what I'm doing with imperfection

This is me. With the thirty or so pounds I wanted to lose before going on a big European vacation. Instead, they're coming with me.

With the uncertainty about how I'll sleep, or get on with being gluten free in Germany, Denmark, France and England.

Yep, this is me. 

I have only one choice here with this disappointment that I didn't meet the goal that I wanted to. 

One choice in being gluten free in Europe.

My one choice is acceptance.

Acceptance of my imperfection. And, thankful for the gifts of imperfection, really. 

Because it makes me more aware that just because I'm going to Germany and Denmark on a business trip with my husband, and then ending up in England to see my daughter (after six months of her being there on a Gap Year project), this trip will not be perfect, because nothing in life is perfect! 

So, I have my imperfect self to thank for reminding me of this. 
For reminding me to accept myself in all of my imperfection. (no bikini body here. No going into any restaurant I want and ordering anything I want.)

Instead, learning the word for "gluten free" in three foreign languages and being ready with it on a piece of paper (or my cell phone) to hold up when we go out for dinner. My dear husband's suggestion. 

Oh, so romantic! Dinner at a sidewalk cafe in Paris, and I get out my little piece of paper with the French word for "gluten free" on it. 

It is what it is. 

And, I choose to accept it, because I choose to accept ME. 

So, here's to a three week European vacation with my sweetheart including joining up with two of our grown kids. 

Here's to me loving myself in all of my imperfections and enjoying each and every moment this holiday has to offer me.

Here's to staring at the Eiffel Tower all lit up at night. Here's to holding my husband's hand as we go for a walk in Denmark. Here's to us driving to Wartburg Castle in Germany and laughing in the car because we can't read road signs.

Here's to having that little piece of paper and my courage and acceptance ready at all times. 

Here's to me. Here's to us.

Here's to all blessings that will unfold in each moment. 



Thanks for stopping by today, friends!!

Blessings, 

Anne

Linking up today with others at Coffee For Your Heart.

a psalm of gratitude

healing, wisdom, friends,
courage, creativity, 
family, trust,
healthy self-love, 
boundaries--and more and more are 
all because of Him and all from Him 

forgiveness, cleansing, insight, intuition, knowing, 

all from Him

light, dark, 
each step I take, 
each muscle I move is because of Him

the shadows I make as I walk, 
from Him
the sunlight on my hair--from Him

ears to hear with
eyes to see with
a mouth to taste with
hands to touch with
a nose to smell with

all from Him

a mind to reason with
a heart to love with
arms to hug with
all from Him

legs to keep moving forward
and the will to keep going

all from Him

fresh drink of cool water
food to nourish my body and soul
the bread and the wine
all from Him

fish in the sea
bird in the tree
owl on the branch
snail on the path

all from Him

my head on the pillow
my time to dream
peaceful sleep is from Him

Nothing good in my life exists apart from Him.

"Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow." James 1:17

Blessings to you today, friend!

~Anne

Linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart.

the other side of the un-doing {beauty from chaos}

The layers go on the canvas one at a time. One on top of the other. Then, the abuse and destruction begins. 

Each layer is approached with the idea that it can be completely destroyed to create beauty. 

Beauty from chaos and destruction.

water drops
scraping 
overlays
scratching
covering over with new materials

Each layer gets its own treatment. It may be painful for each layer, but the purpose is "keeping the end in mind." 

The purpose is destruction for the greater beauty that will unfold in the end.

Life is kind of like that. 

Layer on top of layer our life experiences accumulate and pile on top of each other. Some of these layers bring beauty. And, some we feel might destroy us.

But, as we go through each layer of life experience, we are changed into a new person. Each change or event leaves us different, not the same person we were before it. 

We are transformed.

Sometimes this feels like destruction. Like it will undo us. In the end though, if we persevere and get to the other side of the un-doing, our beauty emerges as sure as the sun peeking through the clouds after a spring rain. We begin to see tiny sparks of beauty, creativity and courage. 

We begin to hope.

We start to see that we've gone through a door and we wont be going back. We don't want to, because we are changed for the better through this process. 

It's been compared to a butterfly emerging out of a chrysalis, or an onion being peeled back to reveal new and fresh layers.

So, too, each layer of our life that is exposed through harsh circumstances has the potential to make us shine in new ways. If we let it. 

Beauty emerges from the ashes of what we thought would destroy.
I've seen it happen and I know it will happen again.

Thanks for stopping by today, friend!

Blessings to you,

~Anne

linking up today with others at Coffee for Your Heart and Three Word Wednesday.

When fears are like dirty socks

Once upon a time there was a little girl. She had big dreams inside her heart. She knew they were there, even though she didn't really know what all of them were, or what they would turn out to be.

