a psalm of gratitude

healing, wisdom, friends,
courage, creativity, 
family, trust,
healthy self-love, 
boundaries--and more and more are 
all because of Him and all from Him 

forgiveness, cleansing, insight, intuition, knowing, 

all from Him

light, dark, 
each step I take, 
each muscle I move is because of Him

the shadows I make as I walk, 
from Him
the sunlight on my hair--from Him

ears to hear with
eyes to see with
a mouth to taste with
hands to touch with
a nose to smell with

all from Him

a mind to reason with
a heart to love with
arms to hug with
all from Him

legs to keep moving forward
and the will to keep going

all from Him

fresh drink of cool water
food to nourish my body and soul
the bread and the wine
all from Him

fish in the sea
bird in the tree
owl on the branch
snail on the path

all from Him

my head on the pillow
my time to dream
peaceful sleep is from Him

Nothing good in my life exists apart from Him.

"Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow." James 1:17

Blessings to you today, friend!

~Anne

Linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart.

the other side of the un-doing {beauty from chaos}

The layers go on the canvas one at a time. One on top of the other. Then, the abuse and destruction begins. 

Each layer is approached with the idea that it can be completely destroyed to create beauty. 

Beauty from chaos and destruction.

water drops
scraping 
overlays
scratching
covering over with new materials

Each layer gets its own treatment. It may be painful for each layer, but the purpose is "keeping the end in mind." 

The purpose is destruction for the greater beauty that will unfold in the end.

Life is kind of like that. 

Layer on top of layer our life experiences accumulate and pile on top of each other. Some of these layers bring beauty. And, some we feel might destroy us.

But, as we go through each layer of life experience, we are changed into a new person. Each change or event leaves us different, not the same person we were before it. 

We are transformed.

Sometimes this feels like destruction. Like it will undo us. In the end though, if we persevere and get to the other side of the un-doing, our beauty emerges as sure as the sun peeking through the clouds after a spring rain. We begin to see tiny sparks of beauty, creativity and courage. 

We begin to hope.

We start to see that we've gone through a door and we wont be going back. We don't want to, because we are changed for the better through this process. 

It's been compared to a butterfly emerging out of a chrysalis, or an onion being peeled back to reveal new and fresh layers.

So, too, each layer of our life that is exposed through harsh circumstances has the potential to make us shine in new ways. If we let it. 

Beauty emerges from the ashes of what we thought would destroy.
I've seen it happen and I know it will happen again.

Thanks for stopping by today, friend!

Blessings to you,

~Anne

linking up today with others at Coffee for Your Heart and Three Word Wednesday.

When fears are like dirty socks

Once upon a time there was a little girl. She had big dreams inside her heart. She knew they were there, even though she didn't really know what all of them were, or what they would turn out to be.

Even though this little girl had dreams, she was often afraid of trying new things.

What if she would get hurt?

What if she would get lost?

What if she just didn't have what it takes?

She grew up being fearful. Whether it was her own fear, or others' fear projected onto her, she internalized it and it became her own. Many of these fears grew with her. 

As she grew older, the fears wouldn't leave. The fears hung around like dirty socks laying on the bedroom floor.

Like walking around the pile of dirty socks, she adapted to some of the fears even though they limited her. Some grew bigger and stuck like glue.


The fear of the unknown kept her inside a shell. 

The fear of failure kept her from trying new things. 

The fear of the future kept her living in the past.

Even the fear of success kept her from really soaring.


Then, one day, the little girl grew up. She had grown taller, older and wiser. 

She found out she no longer had to bow to the fears that had clung like dirty socks to her soul. With wisdom, she began picking up those dirty socks with her nimble and capable fingers. 

Each sock of fear she dumped into the basket of learning and hope. And, each sock of fear that she threw down turned into a possibililty.

The fear of the unknown turned into dreaming of what could be.
The fear of failure turned into permission to learn from her mistakes.
The fear of the future turned into anticipation of all good things. 
The fear of success turned into being true to herself. 

She also began to dig deep to learn where and how these limiting fears started. 

And, why she'd always been so willing to let these fears control her life.

St. Peter's Cathedral--NYC

They'd robbed her of her courage. They'd robbed her of new experiences. They'd robbed her of her self-esteem and self-worth. They had just plain robbed her of life.

