{Day 12}: faith for your soul

It would be a huge mistake for me to go through all month of Soul Spa posts and not tell you about the Best Soul Spa I've ever had, and it's been a life-long journey.

It began in second grade when I went with a friend to a girls Bible club. I was visiting that day, and the leaders explained to my group about God's love for us and how Jesus died on the cross for our sins and shortcomings. Even at the young age of 8 years old, I knew about Jesus because my parents had taken me to church since I was a little girl.

But, I'd never made my belief in Jesus a personal one. Somehow, I knew I needed to. I needed to receive Jesus' love for myself and tell Him I agreed with Him about the bad things I'd done or thought. (I'm sure the time I had "borrowed" my cousin's Barbie's outfit came to mind.)

That day in 2nd grade, I asked Jesus to come into my life, (my soul) and stay. I told Him I believed in His death on the cross for me. And, I also believed that He had risen from the dead (in real life) about two thousand years ago.

Life didn't magically become perfect for me. Following Jesus doesn't guarantee a perfect life, but it does guarantee He'll always be with us. Always.

I still experienced heartache and wounds. I knew in my heart I was never alone, though. That Jesus was always with me.

I can't even tell you how many times I've gone through a low spot, or even a storm in my life, where God has been with me, strengthening me and giving me grace to get through it. He's restored my broken heart countless times and helped me to forgive time and time again.

God restores my soul.
He satisfies my spiritual thirst and hunger with His love.

His promises are true and trustworthy.
He's proved it in my life over and over again.

Tomorrow, I'll share a way that I deepened my relationship with God when I was eighteen. And, I've never looked back.



Do you have a personal relationship with God? Would you like to?
Have you felt the restoration of soul that the scriptures in this post talk about?

I'd love to hear your story in the comments, or if you have any questions about this step of faith, please ask in the comments or write your email in the comments and I will help in any way I can.

Blessings and love to you, friends,

~Anne

Thanks for joining me for 31 Days of Soul Spas! Today is Day 12! Please go here to see a list of all the posts this month so far! 

This post is part of #write31days for the whole month of October. Check out write31days.com if you are interested to learn more!

watering seeds

Linking up today with others at Five Minute Friday, where a tribe of writers write for five minutes straight on a single prompt. No fancy edits, just writing for the fun of it! Hop on over to Kate Motaung's place to find out how to join in! Today's prompt is doubt.



If hope is that thing with feathers that sits within the soul, doubt is the anchor tied to our weary feet that sinks fast and weighs us down more than anything else. 

Hope springs eternal, but doubt kills.

The other morning I was standing at my kitchen sink watering the succulent that is on my window sill, and words formed in my spirit. They were unmistakable. A message from either my soul, or the Divine, I'm not sure which, but the words were almost loud enough for me to hear with my ears.

"Are you watering seeds of doubt, or seeds of faith?"

It was one of those times where I stopped dead in my tracks, with the water glass positioned in mid-air, as I let those words roll around in my head, and make their way the twelve or so inches down to my heart. 

In fact, those words were so profound that I spent the rest of the day thinking about them. I couldn't shake them.

See, lately, with some long standing health issues that don't seem to want to move on out of my life, I've had my doubts at times that I'll ever be without them. 

They seem like a boat anchor tied to my feet, keeping my faith from soaring. Keeping my eyes down low, down at my feet instead of up, up into the grand future that God has planned out for me.

I've decided since that message from the Divine that I need to get my watering can out and give my faith a drink of bright cool water. And refresh my weary soul.




Thanks for stopping by today, friend!
I hope your weary soul is refreshed!

Blessings to you!

~Anne

The biggest thief of a settled spirit

The biggest thief of a settled spirit is not just a thief in the night, although that’s when it strikes me the most lately. This thief sneaks through the door of inner peace any time in the day or night. Sometimes it poses as an angel of light. A deceiver. 

Telling you things that are not true. Things that poison your spirit. Things that make it anything but settled. Things that make it rattled instead.

This thief is FEAR.

