the path to wholeheartedness

Linking up today with other brave writers for Five Minute Friday, almost a week late! The link up is over at Kate Motaung's blog. So, hey there! The prompt for last week was "path". It took me this long to decide which direction to go with it. What path are you taking these days?




There are myriads of paths to take. Even with this prompt, I'm tempted to give up even before I begin. 

Know why?

So many choices! How do I decide where to take this?

What path will I choose for this week's prompt?

The path that comes to mind over and over again is wholeheartedness. I think that's been the theme of this blog.

My dream and desire is to take the path of truth, both to myself and to others.

The path that might be the less worn, but the path that leads to wholeheartedness.

Sebasco, Maine

Being brave in the face of fear.

Facing the fears or enemies of peace head on.

Protecting myself from danger when possible.

Leading my soul to greener pastures that promote peace in the midst of chaos.

Pointing my spirit to the One and only One who can point me to truth, peace and all other good things.

This I believe. 

This I want to live.

Wholeheartedness and truthful living means that I might find myself *face down in the mud, in the middle of the arena more times than I would like.  It means that I'll have to remind myself that I'm not alone. That I am a warrior, living out my messy story. But, it's my story to live. No one else's.

I'll have to remind myself that I can get back up from the mud. That with my fellow brave warriors around me, I can survive and thrive the tough stuff. I can wash up, get up and try again. That I'm not alone in this.

I've got friends.
I've got fellow warriors.
I've got myself.
And, I've got the God who made me.

****************

Blessings to you, friend. Thanks so much for stopping!!

Anne

*references to the "arena" are from author Brene Brown's book, Daring Greatly, which has had a huge influence on my wholehearted journey. You can click on the Daring Greatly tag at the bottom of this post to read other posts I've written on daring greatly and wholehearted living. :)

Six {ish} things I learned in July

Today I'm linking up with Emily Freeman at her blog for the Things I Learned link up. OMG. It's the bestest, most fun post to write. Here, I don't take myself seriously for some reason. Check out what other writers have learned in July over at Emily's blog.



There are several reasons NOT to write this post. 

1. It is already August 4th and it feels like July news is, well, old news.
2. the things I learned (or relearned) in July are not earth shattering and you'd probably be just as okay if you didn't know them.
3. I don't remember this one.

Okay, okay. I'll write my list of things I learned in July, even though this feels dated.


1. I saw one of the most beautiful gardens I've ever seen whilst waiting for the July 4th fireworks show to begin. I LOVE pinks and blues and purples together in the garden!

2.  For our 31st anniversary, hubby and I went to Minneapolis and we visited the Minneapolis Institute of Arts for the first time. Not only did we go for the first time, but it was FREE. (p.s. if you ever get to Minneapolis, you HAVE to go here!)

I learned that my engineer/marketing husband really does enjoy looking at art. I mean, I knew that. He's been trying to get ME to go to this museum "for years" he says. I believe him. It wasn't until I went to the Museum of Modern Art in NYC in April that I had an "art awakening" so to speak. I mean, I was really moved by the paintings I saw there of Picasso, Van Gogh, etc. 

Back to the Minneapolis Institute of Arts, we had just gone through the whole thing in 2.5 hours. Our feet were sore, legs tired, but hubby was not satisfied. He said, "I looked for Rembrandt and didn't see him. I'm Dutch and I want to see this Dutch painter." So, we hoofed back through and found Rembrandt. 

FUN.


3.  Birdseed matters.  When we first moved into our "new" home in December, we filled our new feeder with a bag from the store called "Songbird Blend" or something similar. We had sparrows come to eat, but also Blue Jays and even some Cardinals. Then, we went and got a "cheaper" blend. Not sure what the seed ratio is, but the colorful birds are no longer appearing. *insert sad face here*. 

I haven't convinced hubby that we don't need to finish the 40lb. bag of seed, that we can just go out and get the "Songbird Blend" again. Oh well. I keep telling myself, sparrows or LBB's as we call them (Little Brown Birds) are still important!!! They still need to eat, too! Right? Right!


4. There's a restaurant we've been to twice now in Minneapolis that you have to go to if you go to Minneapolis and if you live there, oh my gosh, I'm jealous. It's called French Meadow Bakery and Cafe. We got their sprouted organic home made corn chips again as an appetizer. I think I died and went to corn chip heaven.