Even though this little girl had dreams, she was often afraid of trying new things.

What if she would get hurt?

What if she would get lost?

What if she just didn't have what it takes?

She grew up being fearful. Whether it was her own fear, or others' fear projected onto her, she internalized it and it became her own. Many of these fears grew with her. 

As she grew older, the fears wouldn't leave. The fears hung around like dirty socks laying on the bedroom floor.

Like walking around the pile of dirty socks, she adapted to some of the fears even though they limited her. Some grew bigger and stuck like glue.


The fear of the unknown kept her inside a shell. 

The fear of failure kept her from trying new things. 

The fear of the future kept her living in the past.

Even the fear of success kept her from really soaring.


Then, one day, the little girl grew up. She had grown taller, older and wiser. 

She found out she no longer had to bow to the fears that had clung like dirty socks to her soul. With wisdom, she began picking up those dirty socks with her nimble and capable fingers. 

Each sock of fear she dumped into the basket of learning and hope. And, each sock of fear that she threw down turned into a possibililty.

The fear of the unknown turned into dreaming of what could be.
The fear of failure turned into permission to learn from her mistakes.
The fear of the future turned into anticipation of all good things. 
The fear of success turned into being true to herself. 

She also began to dig deep to learn where and how these limiting fears started. 

And, why she'd always been so willing to let these fears control her life.

St. Peter's Cathedral--NYC

They'd robbed her of her courage. They'd robbed her of new experiences. They'd robbed her of her self-esteem and self-worth. They had just plain robbed her of life.

She doesn't really know what's next. 
No one ever does. 

But, she's willing to live courageously in the unknown, knowing this is part of her journey.

She's willing to embrace her imperfections and limitations and work toward squashing her fears.

She's living wholeheartedly.
She's living courageously.
She's daring greatly.

Blessings to you today, friend! 

~Anne

Linking up today with the lovely Holley Gerth for Coffee for Your Heart and Kristin Taylor for Three Word Wednesday.

What you think you can't do

My brain only listens to ME.  

I heard that in a grief work class I took years ago. I think I also heard Joyce Meyer say it in several of her teachings.

I need to tell my brain the truth. Tell it things that are possible and not things that are limiting. 

In my head, though, I often find myself saying, "I can't do that." 
Maybe it's the way I see an artist paint something. Or, how to put lettering on the canvas. 

How do they do that? I could never do it like that!

Or, maybe it's to travel half way across the country by myself.

Where did these limiting beliefs come from? When did they start? What happened to shut down my belief in myself?

I know I had big dreams. Most small children do.

"I want to be a teacher!" (said with a huge grin, of course!)

"I wanna be a fire man!"

"I want to be a nurse!"

Yeah, I had my "I wanna a be a nurse" phase. It lasted until I found out about shots and blood and all that. In other words, that dream didn't last long.

Mostly, all I remember is that limiting belief, coming out as the words I typed above.

"I could never do that!"

A good friend was talking to me recently about this topic and he said, in essence, 

"repeat after me, 'I can do anything and go anywhere I want to. I am free.'"

I admit that saying that statement after him was a very difficult thing for me to do. It got stuck in my throat as the lump formed. 

Finally I repeated after him. I said, "I can do anything and go anywhere I want to. I am free." 

I said it through tears. I said it through fits and starts, but I said it. 

And, you know what? 
Now, I'm beginning to believe it.

What would you do, or where would you go, if you believed you could do anything?

Blessings to you today, friend.

~Anne

I'm linking up with the lovelies at Coffee for Your Heart and at Three Word Wednesday.

On a February morning

Last year's flower stems quiver in the cold.

The bird bath is frozen over.

The still six-inch deep snow in the yard is now marked by bunny and bird tracks from the past few weeks.

Even when the outside temperature hovers near zero degrees, the birds are chirping.

How can this be?

Did their Creator create them with an innate happiness and contentment no matter their circumstances?

I can learn this.

The giant evergreen outside my front window stands strong in the winter wind, home to Black-capped Chickadees and squirrels who dare to chance the weather to visit our bird feeder.

No matter what goes on in my world, this nature world keeps a live tempo.

The sun rises and sets. 

Snows come.

Snow melts.

Birds fly and nest.

Oh, I so want to write of it, and more!

I want to write of nature.

I want to write of me and my world.

I want to write beauty.

I want to write.

I want to notice in order to write.

So, in order to someday write, I write it down now.

Maybe in the writing of it now, it will prepare me for writing then.

And, then.