Fear has been defined as:

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

And, so it is.

Yesterday, I explained to my Bible study friends that sometimes I feel as if I’m living in the Matrix movie. I don’t remember much of anything about this movie (honestly, I didn't get most of it when I watched it some time ago), except for what my husband reminded me of the other day.

He said that in the movie, everything around the characters was a mirage, a deception, and only by taking the red pill were they able to see the truth. It was only then that the lights really went on and they saw through the deception all around them.

"The red pill and its opposite, the blue pill, are pop culture symbols representing the choice between embracing the sometimes painful truth of reality (red pill) and the blissful ignorance of illusion (blue pill)."--Wikipedia on The Matrix movie

Sometimes I feel like life is this way. Oh, everything around me isn’t a lie. That’s not what I mean. What I mean is that when I am not aware of my fears, I can tend to let them take the better part of me. I can tend to let them rule my life, and pretty soon, I am cowering to fear, instead of basing my decisions on the truth.

What will they think of me if I say that?

What will happen if I step out?

I have a hard time going to sleep. Tonight will be no different. I’ll lay there for hours.

What’s going to happen to my family?

See how these fearful thoughts can sneak in like a thief and steal our peace? This thief might even pose as

healthy concern

awareness

being in control.

But, these are fears that are really stealing a settled spirit.

“Fear always distorts our perception and confuses us as to what is going on. Love is the total absence of fear. Love asks no questions. Its natural state is one of extension and expansion, not comparison and measurement. Love, then, is really everything that is of value, and fear can offer us nothing because it is nothing.” –Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D.

 Fear is nothing.

Wow. Haven’t thought of it as nothing, but if it is really false evidence appearing as real, it is truly nothing.

The opposite of fear is faith.

My faith is in God who says that He is Love. And, perfect love casts out all fear. (I John 4:18)

I held up my Bible and told my Bible study friends, 

“It’s like this is the little red pill.”

Sounds like kind of a crude comparison.

The Bible compared to a little red pill?

What God says in His Word is my anchor.  The truth and hope God gives is the anchor of my soul.

The Truth that can be relied upon when my fears seek to steal my peace.

Jesus says, "If you had faith like a mustard seed, you would say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and be planted in the sea’; and it would obey you." Luke 17:6

Lets ask the Author of our faith for more faith to replace our fears.

"fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

He promises to be faithful.

“…for He Himself has said, 'I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you." Hebrews 11:5b

These are promises that can lead us to a settled spirit.

Thanks for stopping by, friend!

This post is part three is a series titled How to Have a Settled Spirit. Here are part one and part two.

Linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart and Three Word Wednesday.

There's nothing so sweet

Today is Five Minute Friday~I'm joining lots of other creatives over at Lisa Jo Baker's blog to write on the prompt: "nothing". No editing in the writing. Just writing for the fun of it. Won't you stop by over there, or better yet, join in? 

************************************************************

I’ve been finding lately that there’s nothing so sweet as kindness.

Except for maybe hope. 

Hope has been called that thing with feathers that sits within the soul. 

Hope has also been called an anchor. 

I can see how it can be both those things. 

Something so light, that it’s ready to take off into the highest heavens trying to entice you to catch hold of it.

It is also an anchor. Hope, when all hope is lost is an anchor. That hope I’ve found is in God my Father. 

An anchor isn’t going anywhere. It’s solid. It stays put even in the stormiest seas. Even when the wind beats it, it won’t budge. That’s what true hope is. 

Where have you found this kind of hope?

Back to the kindness thing. 

I guess kindness came first in my mind because I’ve been experiencing the kindness of people in the most unlikely of places. 

Just in my day to day dealings with people. 

And, you know what? That is what’s given me hope lately.

Have you found that to be true too, 

that when you experience kindness from someone, maybe someone you didn’t expect it from, or maybe it’s a total surprise that knocked your socks off….haven’t you found that that unlikely, surprising, coming-out-of-no-where kindness ignites a hope in you that won’t budge? 

That hope that is not unlike an anchor. 