5. Here's a mini list of "re-learns" from July.

a. "letting go" has many applications---in relationships and art.

b. tears may come inexplicably and seemingly for no reason, but they come for a VERY good reason, so listen and take note.

c. someone who has done things a certain way for years and years, may one day up and do something totally new and different. (my husband who RARELY BUYS ANYTHING for himself bought 3 books at Half Price Book store last weekend-surprised the sandals off of me!)

d.  Daring Greatly (think Brene Brown) may mean you step into the arena relationally and find your voice cracking and tears streaming down your face unexpectedly. It's still worth it to get in the arena and try.

6.  I painted a boat. And, my mom wants to buy it. 

Thanks for stopping by today, friend!
Blessings to you,

~Anne

10 things I learned in April

Linking up today with Emily at Chatting at the Sky for her monthly "What I learned" link up! A time where we share the mundane and epic. I'd say most of mine this month are epic learnings. Here, in no particular order, are ten things I learned in April.


A week ago I returned from five days with friends I'd never met in person. We met online through Brene Brown's e-course on her book The Gifts of Imperfection last year. We decided it would be fantastic to meet up in real life!

Each of us had to step out into courage to book tickets or drive to meet one another. What an adventure it was as we met face to face and spent five days seeing the sites of New York City! 

We traveled from Thailand, Utah, Virginia, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Canada, California and Iowa. 

My list of "things I learned" in April is all from this epic trip!



1.  Hailing a taxi isn't as hard as I imagined.  I had been anxious about this part of NYC for awhile. Never had ridden in, much less hailed a taxi. Here are the directions for hailing a taxi:

A. stand out by curb
B. stick out your arm really high, like you are in school
C. step into taxi when it pulls over for you.
D. tell taxi driver the address where you need to go
E. pay with cash or swipe your credit card 


2.  20% tips are the suggested minimum in NYC taxis. I wouldn't want to try tipping less.

3.  This was my first time ever in New York City so I was definitely a newbie at everything. I grew up on a farm and never realized that this kind of trip would be a reality someday! Woo hoo!

4.  The views from the 86th floor of the Empire State Building at midnight are a sight to behold!

5.  Meeting my dear online friends in real life was a huge blessing. Getting to hear their voices and see their smiling faces. Priceless!

6.  Seeing Lady Liberty is so much better than on a post card. She's regal, stately and elegant. I can just imagine how my dad must have felt coming to America in 1948 and seeing her for the first time from his ship!

7.  Going to Ellis Island where my father came in to the United States from Sweden in 1948 was very moving for me. I was able to look up his name on a computer right there and see the ship manifest where his name and important information was written when he was registered. Awesome.

8.  Manhattan has 13,000 taxis, and 85% of Manhattan-ites do not own a car. (wow, I would miss my car!)

9.  Delta Airline snacks brought much more joy than they should have.

10.  I was moved more than I thought possible by Monet, van Gogh, Picasso and Klimt at the Museum of Modern Art in Manhattan. I don't consider myself an art museum junkie at all. But, when I saw these originals, something clicked. I got what all the fuss is about!

There are so many more things I could've written on this list, like how fun it was to walk around on Rockefeller Plaza, where I used to watch Bryant Gumbel, and now Matt Lauer and Al Roker from NBC news interview people right there in front of the building!

Thanks for letting me reminisce a bit on a fantastic trip.

Blessings to you, friend.

~Anne

When fears are like dirty socks

Once upon a time there was a little girl. She had big dreams inside her heart. She knew they were there, even though she didn't really know what all of them were, or what they would turn out to be.

Even though this little girl had dreams, she was often afraid of trying new things.

What if she would get hurt?

What if she would get lost?

What if she just didn't have what it takes?

She grew up being fearful. Whether it was her own fear, or others' fear projected onto her, she internalized it and it became her own. Many of these fears grew with her. 

As she grew older, the fears wouldn't leave. The fears hung around like dirty socks laying on the bedroom floor.

Like walking around the pile of dirty socks, she adapted to some of the fears even though they limited her. Some grew bigger and stuck like glue.


