Layers

yellow feathers collect at the bottom of his cage

it's that season again

a season of shedding the old to make way for the new

i'm like him

the old, outdated parts of me are shedding

they've been peeling away like outdated wallpaper to reveal yet more layers underneath

when will the peeling back of layers be completed?

his molting and growing of new feathers will be complete in a matter of weeks

mine may take weeks, months or even years

a lifetime of time-worn layers peeling off

being scraped away as extra grout

laying at my feet

discarded

how can I ever paste them back to me?

i cannot

nor would I ever want to

those layers of me are in the past

they are no longer me

i will never be the same 

the old me and the new me dance until the day the new me

the new layer is complete

What is your "right now"?

Joining in late for last week's Five Minute Friday post over at Kate Motaung's blog. The prompt for last Friday was "lose". 



In 2012 I got accepted to a grad school in Seattle into their Counseling Psychology program. I would have been a non traditional student, for sure, but I have felt called to help others in this way since my college days.

Because of circumstances beyond my control, I was not able to move from Iowa out to Seattle, WA with my hubby to attend grad school. 

Four years later, I am now unsure if I even want to go to grad school.

What gives? What makes you lose your focus, the purpose that seemed like it was burning a hole in my heart and (soon to be burning a hole in my pocket)?

I don't understand it at all. 

I have no desire right now to look into local programs. 

I read something from the Tiny Buddha website yesterday that one of my Facebook friends posted about purpose.

That nothing has to be done in a hurry. And, just because we don't know what to do right now, doesn't mean that "right now" doesn't have meaning.

That, to look at what is "right now" beckoning me, or calling me, is what I could do, that the "right now" can be my purpose.

Right now, my intuition, my gut is calling me to paint. I've been experimenting with acrylics and mixed media for a little over a year. 

I love what I've learned both on and off the canvas as I take bold, brave, courageous steps to make something out of nothing.

I'm not sure where this is leading me, but this is my "right now".

What is your "right now"?

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Blessings to you!

Anne

life lessons learned in 2015

I've felt some guilt over stopping my 31 Day Series (of Soul Spas) right smack in the middle back in October. But, when I stop to think about it, I did what I needed to do to take care of my own soul. (How ironic.)  I had guests (my cousins!) that visited from Sweden in the Fall and I needed the time to concentrate fully on them! And, oh, what a joy and a delight their visit was!

Then, one thing led to another and well, it's just harder to return to writing the longer I stay away.

So, I welcome myself back to blogging today!! Hi, me! And, I give myself permission to begin again. 



Today I'm linking up with Emily Freeman for her What I Learned link up that she usually has at the end of each month, but this time it is What I Learned in 2015 since we are at the end of one year and beginning of the next. 

I've found my mind wandering more to the future and things that I want to be or do in 2016. I see this as a good thing. Saving for a future post.

But, sometimes we're so in a hurry for the next thing that we don't take time to ponder where we've been. Here's a look back at some huge and not so huge lessons I learned in 2015.

Door County Wisconsin at sunset

1. live without regrets. 

My husband asked me on New Years Eve if I had any regrets over the past year. And, without really taking time to think about it I said, "No, I don't." 

Wow. This quick answer surprised me a little. Don't we all have regrets? Oh yes, we do. But, when I think about the past year, I can honestly say I did my best in many ways.....with my self care, relationships, boundaries, general health, marriage, parenting (adults). 

What a blessing it was to say that I had no regrets about 2015. That is the grace of God.



2.  dare greatly. 

By now, if you've read my blog for very long, you might know that I'm a huge fan of Dr. Brene Brown's work on shame resilience and vulnerability and being brave.

In April I went to NYC to meet a group of seven gals that I met online through the Brene Brown e-course, The Gifts of Imperfection. 

It was a risk! I was afraid to fly alone. I'd never flown somewhere totally alone. I'd never hailed a taxi. But, I did these things and it was huge. These women mean so much to me, each one with her unique personality and gifts. 
What a blessing that trip was in so many ways. I dared greatly!



3.  release.

Sometime last early spring, our 22 year old daughter, who had a part-time advertising job and was living with us, declared to us that she wanted to go to England for one year. Gulp! 