But that hope that has the wings,

the feathers that woo you to take off and fly.

***********************************************

Thanks for stopping by, friend!

Seven things I learned in June

Emily at Chattingatthesky started something really fun. She was doing end of the month posts of the things she learned. Then she invited her readers to do the same and link up. So, I am! Check out her post for this month and link up or join in next month!

Here are my seven things I learned in June.

1. Watching Knight and Day with my hubby never gets old.  Yeah, we are funny. We watch movies over and over again. We both love Knight and Day and watched it for the umpteenth time in June. We love the action (that doesn't take itself too seriously), the chemistry between Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz, and the humor. All the elements we love rolled into one movie. (Never mind that hubby would take Star Trek over any other movie we watch.)


2. A sub-woofer and speakers makes ANY movie better. We moved our college graduate son home in mid-May. What didn't dawn on us right away, dawned on us a few days into his stay at home. That his gargantuan sub-woofer and  speakers would be moving home with him. We came home one night to find he and his 19 year old sister watching a movie on our TV, but with all the extra sound accouterments added. I didn't tell my adult kids, but at that very moment I did a little happy dance inside. See, they both left for the summer at the first of June and hubby and I have been crankin' tunes and watching movies with enhanced sound. Ever since. Did I say it is a big sub-woofer? He might not get them back.



3. My husband loves baby bunnies. So one day, my hubby is out mowing. He comes in and says, with a big grin on his face, "There's a nest of baby bunnies in our back yard! There are six babies!" He practically dragged me out there to see them. Then he carefully uncovered the nest that was hidden underneath in grass clippings and showed me the ball of bunnies nestled inside. Next thing we know, pop! pop!, those bunnies hopped right out of the hole! They were pretty tiny still, so I was worried that they would get hurt and now WE would be responsible! So, my husband put on a pair of gloves and chased these bunnies down, crawling on his hands and knees in the bushes and under the deck. Bunnies rescued! And, my heart warmed.

4. My fear of cooking vegan food has all but disappeared! This is really a bonus. A few years ago, after my son met his future wife, they both decided to become vegan. That's right, no meat, no dairy, no eggs. I think that is great for them, but I'm gonna admit, it kind of freaked me out to think about cooking for them. ANYTIME. Like, I would literally start shaking in my boots. Or shoes.  But, then I found a cookbook at the library that had simple explanations and the way she wrote it didn't make me feel stupid for not knowing how to soak beans, or what hummus was actually made of. Wah, lah. I can now cook vegan. Quite well. And, I'm starting to cut some meat out of my diet in the mean time which isn't all bad. :)



5. People who cook vegan REALLY like to take pictures of their food. I'm on Instagram {annebritty} and one day I made a really good vegan dinner for my hubby and me. I thought, why not take a pic and put it on Instagram? I'm feeling like bragging just a little bit. So, I put that pic on there and within seconds I had ten likes. I know that's not much, but it is for me. So, I click into some of the clickers pics (does that make sense) and I see tons of food pics!! Who knew? I'm now a foodie! (if that's what you call people that take pics of the food they cook)



6. I don't like to be the only shopper. What I mean is that if I'm at a garage sale or a small gift shop where it's obvious that I'm the ONLY one shopping, I feel pressure. I feel a lot of pressure to buy something. I'm not sure where this comes from because I don't think the sellers are necessarily putting that on me. I think I put that on me. So, if I'm at your garage sale as a lone shopper, and I don't buy anything, just know that I still like you.





7. I heart mud love. This could be a long story but I'll try to make it short. In December my engineer husband was asked by two strangers on a flight to help them design deep well water pumps in Africa. (insert breath) It was a divine appointment if I've ever seen one. This last weekend, I went with him to Winona Lake, IN to meet the founders of Design Outreach. Turns out the brother of one of these guys also has a local non-profit. Called Mud Love. Don't you just love that name? Anyway, for every five dollar bracelet they sell, someone in Africa gets clean water for a year. Isn't that just awesome? Anyway, I wanted to tell you all about them because the bracelets (or necklaces) are made out of clay (mud) and they are so cool you are just going to want to buy a truckload. And, they will even custom make one for you. 

