Five simple ways to create space for yourself

Linking up today with other writers over at Kate Motaung's blog, Heading Home. We write for five minutes straight. No fancy edits, just writing for the fun of it. Today's prompt is create.


Do you ever feel like life is closing in around you. Like the demands for your time and energy are more than you can manage, and you're getting more and more resentful?



Maybe it's time to take a little "me" time. Time for some self-care. Time to slow down.  Below are five ways you can create more space for yourself. 

1.  recognize your limits.  We all have them. Another word for these are boundaries. We can set a simple boundary for ourselves by saying the simple word "no". Boundaries and limits protect our time, treasure and energy.

2.  be aware of how you're wired.  Are you an introvert, gaining energy by being alone? Or are you an extrovert, gaining energy by being with others? This is a very important piece of data to have about yourself. Know yourself and you'll find out quickly if you should say no to that party or YES, I'M all in!!

3.  Julia Cameron (author) advocates "artist dates" for yourself. I'm advocating a "take time for yourself date". What do you like to do?? Museums? Swimming? Coffee? Walking? Learn to be content doing things alone.

4.  Create. I cannot say enough about this. Create and your heart will be happy. Create and you'll feel free in your soul. I've written many posts about this and I've become a firm believer.

5.  Write yourself a letter from your "highest self". I mean this. It sounds weird, but it's not. It's totally legit. You'll be surprised how your higher self just "knows" something that your emotions have been overriding. I highly encourage this for emotional freedom.

Most of all. Listen to your intuition. Listen to your gut. It's going to be right. It knows what's right for you.

Blessings to you, friend.

Anne

What does your soul need?

I was 25 before I became a consistent face-washer before bed. Sad to say, but before that it was hit and miss, even though I had blemished skin starting in my early teens. 

Once I made night time face washing a ritual, though, I started to realize what a gift I was giving myself. I was actually giving myself a mini face spa treatment every night. My skin began to thank me. I layed my face on my pillow feeling more refreshed after the dirt from the day was washed away.


What if we did this on a regular basis for our souls? To give ourselves a mini soul spa regularly by letting go of the negative stuff that weighs our souls down, and inhaling what our souls desperately need?

What exactly do our souls need? I often find myself asking that question. 

What does my soul need?

It's taken me most of my life to become self-aware enough to learn what my soul needs. For much of my life, I mostly paid attention to the needs of the people around me.

As a wife and mother, I focused on the needs I was called to meet. That part is a good thing.

But, I forgot about my needs.

I had neglected my soul. The deepest part of me that is ME.

I had even kind of forgotten what I like and dislike because I was such a people pleaser, always trying to keep the peace. And, always trying to keep the people around me happy.

I did this to the neglect of myself and my needs. That's not a good thing.

Finally, one day my soul said STOP. SLOW DOWN. 

So, I did. I began to learn what my soul needs.

One of the things I realized my soul needs is regular times of quiet and solitude. If I don't get this regularly, I am no good to myself or those around me. 


How about you? Do you know what your soul needs? Are you willing to work at finding out?

Your soul will thank you when you do.

Blessings to you, friend!

~Anne

Linking up today with Holley Gerth at Coffee for Your Heart.

Why I'm not blogging for 31 Days

For the past two years, I linked up with The Nester for 31 Days of Blogging in October. It was a blast, and I planned on doing it again this year! 


I was seriously going to do it. I had my first post written and a list of ideas for the other thirty posts. 

My topic was fantastic, something I really need myself. 

31 Days of Mini Soul Spas

Now, doesn't that sound like something you'd like? I sure would!

Then, my wise daughter reminded me of some important facts.

1. Our house is on the market

2. We close on a different house in about five weeks. 

3. We'll need to start packing.

4. I might feel stressed at having to pack and move a household AND come up with thirty one engaging posts that make some kind of sense!


She very gently, but firmly reminded me of some needed boundaries. 


I was really looking forward to the challenge of writing 31 blog posts in 31 days! I did it the last two years and it was so rewarding! Neither time did I write posts ahead of time. I just "winged" it. 

However, I'm going to listen to my daughter. This time. ;)

And, I started to think of a couple of benefits for not participating this year. 

1. Take my own advice, and slow the pace here while I can and give MYSELF some mini soul spas before the move!

2. Take some time to read some of the bloggers that have linked up to write31days.com. Find some I've enjoyed reading already and find some new ones.

When I was busy writing for 31 days the last two years, I didn't have time to go and read many other blogs. This will give me a chance to browse a bit and discover. 

So, although I'll miss the challenge and the community of it this year, I'll be good and ready for next year when October comes around again and I'm settled in my new house! 

Cheers to all the 31 day-ers of 2014!

{If you'd like to take a peek at my last two years' 31 Days posts, you can go here and here.}

Blessings to you!

~Anne

Linking up today with Coffee For Your Heart

Seven keys to an emotionally healthy YOU {Dare to Be: Day 10}

This is an I'm-angsty-about-you-so-there's-probably-something-I-need-to-change post.

Stick with me. The Ready Listener speaks and actually gets a little long winded. :)



On Day 2 of this series I told you about how I was the little girl who always wanted everyone in her world to be happy. Think of this post as going a little deeper. Let's just say.....stuff I've learned.