She has always had a soft spot for England. Probably spurred on by Dr. Who and Harry Potter. Thanks a lot, guys!!  So, she found a Gap Year program through UKUSA and Youth for Christ, where she'd go and live with a host family for a year. She had to raise the funds. She had to get a passport and a volunteer visa. She did. all. the. steps. and she left August 28th. 

I had a few months to get prepared for this idea. But, at first, honestly, I didn't think it would really happen. Really? But, it did, and it is. She's been there for four months now. She's learned all kinds of English words for things like "dust bin" instead of "trash can". She's met some very kind and loving folks and she's gotten to minister to youth at the church she's assigned to. She's also a TA in two different schools and works in a variety of classrooms. 

God is giving me the grace to release this girl, my youngest, into her calling. And, she's brave. And she loves Jesus. And, she's sharing her gifts. This mom couldn't be more proud.

Right after Thanksgiving our son, who lived with us for awhile after graduating from college to save money, moved out into his own apartment. Another opportunity to release. 

I released him to college. Now, I release him into his new life in his own studio right in the middle of downtown. 

Release is a good word.



4.  patience with self.

A year ago and more, I was all 'gung ho' about downsizing to a much smaller house. You know, simplifying. I was looking forward to an older home with gleaming wood floors, fresh gray on the walls, white trim. A lovely, park-like yard. 

For several years I'd been hungering for "new". New to me that is. 

But, I discovered so much mental and emotional blocks during the aftermath of the move and really for the whole year. 

Not as many walls to hang my things. My wall things didn't seem to go in this house. I felt like my creative confidence in making this house a home had gotten left in the last house (that I was more than ready to leave). 

I couldn't understand this and for months silently chastised myself for not getting curtains made (some still aren't) and for not hanging things on the walls. 

But, sometime in the Fall, I decided that my soul needed to do some work somehow before these things could easily fall into place in this new space. 

I've given myself permission to go at a slow and steady pace and it's made all the difference.



5.  art, imperfection, curiosity and permission.

Last March I took a three part acrylic painting class at my church. I invited my mom to take it with me. 

I remember the first night. The instructor said, "just do whatever." Are you kidding me!!? Do you know how intimidating and terrifying it is to look at a blank canvas having never done any "real" painting and being told "just start". 

It was a little maddening, and when I look at the pic on my phone of my first brave try at mixing some colors, it's a literal mess. 

Then, I took a Kelly Rae Roberts online class on mixed media painting. I wrote about this in an earlier post, but the first time she wanted us to paint with our hands I got emotional. It's like I had to give myself permission to make a mess with paint! 

I can't begin to tell you the lessons I've gained from beginning to paint regularly. Imperfection is encouraged, not shunned, stay curious, give yourself lots of permission. These are huge lessons both on and off the canvas!



6. birds and wildlife bring joy.

Right outside the window where I sit and drink tea each morning are three bird feeders and a bird bath. Sitting in silence watching the birds come to eat and bathe is a ritual for me. 

Watching them brings joy and a smile to my face. Their freedom and trust encourage me. I'm so glad I take the time to sit in silence and see who'll stop by on any given morning.

I even enjoy the squirrels who try to steal the birdseed and the occasional stealth deer at night that comes by for a snack.



7.  seasons.

I've been reminded in 2015 that things, events and people may be for a season. When the season is over, I need to proceed without judgement or regret into the next one, letting the curtain drop behind me as I go. It's only in letting go that I can take hold of what's next.


Blessings to you, friends, in this brand new year!

Love,

Anne

for when you can't create

Linking up (a little late) with the brave writers over at Five Minute Friday, where we write for five minutes straight. No fancy edits. Just writing for the fun of it. Won't you come on over to Kate Motaung's place and join in? This week's prompt is "free". 


Have you ever felt like you'd like to create something and there was a big boulder sitting on your muse? Like a traffic blockade, the creative juices just won't run. They're stopped up like your stuffy nose with a cold (okay, maybe TMI).

This happened to me a few days ago. I sat down to paint. To create. I really wanted to. But, the negative gremlins were screaming loud. I couldn't figure it out.

"I love to paint," I said to myself.

"What is wrong with me? Why do I feel like crying instead?"