So there you have it. Seven things I learned in June and this was so fun I wish I could do it every week. Well, for sure I'll come back and do one at the end of July. Won't you join me?

Who's your daddy?

“Fear hangs out right next to whatever it is you’re most called to do. That means the closer you get to your calling, the louder fear sounds. Keep going–fear is a chihuahua that sounds like a Doberman.” —You’re Made for a God-sized Dream, Chapter Five

This week, Holley (who's book is You're Made for a God-sized Dream) is encouraging us God-sized dreamers to write a letter to the "chihuahua of fear", because fear's bark is bigger than his bite. Here's my letter.

Source: Pinterest

Dear Chihuahua of fear,

Ever since I can remember, you have been yipping at my heels by day and staring at me with your beady eyes at night.

I think you started hanging around regularly in kindergarten, when mom left dad and took me and little brother with her. Oh, I didn’t ask for you. I didn’t want you. But, there you were, causing real-life nightmares at night, I-need-to-go-home-from-school stomach aches, and later on in college--the migraines.

What made you think you could hang around and prey on an innocent young girl’s dreams? Who told you that you had a right?

Now that I have a lot of experience and more years than I’d like to admit under my belt, I can see right through you. You don’t belong to me. You were never wanted, chosen or cherished. (in case you ever wondered)

Oh, I still battle you, but I realize that just as your bark is bigger than your bite, your words don’t hold any weight when they are measured up to the heavy-weight of the Word.  So, just in case you've forgotten what I've already told you dozens of times, I’ll gladly repeat myself.

I am a daughter of the King of Kings and I listen to His voice, not yours.

I don’t belong to you and you don’t belong to me.

When you try to scare me in my dreams, I will always stare you back down and remind you who you are.

When you whisper to me that I’m not enough, I will say back, I am enough in Christ.

When your close friend Shame taps me on the shoulder, I will say, “No. I am the righteousness of God, in Christ. There is no condemnation for this girl!”

And, my hand-made-from-God-sized dream? I say, take your paws off of God’s property!!

My Daddy-God says to me, “Do not fear, I am with you. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will hold you up with My hand.”

See there, Chihuahua of fear? That’s my Daddy speaking and He has the final Word.

Who’s your daddy?

linking up today with other God-sized dreamers at holleygerth.com

When God keeps leaning

She said, "I've lost my faith in God. I don't believe anymore that Jesus is divine. I don't believe anymore that the Bible is completely true." What? I could hardly think. I hung up the phone in stunned disbelief. 

My mind just could not wrap around this new information. How could someone who called herself a devout follower of Jesus before grad school, go to a seminary and end up like this? Without faith? And, what was someone who was supposed to be encouraging me in my own journey-to-my-dream doing telling me these things? I was utterly speechless.

*****************************

I had finally made the decision to pick up the phone and call her after reading a chapter in Holley Gerth's Do What You Can Plan. I'd been hanging on to her phone number for months with the intention to call. {do you ever do that?} I expected to get some encouragement in my journey to grad school. What I got instead was an earful of discouraging words. Words of lost faith and lost hope.

My internal world shifted. I started to really doubt my dream.

The dream I've had for several years to attend The Seattle School in the Counseling Psychology program. My dream of going back to get my master's as an empty-nester. My dream to actually have a dream of my own since my own kids have grown. Did I really want to go somewhere that tested the waters of my faith so much that I would lose it?  What do I do now? I have no Plan B-dream!

I pushed through some fear and called an old friend who I hadn't talked with in fifteen years. 

She was a blessing. She eased my fears. She agreed with me that this was shocking. She wondered with me how this woman had come to this loss-of-faith.  But mostly she encouraged me to keep going. To keep my dream. And, to keep the faith that God is working, speaking and leading.

