, with out fancy edits. This week's prompt is "more". 




so many years I stayed attached, tethered
to those around me. loved ones who I mistakenly thought I could change
on a moment's notice.

no.

I cannot.

why did it take this long to realize that all who are alive on this planet are on their own life's journeys, learning their own life lessons and I have nothing to do with it except to be a companion.

a friend, a comrade to come alongside the ones I love, the strangers I meet,

to observe.

not control.  not manipulate. not cajole into doing or being anything

except what their Creator made them to be. 



yes, more detachment means more peace.

better alignment in expectations means I have more peace, too.

this will be a life long journey, I see, to make this adjustment in life long patterns of thinking and being.

I am unhinging from old patterns of relating with myself and others. untethered to fly free in the unknown.

Yes, uncertainty is scary, but hanging on to old patterns of being is stifling and suffocating.

I'm learning and leaning on the One who can help me down new paths.
Learning my own life lessons along the way, but I belong.

I know that now.
I belong here. 
I accept myself right where I am, on the way to where I need to be.

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Thanks for stopping by today!

Blessings,

Anne

What's in your circle?

Linking up with other writers today for Five Minute Friday. A flash mob of writers who write for five minutes without going back to do fancy editing.  Hop on over to Kate Motaung's blog to see what it's all about.  This week's prompt is "control".

Everywhere I turn I see people trying to control others by their words and actions. I've even been on the receiving end of this type of control and I know what it feels like. 

It doesn't feel good. 

So, why do I often find myself with the urge if not the actual actions or words coming out of my mouth trying to control a person in my circle or the events or circumstances around me? It doesn't work!! And, I know how it feels to be on the receiving end, so why would I do it?

It's ingrained I think. And you know what else? I think fear is at the root of control.

I'm afraid my expectations won't be met.
I'm afraid my needs won't be met.
I'm afraid my voice won't be heard.

I'm afraid that I won't be seen.
I'm afraid my opinion is not important so my voice might get a little louder.

I heard something recently that made a whole lot of sense. It actually came from my husband from something he learned at work.

He talked about the circle of concern and the circle of control.
There are things in life that we can be concerned about that we cannot control. Which are most things, by the way. 

Then there is the circle of things I can control. Picture two circles, one inside the other. The smaller circle is the bulls eye. The circle of things we can control. 

That pretty much leaves us. Our own person, ideas, faith and our being. 

Simple.


*not simple. Just kidding

Blessings to you today,


Anne

The gift to give yourself

Today I'm joining other writers for Five Minute Friday. The prompt is "refine". For the first time ever, I wrote for five minutes, but then let myself keep going. I don't normally like to do that, but I had a lot to say about the topic I chose to write on and the words just kept coming.  Go on over to katemotaung.com to see how you can join in this flash mob of writers too! 

START.

I'm not known for being too organized or efficient. I'm also not known for caring too much about it either. Well, I do care. But, it is definitely not something I'm striving for, to do more quickly.

Maybe I could refine that and improve, but I've never been one to like New Years resolutions. They have always seemed like something that sets one up for failure. I have enough trouble staying in a good place with self esteem, so no resolutions.

I have discovered something about energy balance and self care recently though and I'm passionate enough about the results that I'm going to continue refining what I know and things I do about these two catagories long after 2017 is out the door. 

Know why? 
Peace. 
Joy.
Space to breathe.

Space to think, grow and learn.

Energy balance.
I don't mean acupuncture or holistic medicine. I mean the balance of what kind of energy I'm letting into my life and what energy I'm letting out. 

I've refined my follow feeds on all my social media. This hasn't been a choice really, as I look at how my body handles stress. If something is causing negativity and resulting stress, it's going off my radar.

It might be my age talking here, but I don't have enough margin in my physical, emotional and mental health to tolerate negativity any more. 

Self care. 

Huge!! 

What do I need right now? What will bring joy and help me to focus on gratitude?

STOP

I read just yesterday that if you're grateful, there's no room in your brain for anger. This is from a well known author, but really, I could have told you that. 

If you're like me, anger about just about anything can creep in pretty sinister like. Before you know it, we're feeding that anger and it's getting bigger. According to this author, what we feed gets bigger. 

However,

by intentionally beginning to focus energy and attention on gratitude, the anger has no where to go but out. 

In the beginning of 2016 I started a gratitude jar. I bought a vintage jar and found scraps of paper at first and put these on a prominent shelf in my living room. Every night before bed, I stopped at this shelf and wrote out at least one thing I was grateful for that day. 

I watched this jar fill up. Then, I had to go junking to find another vintage jar because I just can't use a new one. At the end of the year I had filled two big jars to the very brim, even having to shove the pieces down in each one for 365 gratitudes to fit in them.

On New Year's Day I had a huge gift to give myself and it lasted into the next week. I started reading through all of those 365 gratitudes that I'd written each day of last year.

I smiled as I reminisced my time in June with my tribe in Maine. I chuckled at something my hubby had said to me in August. I warmed as I read "today my daughter came home from England" on July 20th. So. Many. Gratitudes. And, I had given this gift to myself without knowing it.

Without knowing it, I had filled two big jars with tons of positive energy. Those two jars sat in my house giving off positive vibes (not trying to be woo-woo here, just funny). It was all I could do to wait until New Year's Day to dig in to them and start being grateful all over again. 


I've begun my 2017 gratitude jar and I'm excited. Every night before bed, I stop at the shelf with the jar and my paper and pen and pause. Sometimes it's hard to think of something right away if the day has been kind of hard.

But this forces me to think of even the littlest thing to write down. Maybe Mr. Cardinal stopped in my fir tree for just a few minutes bringing me joy.

It's not too late to start preparing a huge gift for yourself on New Year's Day 2018! 

Thanks for stopping by today friend.

Blessings, 

Anne

when the muse shows up

Linking up today with other wild and free writers at Kate Motaung's place for the first Five Minute Friday of the new year. This week's prompt is middle.  Five minute Friday is a time when we write for five minutes straight without fancy edits. Just writing for the fun of it. Come on over to Kate's blog to find out how you can join in in 2017!




Sometimes you just don't know when the creative muse is going to show up. It was in the middle of the week before Christmas. I was on the 2nd day of the worst cold I've had in my life. I was sitting on the sofa with my journal and a cup of tea and the muse showed up. 

I had wanted to write a short story for my daughter's short story collaboration called Meet Cute. But, I told her, I just don't have a story ready. I was also hesitant because what if it wasn't good enough for her to pick for her book?? How would I feel?

Well, all of that went by the wayside that morning in December. My pen started moving across my journal pages as fast as you can imagine. I couldn't really believe it myself. I just kept writing and writing and it was fun. I wasn't editing as I went along either. I wasn't scrutinizing my writing. I was just having fun and letting the words tumble out of me and through my pen and onto the page. 

And, I had let myself off the hook. I had told myself it didn't matter if she, as the editor of the Meet Cute book, chose my meet cute story. I decided it mattered just to write a story for fun and see what happened after that.

That's when the creativity usually shows up, doesn't it? It shows up when it isn't pressured to show up. It shows up when it doesn't have to be "included" or perfect. It wants to be free to just "be". 

I loved writing the story called Matt and the Beauty, based on how I met my future husband. 

And, you know what? My daughter really liked it.*

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Thanks for stopping by today! It's lovely to have you here,

Anne

*My short story, Matt and the Beauty, will be published along with 18 other short stories with the "meet cute" theme! Meet Cute is a collaboration of short stories along with illustrations from separate artists from around the world. So excited for my daughter Kara Landhuis, editor. Find out more at meetcutebook.com!