She doesn't really know what's next. 
No one ever does. 

But, she's willing to live courageously in the unknown, knowing this is part of her journey.

She's willing to embrace her imperfections and limitations and work toward squashing her fears.

She's living wholeheartedly.
She's living courageously.
She's daring greatly.

Blessings to you today, friend! 

~Anne

Linking up today with the lovely Holley Gerth for Coffee for Your Heart and Kristin Taylor for Three Word Wednesday.

What you think you can't do

My brain only listens to ME.  

I heard that in a grief work class I took years ago. I think I also heard Joyce Meyer say it in several of her teachings.

I need to tell my brain the truth. Tell it things that are possible and not things that are limiting. 

In my head, though, I often find myself saying, "I can't do that." 
Maybe it's the way I see an artist paint something. Or, how to put lettering on the canvas. 

How do they do that? I could never do it like that!

Or, maybe it's to travel half way across the country by myself.

Where did these limiting beliefs come from? When did they start? What happened to shut down my belief in myself?

I know I had big dreams. Most small children do.

"I want to be a teacher!" (said with a huge grin, of course!)

"I wanna be a fire man!"

"I want to be a nurse!"

Yeah, I had my "I wanna a be a nurse" phase. It lasted until I found out about shots and blood and all that. In other words, that dream didn't last long.

Mostly, all I remember is that limiting belief, coming out as the words I typed above.

"I could never do that!"

A good friend was talking to me recently about this topic and he said, in essence, 

"repeat after me, 'I can do anything and go anywhere I want to. I am free.'"

I admit that saying that statement after him was a very difficult thing for me to do. It got stuck in my throat as the lump formed. 

Finally I repeated after him. I said, "I can do anything and go anywhere I want to. I am free." 

I said it through tears. I said it through fits and starts, but I said it. 

And, you know what? 
Now, I'm beginning to believe it.

What would you do, or where would you go, if you believed you could do anything?

Blessings to you today, friend.

~Anne

I'm linking up with the lovelies at Coffee for Your Heart and at Three Word Wednesday.

It might not be what you thought

I was once absolutely SURE of what my God sized dream was! I would have put money on it. I was banking on it! 

Why, I don't know. Who can figure out God?
And, I cannot predict the future.

Three years ago I was busy, busy busy applying for a specific grad school out in Washington. Through a series of serendipitous events, I was sure that this specific school, this exact vocation was what God was leading me to do. 

I was wrong. And, then I fell kind of hard when it didn't happen.

Putting all my eggs in the "this is what God has told me to do" basket was a real let down when I found out I was carrying the wrong basket of eggs.

But, in hindsight (isn't it always 20/20?) I"ve been learning a few things. Here are six things I've learned about having a God-sized dream.

1.  Dreaming is one thing, but it might not turn out the way you thought it would.

I've had a long time dream to be a Counselor. The program I wanted to attend is for Counseling Psychology. Through events with my husband getting a much wanted change in his current job, and not finding a job in Washington, we decided to stay in Iowa. This meant, no school in Washington for me, and none for the foreseeable future either.

What could I do? First of all, I grieved the loss of that dream. It took awhile. That step is very important. It was truly a loss for me. 

Then, I began to be open to what God might want to do for and through me whilst staying in little ole' Iowa. Through my sister-in-law, I found out about Emotional Polarity Technique practitioner training in Indiana. After praying, I decided, this was something I could get excited about (eptworks.com). 

It wasn't exactly the dream I had for going to Washington to grad school, but it was in line with my dream. I want to help people heal emotionally. This is one way, a holistic-health-way, of helping people let go of unhealthy emotions. A win.

2. Having faith and being flexible are not mutually exclusive.

If it makes sense, it seems like I had more faith in my faith, than in what God wanted to do. As I said before, Who can figure out God? The good thing is, He does like to surprise His children. And, He loves us unconditionally. I can trust Him in that. And, I learned I needed to be flexible and filled with faith at the same time. That may seem unclear.

3. Have a dream, but keep it in open hands, not closed fists.

I wrote a post about this during the thick of my waiting. Better to keep a loose hold on things and people. This includes dreams.

4. Asking God what His dream is for you is a good idea! Then, listen.

This is a step I don't remember blatantly doing. I did a lot of praying. But, a lot of the praying was, "God, open the doors for me to do this thing."