Blessings to you,

~Anne

Linking up today with #TellHisStory and Coffee for your Heart, and Three Word Wednesday

It might not be what you thought

I was once absolutely SURE of what my God sized dream was! I would have put money on it. I was banking on it! 

Why, I don't know. Who can figure out God?
And, I cannot predict the future.

Three years ago I was busy, busy busy applying for a specific grad school out in Washington. Through a series of serendipitous events, I was sure that this specific school, this exact vocation was what God was leading me to do. 

I was wrong. And, then I fell kind of hard when it didn't happen.

Putting all my eggs in the "this is what God has told me to do" basket was a real let down when I found out I was carrying the wrong basket of eggs.

But, in hindsight (isn't it always 20/20?) I"ve been learning a few things. Here are six things I've learned about having a God-sized dream.

1.  Dreaming is one thing, but it might not turn out the way you thought it would.

I've had a long time dream to be a Counselor. The program I wanted to attend is for Counseling Psychology. Through events with my husband getting a much wanted change in his current job, and not finding a job in Washington, we decided to stay in Iowa. This meant, no school in Washington for me, and none for the foreseeable future either.

What could I do? First of all, I grieved the loss of that dream. It took awhile. That step is very important. It was truly a loss for me. 

Then, I began to be open to what God might want to do for and through me whilst staying in little ole' Iowa. Through my sister-in-law, I found out about Emotional Polarity Technique practitioner training in Indiana. After praying, I decided, this was something I could get excited about (eptworks.com). 

It wasn't exactly the dream I had for going to Washington to grad school, but it was in line with my dream. I want to help people heal emotionally. This is one way, a holistic-health-way, of helping people let go of unhealthy emotions. A win.

2. Having faith and being flexible are not mutually exclusive.

If it makes sense, it seems like I had more faith in my faith, than in what God wanted to do. As I said before, Who can figure out God? The good thing is, He does like to surprise His children. And, He loves us unconditionally. I can trust Him in that. And, I learned I needed to be flexible and filled with faith at the same time. That may seem unclear.

3. Have a dream, but keep it in open hands, not closed fists.

I wrote a post about this during the thick of my waiting. Better to keep a loose hold on things and people. This includes dreams.

4. Asking God what His dream is for you is a good idea! Then, listen.

This is a step I don't remember blatantly doing. I did a lot of praying. But, a lot of the praying was, "God, open the doors for me to do this thing."

5. Be willing to sit with ambiguity.

For two years, we looked for a job for my husband where the school was. We waited. It was hard. We had to live with not knowing what we were doing for a long time. I think that most of my growth happened during this hard waiting time. Don't despise waiting.

6. Your God-sized dream may not end up to be what you thought it would, but it will probably be better.

Sometimes I ask myself if I think that what I'm doing now is better than what I really wanted a couple of years ago. And, I have to say that yes, even though I'd love to go to grad school some day (and that is not out of the question), I know that where I'm at is right where God wants me. Right now.

I'm living the dream. I'm not waiting for it to happen someday. I'm living it right now.

Thanks so much for stopping by today, friend!
If you have a God-sized Dream, or are waiting on one, I'd love to hear from you in the comments!


Blessings to you!

~Anne

Linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart, Three Word Wednesday and #TellHisStory.

Sending good words

I am probably one of the most well-intentioned card senders you’ll ever meet. For the past two years I didn’t send out Christmas cards. I let myself off the hook, but it was hard because I really had it in my heart to send out well-wishes to my loved ones.

I’ve been meaning to send a thank you to someone in my life for over a year. My intentions are very, very good. But, intentions don’t have a pen and paper, do they? Intentions don’t drive the letter to the mailbox and get it sent after the stamp is in place, do they?

What about if we’re not even talking about the written word that we send? What about our thoughts? My thoughts?

What kinds of thoughts am I sending to myself and others every day?

Are they thoughts of kindness, loyalty and love? Or are my thoughts ones of harsh judgement and criticism?

I catch myself often going through the Rolodex of my mind and stopping on a judgmental thought. Thank heavens, I’m starting to see when I stop on one of those damaging thoughts, and going back. 

I go back and re-say the thing that I had said wrong in my mind. I say something like, 

“I send loving thoughts toward _____________. 

They are worthy of love.”

Just this last week, I took an ugly fall in a mall store. I was there to return some pajamas and buy some new ones. As I turned away from the cashier, I slipped on an invisible wet spot from melting snow and went down very hard. Hard enough to stun and hurt me.

What were my words to myself that day, and the following week?

I tried very carefully to make them compassionate words and not words that would leave not only my body feeling very sore, but my spirit, too.

********************************************************************

Thanks so much for stopping by today friend!

