How to handle bad news

There's no doubt about it, it stinks to get bad news. Whether your child got a low grade on a paper, or the ink ran out of your pen, or you got a diagnosis you weren't expecting, bad news is disappointing at the very least.

What do you do with disappointment? It's inevitable, and I've found that the quicker I am to accept the disappointment and acknowledge it, the better off I am. 

Acknowledging negative feelings and sharing them either on paper, or better yet, with a trusted person, helps those negative feelings to shrink. It helps to gain perspective.

I've gone through many disappointments in life.

Little ones and big ones. 

Some take longer to process.

Some need a friend to help you.

Some just take minor attitude adjustments and then you're on your way.

Where do you find yourself? What do you do when you face disappointment of any kind?

Find healthy ways to express your disappointment. 

1. Stop. take a perspective check and breathe.

2. Listen to your inner wisdom, your intuition, and breathe.

3. Take action. 

Even one small step can make a huge difference in your attitude and in your day.

What one thing can you do today to face your disappointment head on, and walk yourself through it?

Blessings to you, friend!

Anne

Linking up today with other writers for Five Minute Friday. All the details are over at katemotaung.com. Come on over and see what others are writing on the prompt "news".

when the tears aren't invited

That time when you're in a new smallish group from church. You've never met any of these gals before, and you suddenly and irrevocably break down in tears, apologizing through them, trying to gain control of these emotions that have clearly over exceeded their limits.

That was me last night. The first meeting in a small group at church. My husband and I signed up to help "teach" English to non-native English speakers. An ESL type of class. 

Last night the men went next door to work on resumes for a couple of the guys.

The gals, another native English speaker and I, and a woman from Iran and one from Iraq, both could communicate a little in English. I wouldn't say well. That is why we were there.

Thankfully, Patty, was a teacher for 20 some years and came prepared with a sheet of questions we could go thru.

And, right in the middle of that, my tears came. They broke the limits of what I think is socially appropriate. They fell anyway, and I had to explain to those surprised eyes looking back at me.

 Swedish cousins Jan Gunner, Angelica and Ing-Marie 

I told them my dad came to America when he was 16 and knew no English. He had to be taught just like this. I told them I have Swedish family that recently came to America, and sometimes we struggled through words just like we were doing.

It just hit me. It really touched me to be sitting there helping this woman from Iraq and this woman from Iran say, "My name is ______. My address is_____.

It made me think of Dad. The tears would not stay inside. They just wouldn't.
And, these lovely women understood.

*****************************************************

Thanks for stopping by today, friend!

I hope you are blessed!

Anne

Linking up today with other lovely writers at Kate Motaung's place for 5 minutes of writing just for the fun of it. No edits, no worries. Head on over to read what others have written on the prompt, "limit".

Seven keys to an emotionally healthy YOU {Dare to Be: Day 10}

This is an I'm-angsty-about-you-so-there's-probably-something-I-need-to-change post.

Stick with me. The Ready Listener speaks and actually gets a little long winded. :)



On Day 2 of this series I told you about how I was the little girl who always wanted everyone in her world to be happy. Think of this post as going a little deeper. Let's just say.....stuff I've learned.

First of all,there are three bottom line facts to remember when you are dealing with other people in your life:

1. You will always have to deal with other people, unless you are the Count of Monte Cristo and sentenced to life in the remote island prison, D'If. Or you are a self-proclaimed hermit and living in the forest with trees for friends.

2. You can't change other people.

3. You can change yourself.

Usually, our first reaction when someone in our lives starts to bug us is to blame. It's true. Blame shifts the focus off of me and totally on them. Yes, they might be doing things that you totally disagree with or that drive you batty, but you do have some choices.

So, here are seven things to remember when you start to get that angsty, twisty feeling in your gut about that someone in your life. For instance, they aren't doing what you think they should be doing. They are driving you crazy. (never happens, right?) Or, you'd like to run to China and never come back.


1. Do not take on other people's stuff. {see Day 2}

2. Limit or eliminate your contact with people who are toxic to you.

Someone who is toxic to you may not be toxic to me. By toxic, I just mean that they drain your energy from you instead of giving you energy and positive feelings. If this person is connected to you by family or a lifetime relationship, the key word here is "limit", not eliminate. 

3. You are allowed to have your own likes, dislikes and opinions.

This doesn't really need any explanation other than the fact that it's true and some of us pleasers need to be reminded of this often. Better yet, we need to learn to remind ourselves of this on a daily basis. If you have the personality of a pleaser, you may have approval addiction, which severely limits your ability to acknowledge your own self. Who you are and what you truly want.

4. Stay in your power.

A friend once told me, knowledge is power. That has stuck with me like glue and thankfully comes up often to smack me in the face. (gently) What we know, we know. What we don't know, we don't know. So, if you finally realize, hey, I'm upset with so-and-so, but-I-can't-change-them-so-what-can-I-change, then you've just won the most important battle.

5. Realize you do have power.

     Sometimes the key is just to realize that you have it.

6. It's okay to disappoint people.

I'm fifty and still working on this one. I checked a book out of the library recently called Your Spacious Self by Stephanie Vogt. I didn't read the whole thing, but this little chapter really caught my attention. She actually said that we should practice disappointing people! She didn't mean to be intentionally mean or evil. But, it is good, okay and actually positive (especially for perpetual pleasers) to disappoint people by saying that two letter word once in awhile. Think of it as training. I don't mean to sound like this is easy.

7. Learn the two letter word and how to use it. 

No. Again, this is not to be mean, but as I talked about in Day 2, we have to set healthy boundaries around our time, relationships and all kinds of other things like food, media, etc. Henry Cloud does an excellent job explaining boundaries in his book called...Boundaries. If you have not read it and you struggle with these things I would check the library in your neighborhood and give it a read. You are precious, your time is limited. You need to take care of YOU.