5. Be willing to sit with ambiguity.

For two years, we looked for a job for my husband where the school was. We waited. It was hard. We had to live with not knowing what we were doing for a long time. I think that most of my growth happened during this hard waiting time. Don't despise waiting.

6. Your God-sized dream may not end up to be what you thought it would, but it will probably be better.

Sometimes I ask myself if I think that what I'm doing now is better than what I really wanted a couple of years ago. And, I have to say that yes, even though I'd love to go to grad school some day (and that is not out of the question), I know that where I'm at is right where God wants me. Right now.

I'm living the dream. I'm not waiting for it to happen someday. I'm living it right now.

Thanks so much for stopping by today, friend!
If you have a God-sized Dream, or are waiting on one, I'd love to hear from you in the comments!


Blessings to you!

~Anne

Linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart, Three Word Wednesday and #TellHisStory.

10 things painting walls has taught me

My husband and I and our two adult kids are working very hard lately to paint the inside of our (1948) new house. There are lessons to be learned while painting.



1.  Nothing is ever going to be perfect. Get used to it.  I have had the job of trimming along the ceilings, doorways, floorboards, you name it. I told my husband, "I remember being better at trimming the ceilings than I am now." He said, "Maybe you're not remembering correctly." Thanks, dear.

I've had to tell my perfectionistic self many times that our paint job is never going to be perfect, because we are not perfect. 

2.  Paint covers a multitude of past poor choices.  The paint in the front room was a very dingy yellow in the room and in the closet with no doors. Painting Mindful Gray over that dingy yellow has given me the warmest of fuzzies. Glorious.

3.  Doing a project like this with hubby is fun.  We are both very compatible and we are friends, believe it or not. And, doing this project together has made me realize that our relationship can handle quite a bit. Never mind that he wanted the same color paint in the whole house (except for the bathrooms), and that is what we are doing. 

4. I've been telling my hubby for years, "I want a new palette to decorate." Well, with painting Mindful Gray on all the walls, that is exactly what I'm getting.

5. This is making me thankful.

6. I'm tempted to throw out my old decor. I'm being inspired by this new gray backdrop to change some of my wall decor. And, even though I do not have a big budget, or any, I'm inspired.

And, I can do a lot with very little.

7.  My son, the art major, is a much better ceiling trimmer than I am. This is a new experience, my "kids" helping us paint the house.

8.  My daughter likes "rolling" the walls better than trimming. This is a good thing because she rolled on two coats of gray in her new room in two hours yesterday. Wonderful.

9.  Listening to Frank Sinatra Christmas music makes painting on a snowy day much more fun.

10.  Make sure to mix your gallons of paint or you might have a subtle gray two tone on your walls. We'll need to check into this one a little more in depth.

Thanks for letting me share a little of what my life has been about lately!

Blessings to you, friend!

~Anne

Linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart and Three Word Wednesday!!

God's dimmer switch

Ever wonder why dawn and dusk come gradually and not all of a sudden?

Evening comes and the sun gradually sinks lower and lower on the horizon until it's hidden from our view for that day.

It's like the sun goes to sleep in our part of the world 

so we can, too.

Then, while we're fast asleep, the earth is turning, turning, turning until the sun starts to gradually come into our view again. 

Gradually showing more of herself to us in our corner of the world until she's in plain sight. She's giving us a full view of herself so bright we're told not to look directly at her brightness.

Why the gradual, slow sinking and rising?

Why didn't God decide at the beginning of time to make these transitions sudden, like a light switch being turned off and on? 

Instead, he made sunrise and sunset on a dimmer switch.

Slowly, 

gradually 

light rises and falls at the start and end of each day.

I wonder if he knew (because he made us after all) that our souls would need to keep up with our bodies.

Thanks for stopping by today, friend!

Blessings to you!

I'm linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart, Three Word Wednesday and #TellHisStory.

For when you feel weak and small

"In that shaky space is your juiciest wisdom waiting to unfold." 

~Anonymous

What is your shaky space? What makes your palms sweat and your knees knock?

What makes you second or third guess yourself? Or, what makes you want to crawl into a hole and never come out?

What if, instead of dreading those times when our knees knock and our palms sweat, that we actually embraced them?