The voices said,

"you'll never be as good as ________________, so why bother?"

"you'll never be good enough to sell your art, so why bother?"

"who do you think you are?"

I know I'm not the first, nor the last to have these kind of voices screaming inside my head. Trying hard to convince me that I'm done as an artist (and feel like I've only just begun!) 

{They're}trying to tell me that I might as well hang up the artist hat and apron and brush because it's all a waste of time anyway.

So, I wiped my tears and got up from my creative space.  I went over to the chair where I do most all of my journaling and started writing. I figured that maybe if I started writing out my feelings, something might unearth. 

Some reason for the gremlins shouting loud.

And, you know what? Something did surface!

I had just recently had an art wound that I had already started to cover up with other negative and positive emotions.

Journaling. Writing. Freed me.
Freed me to sit down at my creative space again.

And, create with joy.

Thanks for stopping by today, friend! Blessings to you!

~Anne

Six important things I learned in June

Linking up with other writers over at Emily Freeman's blog for her "what we learned" link up! Taking time to share big things as well as the ridiculous and mundane. Come on over to see what other writers have learned in the month of June!


1.  The mixed media painting class I'm taking from kellyraeroberts.com is teaching me lots more than just how to paint. Here are a few things I've learned in this online class.

--let go of outcomes
--trust the process
--there are no mistakes, just happy accidents
--perfection isn't needed or welcomed
--be messy and have fun

a painting in midstroke

I've always had a hard time with ALL of these things, and who'd have thought an online painting class would challenge me in these exact areas!? I'm loving every minute of it. I'm learning to let little Anne get messy and have fun! Priceless learning in creativity and art.


2.  Just because you might get a great deal on a nice pair of sandals at the Bass Outlet, doesn't mean you will love them. From the moment I started wearing them, the left one (because of a cushy sole) started making a "whishing" noise with every step I took! I told my daughter and she promptly said, "Oh! You mean they're wheezing?"  

Great, my new sandals wheeze. So embarrassing. Now, the right one wheezes, too, so I guess it's balanced.

3.  My heartstrings are being tugged by a little red house outside the little town of Ljungby, Sweden. Oh, my heart! Read last Friday's post about it here.

4.  Our family has been catching up on all the Season One and Season Two episodes of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. We've gotten angry together, worried about whether Sky was ever going to find her dad and mom, worried who might be dead, etc. 

We only have about four episodes left and then I think I'm going to go through withdrawls until September rolls around for Season Three. People, this is all the TV I watch, except occasionally the news and 60 Minutes!

5.  Inside Out is a movie for every. person. to. watch. I am not kidding. This is not a movie review, this is a plea. Not only is this movie funny and creative, but it will give you and your friends/family a whole new way to talk about your emotions. And, who doesn't need that in today's world? 

6.  When water is pouring into your basement window during a deluge of rain, and you don't own a mop??  Last week, we had a huge amount of rain and right about midnight, water started seeping, then gushing into a basement window. We have since discovered that this thing will likely happen if the gutter closest to the window is plugged with leaves. 

my son and daughter helping to mop

But, at midnight, we didn't think of fixing the gutter. All we could think of was get every towel in the house!! and I was thinking, we don't even have a MOP!! I have a Swiffer, but that isn't going to do anything to sop up leaking rain water! 

So, at 2:30am, my daughter got in the car to brave the roadways to get us a mop. As she went out the door I yelled, get two!
And, we needed every strand on each of those mops to soak up water. 

Lessons learned that night. 1) Make sure your gutters are clean, 2) make sure you have a real mop in your house.

Thanks for stopping by today, friends, to see what I learned in June!
And, Happy 4th of July!

~Anne

Five--no six--things I learned in March

Linking up today with Emily at Chattingatthesky.com for her monthly 'Things I learned' link up. This is where we "reflect, share and celebrate on purpose--the fascinating, ridiculous, sacred and small." as Emily puts it. Here are six things I learned in March in no particular order.

1.  In March I signed up for a three week (three Monday nights) acrylics course at my church. With my mother. I've never done anything like this. I was worried about plagiarizing a picture I found on Pinterest, but I needn't have worried. Mine doesn't look anything like her professional painting. 