First of all,there are three bottom line facts to remember when you are dealing with other people in your life:

1. You will always have to deal with other people, unless you are the Count of Monte Cristo and sentenced to life in the remote island prison, D'If. Or you are a self-proclaimed hermit and living in the forest with trees for friends.

2. You can't change other people.

3. You can change yourself.

Usually, our first reaction when someone in our lives starts to bug us is to blame. It's true. Blame shifts the focus off of me and totally on them. Yes, they might be doing things that you totally disagree with or that drive you batty, but you do have some choices.

So, here are seven things to remember when you start to get that angsty, twisty feeling in your gut about that someone in your life. For instance, they aren't doing what you think they should be doing. They are driving you crazy. (never happens, right?) Or, you'd like to run to China and never come back.


1. Do not take on other people's stuff. {see Day 2}

2. Limit or eliminate your contact with people who are toxic to you.

Someone who is toxic to you may not be toxic to me. By toxic, I just mean that they drain your energy from you instead of giving you energy and positive feelings. If this person is connected to you by family or a lifetime relationship, the key word here is "limit", not eliminate. 

3. You are allowed to have your own likes, dislikes and opinions.

This doesn't really need any explanation other than the fact that it's true and some of us pleasers need to be reminded of this often. Better yet, we need to learn to remind ourselves of this on a daily basis. If you have the personality of a pleaser, you may have approval addiction, which severely limits your ability to acknowledge your own self. Who you are and what you truly want.

4. Stay in your power.

A friend once told me, knowledge is power. That has stuck with me like glue and thankfully comes up often to smack me in the face. (gently) What we know, we know. What we don't know, we don't know. So, if you finally realize, hey, I'm upset with so-and-so, but-I-can't-change-them-so-what-can-I-change, then you've just won the most important battle.

5. Realize you do have power.

     Sometimes the key is just to realize that you have it.

6. It's okay to disappoint people.

I'm fifty and still working on this one. I checked a book out of the library recently called Your Spacious Self by Stephanie Vogt. I didn't read the whole thing, but this little chapter really caught my attention. She actually said that we should practice disappointing people! She didn't mean to be intentionally mean or evil. But, it is good, okay and actually positive (especially for perpetual pleasers) to disappoint people by saying that two letter word once in awhile. Think of it as training. I don't mean to sound like this is easy.

7. Learn the two letter word and how to use it. 

No. Again, this is not to be mean, but as I talked about in Day 2, we have to set healthy boundaries around our time, relationships and all kinds of other things like food, media, etc. Henry Cloud does an excellent job explaining boundaries in his book called...Boundaries. If you have not read it and you struggle with these things I would check the library in your neighborhood and give it a read. You are precious, your time is limited. You need to take care of YOU.

Thanks for sticking with me!

I don't pretend that all of this is easy. 

But,this is some of the most emotionally freeing information I've learned in the last thirteen years as I've been on a very intentional journey to become the most emotionally healthy person I can be. I hope it helps you in some way.

Highly recommended reading on this topic:

Boundaries by Henry Cloud
Approval Addiction by Joyce Meyer
Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer
Bold Love by Dan Allender

Do you have thoughts on this topic? I'd love to hear what you've learned about emotional health in the comments!

May you find the freedom, and dare yourself to be emotionally healthy!

Blessings, 

~Anne

Click on my button for a list of all 31 Day posts! Thanks for stopping by!

Dare to be: self aware {Day 2}

See that face? I was the little girl who just wanted everyone in her world to be happy. I'm not sure when or how that happened, but it did. Maybe it's because I'm a firstborn. Maybe because I'm a firstborn girl. Whatever the cause, this tendency has hung around for as long as I can remember, and it's gotten me into trouble.

"But Anne, how can it be harmful to want people around you to be happy", you may ask. 

Because, I'm not responsible for anyone else's happiness.

I grew up believing that it was my responsibility to make those around me happy. My mom, my dad, my siblings, you name it. This is called false responsibility. 

How can a little girl be responsible for her mom, dad and brothers and sisters happiness? This is just not true. As an adult I know this. With my brain I know this, but ingrained patterns do not give up easily. 

I've felt mean saying "no". I've felt like a betrayer if I went against someone's wishes. I've had to learn the truth about boundaries. What they are, how they work, when to use them. 

Boundaries are like an invisible fence that we put up around our lives, our selves, to protect our treasures, says Dr. Henry Cloud, popular psychologist. Boundaries tell us when it is okay and good to say yes to people and things, and when to say no.

Since I'm wired to want to help people who are hurting I need to be careful that I don't go outside of my own emotional boundaries. I need a way to check myself in these circumstances.

I came up with six questions to ask myself when that drive to rescue someone creeps up on me. It's funny how I'm checking myself with some form of these questions almost daily.


1.  Is this mine to carry?
2. Am I responsible for this person?
3. Am I responsible for this situation?
4. Can I do anything about this?
5. What is the best way for me to care for me in this situation?
6. Do I need to step away from this (person, event, situation) to gain clarity?


I'm learning that I need to give myself permission to speak into the situation if needed, and to speak to myself, and/or to step away altogether.

I'm still learning to be aware of my emotions, what's going on around me, and how both are affecting me. 

I'm daring to be....self aware.

How about you? How self aware are you? Do you have healthy emotional boundaries? I'd love to hear your feedback.

Click on my button for a list of all 31 Day posts.