The fear of the unknown kept her inside a shell. 

The fear of failure kept her from trying new things. 

The fear of the future kept her living in the past.

Even the fear of success kept her from really soaring.


Then, one day, the little girl grew up. She had grown taller, older and wiser. 

She found out she no longer had to bow to the fears that had clung like dirty socks to her soul. With wisdom, she began picking up those dirty socks with her nimble and capable fingers. 

Each sock of fear she dumped into the basket of learning and hope. And, each sock of fear that she threw down turned into a possibililty.

The fear of the unknown turned into dreaming of what could be.
The fear of failure turned into permission to learn from her mistakes.
The fear of the future turned into anticipation of all good things. 
The fear of success turned into being true to herself. 

She also began to dig deep to learn where and how these limiting fears started. 

And, why she'd always been so willing to let these fears control her life.

St. Peter's Cathedral--NYC

They'd robbed her of her courage. They'd robbed her of new experiences. They'd robbed her of her self-esteem and self-worth. They had just plain robbed her of life.

She doesn't really know what's next. 
No one ever does. 

But, she's willing to live courageously in the unknown, knowing this is part of her journey.

She's willing to embrace her imperfections and limitations and work toward squashing her fears.

She's living wholeheartedly.
She's living courageously.
She's daring greatly.

Blessings to you today, friend! 

~Anne

Linking up today with the lovely Holley Gerth for Coffee for Your Heart and Kristin Taylor for Three Word Wednesday.

When you need twenty seconds of insane courage

I watched We Bought a Zoo with my family the other night. It's one of my husbands favorites, so we've seen it four or five times. I admit, I actually made an inward sigh when that movie was chosen for the night. 

Even though I was sitting in my chair knitting feverishly, I surprised myself by paying more attention to certain parts of the movie this time than I have in previous viewings. 

One of the phrases that Benjamin Mee teaches his son is the phrase, 

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage." 

He says this to his son because his son wants to talk to a cute girl, but he doesn't know how.

Towards the end of the movie, Mr. Mee starts telling the story to his kids of how he met their mother in a cafe. 

He said it took him telling himself that "all it takes is twenty seconds of insane courage" for him to approach the most beautiful girl in the world. He makes sure he tells them it ended well for him, because he ended up marrying her. He tells them, "this is when you became a possibility." I love that.



I can't tell you how many times in my life this statement would have come in handy for me.


Times when I was facing the fear of calling someone I was afraid of, 

walking into the new junior high for the first day of ninth grade, 

or even taking some new medicine that was supposed to help me.



These might seem trivial, but I needed twenty seconds of insane courage to do each of those things, and many more in my lifetime!


Twenty seconds of insane courage. 

You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of 

insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just 

embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great 

will come of it.~Benjamin Mee

This phrase actually prods me on. It bolsters my courage. If I can just muster twenty seconds of insane courage or embarrassing bravery what could I do!?

The possibilities excite me!

If you considered the possibilities of what having twenty seconds of insane courage could propel you do to, what would it be?

Blessings to you today, friend! Such great things to ponder!

~Anne

I'm linking up today with Holley at Coffee for Your Heart and Beth for Three Word Wednesday. 

When you come in dead last

When they all started talking and getting excited about Fun Day, I started dreading it. It was a day planned in the spring at our city park for a picnic for my whole country school, grades K-8, and other country schools in the area. 

Picnic at the park, food provided. Lovely.

But then, it came time for the "fun" part of the day. We were all transported to the high school track. There were bleachers there for the teachers and parents who wanted to come and watch. And for us students who were either awaiting our turn or watching other runners.

And then, it was time for the running races to begin. 
We weren't given a choice whether we would run in these races or not. 

It was just planned. It was "Fun Day" after all, and aren't running races fun?

Not for this chubby, not-an-athletic-bone-in-her-body girl.

Kindergarteners went first. Groups of eight to ten kids would stand at the starting line and wait for the word "Go!" and then they'd be off!!

I dreaded when my class was up next.

The reason I dreaded Fun Day is because I always came in dead last. 

Every year, I knew. I would come in dead last.

Each year at Fun Day, I felt shame for coming in dead last.
I don't remember anyone saying anything to me about it, either good or bad. Dead last racers usually aren't recognized. 