Thanks for sticking with me!

I don't pretend that all of this is easy. 

But,this is some of the most emotionally freeing information I've learned in the last thirteen years as I've been on a very intentional journey to become the most emotionally healthy person I can be. I hope it helps you in some way.

Highly recommended reading on this topic:

Boundaries by Henry Cloud
Approval Addiction by Joyce Meyer
Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer
Bold Love by Dan Allender

Do you have thoughts on this topic? I'd love to hear what you've learned about emotional health in the comments!

May you find the freedom, and dare yourself to be emotionally healthy!

Blessings, 

~Anne

Click on my button for a list of all 31 Day posts! Thanks for stopping by!

eyes wide open: falling leaves as teachers {day 5}

Two years ago right now, the trees were just like they are now. Full of colorful leaves that were just beginning to make their seasonal descent to the ground. I left in my van on an errand. The wind picked up and literally picked up a whole bunch of leaves. You know, like when you were a little kid in the fall. Outside. And you scooped up an armload of leaves just to see how many you could hold in your tiny arms. Then, you threw them up in the air to see the wind make them dance.

That was me that day in my van.  I felt like I was floating on air. Suspended with the leaves that the wind had just thrown from her hands. It made me think of God carrying me, in the fickleness of my emotions, just like the wind carrying the colorful, falling leaves. 

God, 

yesterday as I drove my van to my appointment

leaves danced around me.

yellow, gold, orange.

Your fall beauty.

I felt as though my van and I were floating...

being carried by the dancing leaves as they 

rose up around me like wisps of smoke from a chimney.

in these dancing, twirling leaves I saw You.

sometimes my emotions are like those leaves.

dancing.

swirling.

darting at the whim of the winds that blow in my life.

 through those same winds, though,

You carry me.

like a beautiful fall leaf

in the wind.

see day 1 for a list of all 31 posts

one way to clear soul clutter {day 4}

My sentimentality has created a soul burden.


As I opened the closet door, empty garbage bags in hand ready to fill and take to Goodwill, I wondered (as I've been wondering for months) where to start. It seemed daunting. A goal unreachable. Do I finally get rid of my kids' baby shoes? (my youngest is 19). What about my college notebooks from Swedish class? (I'm 49). Ooo....I might still want to cover that pillow like the ones I saw at Pottery Barn.

And then there are the two boxes still chock full with memorabilia from my Great Aunt Esther. Even though she's long been passed, somehow I got handed her doll dresser from the early 1900's and her high school graduation picture from 1918, among many other things. If I get rid of Aunt Esther's things, all traces of her will vanish from the earth with them. How could I do that? See what my heart goes through when I start to try to clean out? It's utterly exhausting.

I've been realizing what a time and energy consumer my "precious things" have had in my mind and emotions. I am beginning to see all of this stuff differently now. Not sure why. I'm a sentimental collector and at one time had a passion for each item that's crossing my hands as it passes into one of the bags on my floor. What I once saw as "gotta have this", I now see as extra baggage weighing me down. I'm still sorting out the reasons for this.

Aunt Esther and Me

I'm still as sentimental as they come. But this stuff doesn't have the pull on me that it once did. I'm different than I was just 5 years ago. I do know that with each bag of stuff off-loaded to greener pastures, my vision is clearing. My heart feels that much more ready to take in new terrain. New creativity. New vision. More space to breathe. And think. And dream.

I like it. 

I'm going to keep filling bags. I know I'm not where I need to be with this, but I like this new way of seeing "things". It's better. I'm better. I'm grateful for progress.


please see day 1 to see a list of the 31 posts.

The Storage Room

So, what do 27 year old Aerospace Engineering textbooks and a dozen or more unfinished cross stitch projects have in common you might ask. Well, today they were exhumed from our storage room. Those books have been dragged around in a box to every house we've lived in for the past 27 years. That's two apartments, a rental house, our first purchased home, plus four more! And, I had a box of random cross stitch projects that I had started at one time and never had the motivation to finish. They were tossed into a box with assorted half used ribbon spools, a bunch of antique spools of thread, needles, some remnants from one of our now grown boys' Pokemon games and just well, junk. 


After putting a good one and a half hours into the cleaning process, we were just chillin' in the family room and my hubby asked me, "Why do we hang on so tightly to all this stuff that just doesn't mean anything?" I couldn't think of one good reason except for the fact that we somehow attach an emotion to each thing that we own. Then, when we decide that we no longer want or need that item, the emotion attached to the thing (like the original Star Trek posters my husband had hanging in his room growing up) keeps us hanging on for just a little bit longer.


See, being new empty nesters as of last fall, we're wanting to move half way across the country to start something new. New job (hopefully, and yes needed) for my husband, and grad school for me (yes at 48!). I am applying for next fall, er I mean this coming fall (yikes!) 2012, and my husband is currently scanning job websites to hopefully find that job that's gonna make up the 1.5 times higher living costs on the west coast. And, yes, this does mean a very small living space is going to be waiting for us there. Good thing we still like each other!


Somehow, we're gonna have to get past that emotion that we have attached to a lot of "stuff" in our house that is, well, just stuff. We know that in our heads. Will we have the guts to do the down sizing that is needed for a move of this magnitude? Will we remember as we are taking stuff to the curb, Goodwill, or posting on Craigs List that it is just stuff and can be replaced if we decide later that we can't live without it? 


My wheels are turning. I'm wondering what item  it will be that is the most difficult to let go of to lighten my load. The Good Lord knows it needs lightening in so many ways.