Honestly, I've had more doubts about everything in the past two months and have not even had much creativity or motivation to write much on here {obviously!}. My admittance to the grad school is for this coming fall 2013. But, it all hinges on my husband getting a job in Seattle. And nothing is happening on that front yet. Nothing. {God, what are you doing?}

People keep asking me, "Why don't you just take online classes? Why not a school around here?" No. Not yet. God is leaning this school heavily on me. Still.

My passion to counsel women who need truth and a touch of grace in their lives pushes me on. I've told God, "I'm going to keep pursuing this dream until you absolutely say no." In the mean time, I am still waiting on His yes.

I'm linking up with other God Sized Dreamers today at holleygerth.com

God's hand is on the combination

One thing I have often done in times that I'm waiting on God to do something (for a dream I have) is to pray "Lord, pour out your wisdom on me." He answers this prayer. Sometimes quietly, where I hardly notice anything right away. Sometimes it seems tangible. It seemed so yesterday.


What followed that prayer are words and a picture in my mind of God holding a padlock in His large hands. A combination lock with a numbered dial. His hand is on the dial and he is turning it to get to the exact combination for my dream. I loved the word picture and the paragraphs that came to me. I hope it encourages you whatever stage you are in waiting for your God sized dream to be realized. It sure encouraged me.

******************************************************************************************************

All things are fitting together for good because you love God and you are called according to his purposes. His purposes will stand. No human being or eternal being can thwart God's good plan for your life. Nothing can stand before God's plan. Nothing. When the timing is right, all will be revealed. All will fall into place. 

Like when you turn a combination lock to the right numbers. Once you have the combination, the lock falls simply in place, into the grooves made to fit that particular combination. It bothers you that you cannot see inside the padlock to see how it all fits together. That's because you are human. I(God) made the padlock, so I know its complete inner workings and I am also the owner of it. I have my hand on the dial. I am moving that dial between numbers. 

Don't despair. My hand is there.

My hand. My timing. 

You have already seen many things that have been fitted into their proper place on the timeline. Things that have needed to take place before I open the door. Before the combination lock fits into place. Trust me with this. I know all things. I prepare all things and all people for my work. I have been preparing you and all those who love you.

This will not be one minute late. This will all happen right on schedule--on my timetable. Trust my timing. It is perfect. Perfect for you, your family and all circumstances surrounding this dream of yours. I have all things in my hands and under my control.

Faith and trust are what is required of you. If you could see into the future, you wouldn't need faith. Faith pleases me. Keep believing in me.

All of your needs are met. All of them. I will continue to meet them all. I continue to fulfill all of your dreams, desires, wants, passions--according to my will and plan. I delight to provide all that you need.

***************
These words encouraged me so much! God has his hand on the dial! Blessings to you!
Anne

Linking up with other God sized dreamers at holleygerth.com 
and at afreshlybrewedlife.com

for when you've been slimed

I'm in the chair. The air smells funny. It smells like there's false friendliness underneath her pasted on smile.  I tell her what I'd like corrected from last week's appointment. She pauses, like a cat before the pounce, while staring at the reflection of me in the mirror in front of us. 

Then, her words slide off her tongue like butter, but underneath is something like a knife that gouges me in the spirit. I instantly feel it--that smell--the smell of being spoken to condescendingly. I feel it. This feeling like being pushed down on the playground or being told by your best friend to go to hell for no reason. 

In my spirit I cock my head to one side, and ask myself if she's just subtly punished me. Her words appear like light, but they are dark and they've cast a gray shadow over me. I'm embarrassed initially. Hurt and angry all at once for being there. But, I say nothing. She initiates chat about surface things while my spirit is feeling slimed and dragged in the mud and if it weren't for wanting things done right this time, I'd walk out. Now.

This is not a new experience for me. The experience of subtly being made to look like the bad guy for nothing I've done wrong. Slimers don't take the blame for their own wrongs. They attempt to throw them on you so maybe you'll carry them and they'll feel scott free. Repeatedly in the past few years I've needed to go to the light of Jesus' face so He can remove the slime--others' and mine. 