But, at the advice of a dear artist friend, I purchased the e book, Steal Like an Artist and read it in one day. Now, I'm certain that what I did was okay, and probably even encouraged. I still want to be careful though. 

Maybe I'll go sit in my back yard and paint my tree.

2.  This month I met a wonderful author on Twitter named Kat Lehmann, who just released her poetry book Moon Full of Moons: poetry of transformation. What I learned from Kat first though is how to write a tanka poem, and what a "tanka" poem is. 

A tanka is a five line, free verse poem using simple language. The last line is a twist or a change in direction. 

Here are two of my first tankas:

tiny sparrow

in the grass

the world must 

look so big to you

and yet, so small

and

little girl

curled up in her

yellow flowered room

left toes over right toes

dreaming tight

I think I have fallen in love with this form of poetry.  Now, I've written many. Maybe you'll see more to come on the blog.  I've shared some on twitter, @AnneLandhuis.

3.  For the first time ever, I commissioned an artist to paint me a painting. She is a friend I met through the Brene Brown e course last year and I love her work. I am so very excited to see my friend @studiolinski (Instagram) be a successful artist!! My painting is called La Vie En Rose. Love.

4.  I also painted my first piece of canvas acrylic art. Okay, here goes...I am an artist! (that is kind of a hard thing to say, but I'm believing it more and more!)

5.  I got my first pair of "boat" or "deck" shoes in my entire life. My daughter said it was okay, and even encouraged me. I got them at the Bass Outlet store. I'll be going back for more Bass this month. I can't wait!

Five things learned doesn't mean I didn't learn other things, too. But these are the highlights.

I guess one more thing I learned from a careless driver on our dead end street. 

6.  Make sure you read the "dead end" sign at the beginning at the street you turn on so you don't plow into the fence at the dead end and crumple it to pieces.

I wonder what it did to their car.  

Thanks for stopping by to share in what I learned this month! I think it was kind of an "artful" month, and I plan to keep that up.

~Anne

10 things painting walls has taught me

My husband and I and our two adult kids are working very hard lately to paint the inside of our (1948) new house. There are lessons to be learned while painting.



1.  Nothing is ever going to be perfect. Get used to it.  I have had the job of trimming along the ceilings, doorways, floorboards, you name it. I told my husband, "I remember being better at trimming the ceilings than I am now." He said, "Maybe you're not remembering correctly." Thanks, dear.

I've had to tell my perfectionistic self many times that our paint job is never going to be perfect, because we are not perfect. 

2.  Paint covers a multitude of past poor choices.  The paint in the front room was a very dingy yellow in the room and in the closet with no doors. Painting Mindful Gray over that dingy yellow has given me the warmest of fuzzies. Glorious.

3.  Doing a project like this with hubby is fun.  We are both very compatible and we are friends, believe it or not. And, doing this project together has made me realize that our relationship can handle quite a bit. Never mind that he wanted the same color paint in the whole house (except for the bathrooms), and that is what we are doing. 

4. I've been telling my hubby for years, "I want a new palette to decorate." Well, with painting Mindful Gray on all the walls, that is exactly what I'm getting.

5. This is making me thankful.

6. I'm tempted to throw out my old decor. I'm being inspired by this new gray backdrop to change some of my wall decor. And, even though I do not have a big budget, or any, I'm inspired.

And, I can do a lot with very little.

7.  My son, the art major, is a much better ceiling trimmer than I am. This is a new experience, my "kids" helping us paint the house.

8.  My daughter likes "rolling" the walls better than trimming. This is a good thing because she rolled on two coats of gray in her new room in two hours yesterday. Wonderful.

9.  Listening to Frank Sinatra Christmas music makes painting on a snowy day much more fun.

10.  Make sure to mix your gallons of paint or you might have a subtle gray two tone on your walls. We'll need to check into this one a little more in depth.

Thanks for letting me share a little of what my life has been about lately!

Blessings to you, friend!

~Anne

Linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart and Three Word Wednesday!!

The Artist's canvas

I'm joining other brave writers at Five Minute Friday over at Lisa Jo Baker's blog. The idea is to write for five minutes straight. No edits. No backtracking. Just pure writing for the fun of it. Won't you join in the fun? Today's prompt is: MESS.