~Anne

LInking up today with other writers at Kate Motaung's place for Five Minute Friday. Stop by her place to see the description for this awesome free-writing community! Today's prompt is "send".

Also linking up with the lovelies at Coffee for Your Heart and #TellHisStory.

10 things painting walls has taught me

My husband and I and our two adult kids are working very hard lately to paint the inside of our (1948) new house. There are lessons to be learned while painting.



1.  Nothing is ever going to be perfect. Get used to it.  I have had the job of trimming along the ceilings, doorways, floorboards, you name it. I told my husband, "I remember being better at trimming the ceilings than I am now." He said, "Maybe you're not remembering correctly." Thanks, dear.

I've had to tell my perfectionistic self many times that our paint job is never going to be perfect, because we are not perfect. 

2.  Paint covers a multitude of past poor choices.  The paint in the front room was a very dingy yellow in the room and in the closet with no doors. Painting Mindful Gray over that dingy yellow has given me the warmest of fuzzies. Glorious.

3.  Doing a project like this with hubby is fun.  We are both very compatible and we are friends, believe it or not. And, doing this project together has made me realize that our relationship can handle quite a bit. Never mind that he wanted the same color paint in the whole house (except for the bathrooms), and that is what we are doing. 

4. I've been telling my hubby for years, "I want a new palette to decorate." Well, with painting Mindful Gray on all the walls, that is exactly what I'm getting.

5. This is making me thankful.

6. I'm tempted to throw out my old decor. I'm being inspired by this new gray backdrop to change some of my wall decor. And, even though I do not have a big budget, or any, I'm inspired.

And, I can do a lot with very little.

7.  My son, the art major, is a much better ceiling trimmer than I am. This is a new experience, my "kids" helping us paint the house.

8.  My daughter likes "rolling" the walls better than trimming. This is a good thing because she rolled on two coats of gray in her new room in two hours yesterday. Wonderful.

9.  Listening to Frank Sinatra Christmas music makes painting on a snowy day much more fun.

10.  Make sure to mix your gallons of paint or you might have a subtle gray two tone on your walls. We'll need to check into this one a little more in depth.

Thanks for letting me share a little of what my life has been about lately!

Blessings to you, friend!

~Anne

Linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart and Three Word Wednesday!!

God's dimmer switch

Ever wonder why dawn and dusk come gradually and not all of a sudden?

Evening comes and the sun gradually sinks lower and lower on the horizon until it's hidden from our view for that day.

It's like the sun goes to sleep in our part of the world 

so we can, too.

Then, while we're fast asleep, the earth is turning, turning, turning until the sun starts to gradually come into our view again. 

Gradually showing more of herself to us in our corner of the world until she's in plain sight. She's giving us a full view of herself so bright we're told not to look directly at her brightness.

Why the gradual, slow sinking and rising?

Why didn't God decide at the beginning of time to make these transitions sudden, like a light switch being turned off and on? 

Instead, he made sunrise and sunset on a dimmer switch.

Slowly, 

gradually 

light rises and falls at the start and end of each day.

I wonder if he knew (because he made us after all) that our souls would need to keep up with our bodies.

Thanks for stopping by today, friend!

Blessings to you!

I'm linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart, Three Word Wednesday and #TellHisStory.

Surprised by grace

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a tendency to want to control things. I’m not sure when this started.

I know I am not alone in this, but I’m naming it.

This tendency to want to control things (and people) has not served me well. The outcome of this undesirable habit has led me down paths of

regret

disappointment

anger

sadness

unmet expectations.

Not the sort of things I want hanging around, but hang they have, for far too long.

What this is showing me again lately is that I have a hard time waiting well. I want what I want when I want it. (it's the illusion of control)

I think my timing is best. Well, why wouldn’t it be? That’s what would make life the easiest!

I need grace to accept what I cannot control.

I need grace to let go.

I need grace to let people be who and what they are without me trying to change them.

Amazingly enough, when I let go of the need to control, and instead trust grace, I’m usually surprised.

I’m swept off my feet by the sweetest Divine interventions that I could never have planned if I tried.

Consolations and blessings and graces

show their faces

 in ways that make me gasp in gratitude.

Who doesn’t like a surprise, especially if it is a pleasant one?

So, I am faced with a daily, moment by moment choice. Choose to hang on to the illusion of control and be miserable, or 

let go of the illusion of control, grab faith and be surprised by grace.

I know which one I want.

Blessings to you friend,

~Anne

I'm linking up today with Holley Gerth at Coffee for Your Heart and #TellHisStory

What does your soul need?

I was 25 before I became a consistent face-washer before bed. Sad to say, but before that it was hit and miss, even though I had blemished skin starting in my early teens. 