What if we reframed those moments of fear?

Instead, we could imagine that when our emotions and intellect are put to the test, this is when our best and most purest self emerges.

We really are smarter than we think. Our Creator endowed us with the gift of intuition. Intuition is that deep knowing, that voice deep within that points us to what is best for us.

Trusting our intuition doesn't come easy for most of us.

We're programmed from an early age to not trust it.

Adults always know best, right?

What can we do NOW to empower ourselves? Because that is what really matters NOW.

To tell ourselves the truth.

To tell ourselves NOW that it's in those times that we feel the weakest that we are the strongest, because we are being put to the test. Tests are hard, but they bring out the best in us.

Just because we feel weak, doesn't mean we actually are!

The next time something bad happens or someone says something to make you feel small and weak, remember who you are and what you are made of.

Remember Who made you.
Remember you have wisdom residing within you.

And live within that moment realizing that beauty and wisdom are unfolding inside you.

It's enfolded within you.

Live, knowing what you are becoming.



Blessings to you, friend!

~Anne

I'm linking up today with Holley for Coffee for Your Heart and with Beth for Three Word Wednesday!

When you need twenty seconds of insane courage

I watched We Bought a Zoo with my family the other night. It's one of my husbands favorites, so we've seen it four or five times. I admit, I actually made an inward sigh when that movie was chosen for the night. 

Even though I was sitting in my chair knitting feverishly, I surprised myself by paying more attention to certain parts of the movie this time than I have in previous viewings. 

One of the phrases that Benjamin Mee teaches his son is the phrase, 

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage." 

He says this to his son because his son wants to talk to a cute girl, but he doesn't know how.

Towards the end of the movie, Mr. Mee starts telling the story to his kids of how he met their mother in a cafe. 

He said it took him telling himself that "all it takes is twenty seconds of insane courage" for him to approach the most beautiful girl in the world. He makes sure he tells them it ended well for him, because he ended up marrying her. He tells them, "this is when you became a possibility." I love that.



I can't tell you how many times in my life this statement would have come in handy for me.


Times when I was facing the fear of calling someone I was afraid of, 

walking into the new junior high for the first day of ninth grade, 

or even taking some new medicine that was supposed to help me.



These might seem trivial, but I needed twenty seconds of insane courage to do each of those things, and many more in my lifetime!


Twenty seconds of insane courage. 

You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of 

insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just 

embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great 

will come of it.~Benjamin Mee

This phrase actually prods me on. It bolsters my courage. If I can just muster twenty seconds of insane courage or embarrassing bravery what could I do!?

The possibilities excite me!

If you considered the possibilities of what having twenty seconds of insane courage could propel you do to, what would it be?

Blessings to you today, friend! Such great things to ponder!

~Anne

I'm linking up today with Holley at Coffee for Your Heart and Beth for Three Word Wednesday. 

When you come in dead last

When they all started talking and getting excited about Fun Day, I started dreading it. It was a day planned in the spring at our city park for a picnic for my whole country school, grades K-8, and other country schools in the area. 

Picnic at the park, food provided. Lovely.

But then, it came time for the "fun" part of the day. We were all transported to the high school track. There were bleachers there for the teachers and parents who wanted to come and watch. And for us students who were either awaiting our turn or watching other runners.

And then, it was time for the running races to begin. 
We weren't given a choice whether we would run in these races or not. 

It was just planned. It was "Fun Day" after all, and aren't running races fun?

Not for this chubby, not-an-athletic-bone-in-her-body girl.

Kindergarteners went first. Groups of eight to ten kids would stand at the starting line and wait for the word "Go!" and then they'd be off!!

I dreaded when my class was up next.

The reason I dreaded Fun Day is because I always came in dead last. 

Every year, I knew. I would come in dead last.

Each year at Fun Day, I felt shame for coming in dead last.
I don't remember anyone saying anything to me about it, either good or bad. Dead last racers usually aren't recognized. 

Maybe my teacher said, "good job".

But, it was humiliating to come in dead last in the race every year. And, by dead last I mean I was a good ten feet away from the person in front of me. 


If I could go back to my childhood self I'd have a few things to say to this lovely girl. 

I'd say, 

 Your worth isn't based on where you come in in the running race. You are valuable whether you can run fast or not. 