Going to Jesus' lit face is mostly not easy because my flesh wants to throw the slime back. I want to throw the slime back onto the slimer instead of bringing the filth to Jesus to wash off. Every fiber in my being wants to retaliate. To fight back. To demand justice.

It's times like this that I remember once again that Jesus is my Defender and Vindicator. He has a way of paying me back when wrongs are said and done to me. His in-the-light-way of living is what I want. Even over the momentary gladness of seeing the slimer squirm under any possible comeback I could come up with. I want the eternal reward. The invisible but very real reward of a clear conscience. Of a peaceful heart knowing I've followed his way and stayed in his Light. Even when it is hard.

1 John 1:7

but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.

I'm linking up with others at Imperfect Prose on Thursdays
at emilywierenga.com. This week's prompt is LIGHT. Join in!

days where you need to dig deep

Today seems a bit dark. It feels like life is closing in with it's gray gnarled fingers and threatening to choke every last shred of joy and creativity out of me. On a day like today, it feels like I am a party of one. Maybe it's just lack of sleep.

It's on days (and nights) like I'm having recently that I need to dig deep into the well where my faith resides. Dig deep to find the gems hidden there that can breathe new life into my sagging mood and motivation. Sometimes even digging seems overwhelming. 

Today I am reminded how I need to lean, trust and rely on God. For everything. I've read that verse hundreds of times in my lifetime and I am tempted to gloss over the facts. 

This morning, feeling like I need to be in control over something that I am currently not able to control, this verse jumped out at me. So many times what I know to be true in my head after many years of following Jesus, hasn't made it's way down the several inches to my heart.

Today lean, trust and rely moved a couple more inches towards my heart. If I am leaning, trusting and relying on God to do things for me that I absolutely cannot do, what is there that I need to control? Nothing. Leaning, trusting and relying on Someone else must mean that I can be resting. What a novel idea that is. Rest.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (amplified Bible)

How about you? Do you ever feel like there are days when you need to remind yourself that Someone else in in charge?

Baby stepping to my God sized dream

Since 2006, my heart has been drawn to The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology.

I wrote a post recently about last year's application experience here, but let's just say that for this 40-something mom with a dream burning a hole in her pocket, applying to a grad school after being out of school since 1986 seemed like a long shot. Could I scribble well enough for the two essays? Curriculum vitae? What is that?

I see how God wants to make something beautiful out of all of of the negative experiences I've had throughout my lifetime.

I see His hand leading me towards this dream of helping others, especially women, to break free from their pasts. 

To break out of emotional bondage and defeated thinking. To be free to use their long-lost voices and be free to be themselves.

Last April, I was accepted into the Counseling Psychology program at The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology.

A huge God sized dream come true for me!

With my husband and family's support, the only thing holding up the dream of actually attending is my husband finding an engineering job in the Seattle area. He has been looking for over a year. No leads yet, but I still have this feeling deep inside me that it will all work out. I sense we are just on the cusp of something really big.

With a bit of trepidation I write these words down. Kind of scary to actually type them because what if it doesn't come true? But, here goes.

I believe God is leading me to this program. I believe He wants me to step out into the next phase of my life's calling and passions and be a part of the Fall 2013 cohort at The Seattle School. In faith, we continue to wait on His timing for my husband's job. And I'm waving my 'Seattle School or Bust' flag from the middle of little old Iowa!

{An update to this post is that as of October 7, 2013, I'm still not there. But the dream still holds on!}

*******

I am linking up with others sharing their God Sized Dreams at holleygerth.com

five little words

She called me on my son's twenty-fourth birthday, on April 25th of this year. I had poured all of the blood, sweat and tears of my story into two essays in the previous few months. My work was done. I had interviewed. I had visited the school. She didn't have to say those five little words, but she did. And she put a forever mark of kindness on my soul.


She didn't have to say them. She could not have possibly known what her words would mean to me. She couldn't have. She only really knows me as an "applicant", someone who wants to come to the school where she works. She is an admissions counselor. It is her job to recruit people. It is her job to make phone calls. To offer assistance. To provide information to would-be students of their graduate programs. 