Maybe my teacher said, "good job".

But, it was humiliating to come in dead last in the race every year. And, by dead last I mean I was a good ten feet away from the person in front of me. 


If I could go back to my childhood self I'd have a few things to say to this lovely girl. 

I'd say, 

 Your worth isn't based on where you come in in the running race. You are valuable whether you can run fast or not. 

I would make sure she knew that she was brave for getting out there on the starting line in the first place. She was brave for facing her fear of coming in dead 
last. 

I would tell her,

I'm so proud of you for showing up, being brave, starting and finishing this race. It's not about winning! It's about showing up and being your brave beautiful self!

This is what I want to tell you today, friend.

In the race of life, if you feel like you always come in dead last, don't let that get to your heart. I want you to know you are brave for showing up. Brave for starting and brave for being your own unique beautiful self! 

Blessings to you today friend,

~Anne

I'm linking up today with other lovely writers at Coffee for Your Heart and Three Word Wednesday. 

Why I write

I'm putting fingers to keyboard today along with lots of other writers at lisa jo baker's blog for five minute friday where we write for five minutes straight. No worries about perfection, this is about writing for the joy of it. 

Come on over and check it out and if you decide to join in, watch out! You're going to be encouraged! Today's prompt is "write". 

**************************************************************

My view of the FMF community

What do you do, when you feel you have multiple books inside of you, but you're not sure how to get them out?

Show up, Be seen. Live brave...is what I keep reminding myself on this little blog.

Yes, it takes lots of bravery for me, and now I'm realizing lots of us, to put pen to page, or hands to keyboard and let the passions, words, thoughts, emotions, dreams and desires flow out to let the world see them.

It's a love/hate, brave/scared proposition, this writing business! I so want to write with purpose, to encourage others in their journeys, in their faith walks.

I want to tell my story, and in the telling hopefully you'll see something and say, "Ahh, me, too!" And, you'll realize anew that you are not a drop in the big sea of life.

But, that you belong to a vast ocean of others who are on this journey called life.

You're not alone, but you belong!

That's my heart's desire.

So, I'm going to keep writing.

Dare to Be: Brave Part 2 {Day 23}

News flash. 

Today, I did not want to go to the gym. 

My flesh is so weak! I wanted to just cozy up under an afghan and drink tea this afternoon!!

On Day 12 I told you about our trial at the gym, with our oldest son as our trainer. It's been going pretty well, in that my husband and I are still going. Our two week trial is up tomorrow. 

So, the proof will be in the pudding. Tomorrow.

And, I felt really frumpy today at the gym. It is really hard for me to stand in front of a mirror. Much less to stand in front of a mirror lifting weights at the gym. 

I am in loose fitting pants and a sweatshirt, because, it hides more. Nothing I'm wearing really matches. I am not put together. I look around and I feel, just frumpy.

even though I put my belt on yesterday morning and it just hung there....good sign something is happening!

So uncomfortable and honestly, I'm not sure I would go right now if my husband had not agreed to do this with me. 

But, I did the weight lifting anyway. 


I'm not sure about you, but being brave to me doesn't just look like going to a gym when I am out of shape, and lifting weights in the weight room with Arnold's 
and very fit women all around me.


Being brave looks like going back. And back. And then back again.

It will take bravery to keep going and facing that mirror and really facing my own negative body image. Something I really need work on.

As we were walking out of the gym today, my husband says, I don't know about all this. Is it really doing any good?

I say to him.

You are investing in your future self.

Yes, I really do believe that.

I'm going to keep choosing to be brave.

~Anne

Click on my button to see a list of all 31 Days posts!

Dare to Be: not knowing all the answers {Day 13}

This post is part of a 31 Day series on the topic Dare to Be and linking up with about 1500 other bloggers on hundreds of topics. Come on over to The Nester to check that out!

What do you do when you see someone in your circle of friends or family who is hurting physically, emotionally or spiritually? 

You want to help that someone who is hurting. But, there is a huge difference between helping someone and rescuing them. 

Helping them would be if you see them drowning that you throw them a lifeline. You wouldn't just stand on shore and watch them drown, would you? 