GO

The Artist looked down at his canvas.

It was dark. 

It was formless and void, but he had plans for it. 

Oh, he had big, big plans.

It didn’t take any effort at all, just words and the canvas had light. 

Then, the Artist began adding colors. So many colors that don’t even fit on an ordinary color wheel. 

Colors of magenta and indigo and peachy and pinks and all manner of colors. He splashed them on his canvas in a lavish fashion. 

He didn’t have to be careful about it because he is the perfect One and even his most messy artist ways are perfect.

It may look a mess to us, but from his angle,

 his artist canvas, his masterpiece, is perfect

 as he is.

He decorated his canvas in ways that are beyond human comprehension. His canvas stretches as far as our eyes can see. We can’t even fathom the depth, the riches, the love, that he has put into his art.

We take after him, yes we do.

We are creative and artistic beings that bear his image. We bear his likeness and we can create beautiful things out of nothing really, just as he created beautiful things out of dust. 

He created us.

Beauty. 

Love.

Lavish artistic array. 

He created it all with perfection. He made all of what we see and experience out of the mess of darkness.

STOP

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Thanks for visiting today, friend! Have a wonderful weekend!

Dare to Be: Creageous {Day 22}

This post is part of a 31 Day series on the topic Dare to Be and linking up with about 1500 other bloggers on hundreds of topics. Come on over to The Nester to visit!


There's no such thing as creative or non-creative people. But people who use or don't use their creativity.

~Brene Brown

No, you didn't read that blog title wrong. I made up a new word. Today.

Creageous=creative + courageous

The Brene Brown online Lifeclass I started yesterday has me putting on my artistic hat. (the one that I have been reluctant to admit I have.)

I have also been asked to do some pretty courageous things in The Daring Way class I'm in.

I think it's all warping my brain. In a good way.

*****************************************************************


Flash forward to today. I call my husband to see how his day is going. After he tells me that his day is challenging, I tell him

"You are creageous." (pronounced cree-a-geous)

an assignment for the Brene Brown Life class

He laughed. I laughed.

That is not a word.

Or, is it?

I say, "Uh, I meant to say courageous, but I think I just coined a new word combining creative and courageous."


I've never made up a word before. But, I kind of like this one.

It was a verbal blunder, but I think I'm on to something. 

I think we were all born to be creative in the way that we live.

We were all born to be courageous.

So, why not call it, creageous??!

Here's to you, an artist, living and making art in your little corner of the kitchen, workplace, concert hall or laundry room.

Here's to being creageous!. 

Do you see yourself as creative and courageous? I know you are! I'd love to hear about it in the comments!

~Anne

P.S. I am showing a picture which is part of the pledge I took in my online class today. I am imperfect and I am enough.

P.P.S It was courageous for me to take my own photo. I'm not a fan of having my picture taken, even by my own self!

P.P.P.S. My fingers aren't really crooked!

Click on my button to see a list of all 31 Days posts! Thanks for visiting me!

Dare to Be: An artist and to make art {Day 19}

Do you consider yourself an artist?

I never once considered myself an artist.

The Master Artist at work

Until recently, when I saw this quote and the book it comes out of.

"You were born to make art. You were made to live art. You might not see yourself as an artist, but you are--in so many unexpected ways. In what you create, whether poetry or pie, sculpture or sand castle, calligraphy or conversation. It's time to uncover the shape of your soul, turn down the voice of the inner critic, and move into the world with the courage to be who you most deeply are."

Emily Freeman, Author of A Million Little Ways

I need these words. Just these words from the back cover of her book breathe fresh wind into my sails.

I was born to make art. I was made to live art. I was born to be an artist at whatever I do in life.

I'm not sure if I'm feeling permission or validation, but her words make me feel something new about me, and what I create.

"The world needs you awake and alive...the world does need you to come alive right where you are and not where you wish you were. If writing books or songs or painting living rooms is what makes you come alive, then that's what you'll need to do."~ Emily Freeman

I think I'll go paint my living room.

~Anne

Click on my button for a list of all 31 Days posts! Thanks for stopping by!