Her call in April was to tell me the good news. The essays were tough for me. I had to dig deep into my story...the nitty and the gritty. In one of them I had to find an aspect of my story to compare to a film vignette from Paris Je t'aime. A movie I had never heard of and frankly, it was a little weird in my book. I really had to do some searching to find that commonality. But, I did it. The other essay was supposed to answer a question like, "What excites you about this school? Share your story as it relates to your desired life work and passions." Something like that.

I graduated with a Social Work degree in 1986. Let's just say, many moons ago. Could I write in the APA style? (I hadn't a clue...had to research online.) Could I make the needed parallels with my story? Could I put words together to even make any sense to the admissions team? I have to be honest. I had a lot of doubts. I really did. 

So, her call in April. The first few words after hello were, "Congratulations! You've been accepted!"  What she said next is what will forever be etched in my memory. She said, "It is pretty much the consensus of the admissions team that you are a very engaging writer. And, as for me personally, I just reread your essays to prepare to call you, and I think you are a beautiful writer."  It's those last few words, but really the last five that sank way deep down into a place in me that mattered. Those words touched me deeply because they touched the place where my wounding has taken place. My voice. 

She didn't have to say those last five words. She couldn't have known what those words would really mean to me. But, she said them and I have been forever touched by her kindness.

When joy is hard to come by

Waking up with a headache today, joy's been a bit hard to come by. I just posted last night about how I need to choose to believe. To believe God is good. I guess I need to choose my joy today, too. 

It's a difficult thing to grasp, this joy thing. In Galatians it says that joy is a part of the fruit of the Spirit that is already in me as a daughter of God. But, I still need to choose it? I think I remember talking about this in my Sing yourself happy post. You can see I still do not have a handle on this. 

Most of the headache is gone, but my joy meter is still running on empty. What do I do? What do I choose?

I prayed.

God, help me with joy. Help me to have joy. I know that the joy of the Lord is my strength and stronghold and I want to be strong.

Then, I heard in my heart, What brings you joy?

I think the Spirit wanted me to start rehearsing the things that bring me joy. So practical is my God!

getting my hair done
chai tea latte's from Starbucks
making my home look beautiful 
flavored water
encouraging someone else

Those are a few of the things that came in to my head right away. 

Now, I can choose some things from this list. 

I called for an appointment to get my hair cut and colored. Turns out I can get in tomorrow. I texted my daughter, "yay!" Something small to rejoice over.

I'm drinking a SoBe flavored water. happy face.

I'm going to do one thing to beautify my surroundings. I have tons of stuff I could do, but my first thing will be small. Like light my pumpkin spice candle.

My spirit is lighter just thinking about some of these things I can do. 

Thank you, God, for the Indescribable Gift of Your Spirit in me reminding me to choose joy and lovingly showing me how to do it.

When it's hard to see God's face

I choose to believe.

to never give up hope.

God is good

He's in control.

These lyrics to Phillips, Craig and Dean's song resonate through me. They go on to say,

and even when His face is hard to see, 

I choose to believe.

There are definitely times in my life that God's face is hard to see. His voice is hard to hear. I know that doesn't mean He is not there and that He is not in control. But, this song moves me. It touches my heart and reminds me that God is always in control of my circumstances, no matter what it going on. It reminds me to never give up hope.

I do have to choose this however. It is my choice whether to trust that God is good. To trust that He is in control and to trust in Him enough to keep my hope. 

It is my choice. 

I had lunch with my college daughter today. I asked her a question that was posed in my Alpha group a few weeks ago. I asked,"How do you answer someone who asks the question 'what does your relationship with God look like'?"

She said that sometimes she has to choose to read her Bible, or choose to worship or choose to pray, even if her feelings don't match up to that. "Every good relationship has to have time put into it. I can't just meet with them once in awhile and expect that relationship to be a close one. The same is true in my relationship with God." Very wise words from a girl of nineteen.


God is indeed a good God.