But, to rescue someone means that I try to protect them from the consequences of their own choices. That is not my job. If I try to protect someone from the consequences of their own choices I am being co-dependent with them. And, I am not helping them at all. I am probably going to make things worse for them. And, for me.

Sometimes, I admit, it is hard to know the difference.



Since I just read Brene Brown's book, Daring Greatly, several things she said come into mind.

According to Brene Brown there are three irreducible needs of human beings. Those are:

1) to be seen and loved 
2) to belong 
3) to be brave 

So, my question is, how can I, as a friend, wife, mom, daughter help those within my circle of influence to be seen and loved, to feel like they belong and to help them understand that they are brave? 

Those are things I would do if I can figure out how to do it.

If I'm being a catalyst for any of those three things, I am helping. Not rescuing. I am throwing out that lifeline that says,

"Hey, I see you. I see what you are going through and I care. 

You belong in my world. You belong here. Don't ever think that you don't belong here. Also, you belong in God's family, too. And, He loves you more than you can imagine.

I want you to know that I think you are one of the bravest people I know. I've seen what you've been through. I see what struggles you've had in the past and the struggles that you currently have and only the bravest could survive such struggle. You are brave."

This is what I want to say to those in my inner circles. Those whom God puts in my path.

I fall far short of where I want to be with this. But, this is my heart. 

This is my learning curve with God.

I want to be His mouthpiece, 

and even if it takes all of what I have within me to dare those words out of my mouth, or through a pen down onto paper, I want to use up every last ounce of energy to do it. 

And, you, my friend? I want to say it to you, too.

You are loved.
You belong.
You are brave.

Click on my button to see a list of all 31 Days posts.

Dare to Be: Brave, plus a question {Day 12}

This post is part of a 31 Day series on the topic Dare to Be and linking up with about 1500 other bloggers on hundreds of topics. Come on over to The Nester to check that out!

We were born to be brave.

~Brene Brown

The two blondes in spandex are staring at my husband and me from behind the desk. No hi's or welcomes. Just blank stares.  I've squeezed into my yoga pants and an large ISU t-shirt, but I still feel out of place and that all eyes are on me.

My son and daughter in law have lovingly penciled out a workout for us. It's down on the paper he clutches in his hand as we enter the center. And, I've been saying that this is what I need for months now.

As usual, I feel like the opinions and judgements are flowing like ESPN between the two blondes. "What are they doing here? They look stupid!" (they, of course, may not be thinking either of these things, but these are my tapes playing.)

This isn't my first step into a fitness facility, but it's been about five years since I quit my last one. My six foot one son who's been at this fitness thing since college has finally gotten his parents to give this a shot, so he's standing between us at the counter.

"I'm here to sign these two up for a week trial." he says to the blondes.

The blondes blink back, mumble something between them. One of them finally reaches for the forms.This is so awkward. I'm ready to bolt back to my mini van and scratch the whole thing.

I was afraid this would happen because it's happened before. This is one of my things. One of the things I hate. Walking into unknown situations. Situations where I feel ill-equipped, or like a misfit. 

But, I say to myself I can do this.

Before us, the room is fairly empty (thank you, God) except for the tattooed body builder who looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger. After that I see a senior citizen gentleman doing crunches on the floor, and an overweight lady with a red t-shirt on the treadmill.

Thank you, God, again. Thank you for normal people like me.

You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort but you can't have both.

~Brene Brown

    It took being brave for me to step into this fitness center after being away for five years.

It took bravery for my husband to step into this having never done anything like this before in his entire life. 

According to Brene Brown, we dared greatly by signing up for a week trial at a fitness center.


Maybe daring greatly looks different for you. Maybe daring greatly is signing up for classes at a university. Maybe it is trying out a new recipe on your in laws. Maybe it is to climb Mount Everest.

The point is, you were made to be brave. And so was I. 


Today, I'm asking you if you'd like to share one thing you've done in the last week that you would consider being brave, or daring greatly.

Mine was stepping foot into an intimidating fitness center. Tell me yours in the comments. I'd love to hear how you are daring yourself to be brave!

*quotations are from the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Click on my button for a list of all 31 Days posts! Thanks for stopping by!

Also linking up with The Weekend Brew!