I would make sure she knew that she was brave for getting out there on the starting line in the first place. She was brave for facing her fear of coming in dead 
last. 

I would tell her,

I'm so proud of you for showing up, being brave, starting and finishing this race. It's not about winning! It's about showing up and being your brave beautiful self!

This is what I want to tell you today, friend.

In the race of life, if you feel like you always come in dead last, don't let that get to your heart. I want you to know you are brave for showing up. Brave for starting and brave for being your own unique beautiful self! 

Blessings to you today friend,

~Anne

I'm linking up today with other lovely writers at Coffee for Your Heart and Three Word Wednesday. 

When your soul wants to run, count things

What do you do when you don’t know what to do? When your soul wants to run, but there’s no place to go?

Sulk?

Pace?

Run?

Pray?

For me, my instinct is to run. But, to where I don’t know, and usually it isn’t the appropriate thing to run.

That’s what my soul seems programmed to do lately. Run away from what scares me! Run, and don’t look back!

At least this is often how my body reacts.

Mostly it’s false alarms. Usually always.

I’m needing ways to reprogram my soul to stay put. To rest. Stay.

Lately I’ve been grasping at staws.

Oh, I know the old cliché’s.

"This too shall pass."

"This is just a season."

"Years from now you’ll look back on this time and….blah, 

blah, blah."

But, those tired old clichés don’t help now. I’m looking for concrete, practical answers to cope with what I’m going through and not let my weary soul take me someplace I don't want to go.

The fight-or-flight response ultimately takes me nowhere fast.

A couple of nights ago, I tried something different at bedtime. Being a stressful time for me lately, I’ve thought of different ways to calm myself to sleep.

Sounds crazy. Like I need to go back to infant-hood and learn to soothe myself to sleep.

I'm wondering, did I miss something back then?

A couple of nights ago, I laid there with my eyes open groping the dark with my gaze. I was trying hard not to think of those things that cause me fear, dread and anxiety.

I've always heard that it’s easier to focus on something good than to avoid thinking of something bad, so I started thinking good things on purpose. What a novel concept!

I decided to lay there in the dark, with my head on my pillow and count the things I was grateful for that day. I actually held up my finger for #1.

I had everything I needed today

#2 my children

#3 my husband

Whatever good thing popped into my head, I counted it. Pretty soon both my hands were open wide in front of my face. I’d reached ten things.

I started over:

my health

my bed (many people don’t have one)

the ability to brush my teeth (many people don’t have access to this—I don’t think of this often)

Pretty soon my hands were full of grateful things again.

I went through this sequence a third time. And then a fourth. And a fifth.

Pretty soon, I had counted on my fingers in the dark 50 things I was grateful for.

And then I went to sleep with a smile in my soul.

My soul was no longer trying to run away from me.

My soul went to sleep in gratitude.

Thanks for stopping by today, friend! 

~Anne

Linking up today with Holley Gerth for Coffee for Your Heart and with Beth Stiff for Three Word Wednesday.

When your soul tells you "It's time to begin."

It was several years ago now. But, in my spirit I sensed these words.

"It's time to begin."

I knew instinctively what it meant. I had been putting up with unwanted, negative, debilitating emotions, and it was taking a toll on my body.

Be it my spirit or the Spirit, the process of deep soul transformation began. I started the journey with an emotional crisis that forced me to cry out for help. 

Panic attacks and depression hit me like a ton of bricks seemingly out of no where. It seemed like my only and best choice was to begin digging to find out the cause.

It turns out, my soul was actually crying out to my spirit for help and healing.

My soul was telling me to stand up and pay attention.

"Listen to me. Something must change.

The old {emotional} ways you've used to cope your whole life are no longer working.

They've never worked, really. But, until now you haven't known any better.

Consider this your wake up call to yourself.

Consider this your call to action.

Your call to change.

The road up ahead is not going to be easy. But, I promise you, that in the end, it will all be worth it.

You will see. 

In the end, you will see.

And, on this journey of transformation, you will not be alone.

I promise."

Thanks for stopping by, friend! I so appreciate you!!

Has your soul ever given you a wake up call? I'd love to hear in the comments. I can so relate. And, I care!

~Anne

Linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart and Three Word Wednesday