Once I made night time face washing a ritual, though, I started to realize what a gift I was giving myself. I was actually giving myself a mini face spa treatment every night. My skin began to thank me. I layed my face on my pillow feeling more refreshed after the dirt from the day was washed away.


What if we did this on a regular basis for our souls? To give ourselves a mini soul spa regularly by letting go of the negative stuff that weighs our souls down, and inhaling what our souls desperately need?

What exactly do our souls need? I often find myself asking that question. 

What does my soul need?

It's taken me most of my life to become self-aware enough to learn what my soul needs. For much of my life, I mostly paid attention to the needs of the people around me.

As a wife and mother, I focused on the needs I was called to meet. That part is a good thing.

But, I forgot about my needs.

I had neglected my soul. The deepest part of me that is ME.

I had even kind of forgotten what I like and dislike because I was such a people pleaser, always trying to keep the peace. And, always trying to keep the people around me happy.

I did this to the neglect of myself and my needs. That's not a good thing.

Finally, one day my soul said STOP. SLOW DOWN. 

So, I did. I began to learn what my soul needs.

One of the things I realized my soul needs is regular times of quiet and solitude. If I don't get this regularly, I am no good to myself or those around me. 


How about you? Do you know what your soul needs? Are you willing to work at finding out?

Your soul will thank you when you do.

Blessings to you, friend!

~Anne

Linking up today with Holley Gerth at Coffee for Your Heart.

Why I'm not blogging for 31 Days

For the past two years, I linked up with The Nester for 31 Days of Blogging in October. It was a blast, and I planned on doing it again this year! 


I was seriously going to do it. I had my first post written and a list of ideas for the other thirty posts. 

My topic was fantastic, something I really need myself. 

31 Days of Mini Soul Spas

Now, doesn't that sound like something you'd like? I sure would!

Then, my wise daughter reminded me of some important facts.

1. Our house is on the market

2. We close on a different house in about five weeks. 

3. We'll need to start packing.

4. I might feel stressed at having to pack and move a household AND come up with thirty one engaging posts that make some kind of sense!


She very gently, but firmly reminded me of some needed boundaries. 


I was really looking forward to the challenge of writing 31 blog posts in 31 days! I did it the last two years and it was so rewarding! Neither time did I write posts ahead of time. I just "winged" it. 

However, I'm going to listen to my daughter. This time. ;)

And, I started to think of a couple of benefits for not participating this year. 

1. Take my own advice, and slow the pace here while I can and give MYSELF some mini soul spas before the move!

2. Take some time to read some of the bloggers that have linked up to write31days.com. Find some I've enjoyed reading already and find some new ones.

When I was busy writing for 31 days the last two years, I didn't have time to go and read many other blogs. This will give me a chance to browse a bit and discover. 

So, although I'll miss the challenge and the community of it this year, I'll be good and ready for next year when October comes around again and I'm settled in my new house! 

Cheers to all the 31 day-ers of 2014!

{If you'd like to take a peek at my last two years' 31 Days posts, you can go here and here.}

Blessings to you!

~Anne

Linking up today with Coffee For Your Heart

For when you need selective memory

I have this thing. 

This habit of remembering too much! I think a lot of people think of this as a positive trait. Yes, I want a great memory to remember things from my past that have brought me great joy. 

Like my wedding. Like the birth and childhood of each of my three beautiful children. Those are things that I don't ever want to forget. 

But, I seem to also have a keen memory for those things that I'd rather forget. 

Things that I need to forget. 

Things that are healthy for me to forget. 

Bad things that have happened to me that I have no business rehashing. They may not even be tragic things. Just things that have caused the opposite of joy. 

Joy stealers.

Unfortunately, I have an uncanny ability for reviewing in my mind those things that have stolen my joy. 

Does this ever happen to anyone else?

Why can't my mind automatically go to the things that have caused happiness and joy instead? For me, this is tends to be work. 

It must be a weakness of mine, this tendency to dwell on the negatives of the past and worry that they'll happen again. 

Today, I choose to continue the purposeful journey to having selective memory.

I'm choosing to continue to carefully select the joyful, peace-filled memories.

The ones that make the corners of my mouth turn upward instead of downward. The ones that warm my heart and fill me with joy too deep for words. 

This is a journey, I realize. This is a process. It is a growing edge that I'll probably always have to work on. 

But, thank goodness, I don't have to take this journey alone. I am so grateful that the God of all peace resides inside and beside me. I have His constant and ever-present help. 

Today, I choose to remember. Joy.

"Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."

I Thessalonians 5:23

Blessings to you friend,

~Anne

Linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart.