Shame and Grace in the arena

Today I'm joining up with lots of encouraging writers at Lisa Jo Baker's blog for Five Minute Friday. Five minutes of unedited writing just for the sheer fun of it. The prompt today is grace. 

Shame and Grace enter the arena together.

The stands are sparse, but the people who are there are Comparison and Not Good Enough affiliated.

Shame is huge. 

Daunting. 

Large and bulbous as a sumo wrestler. He looks like he’s in one of those fat suits, but its real. 

Skinny loin cloth is all he wears except for his grimacing face.

Grace enters as well. 

She’s got her armor. 

She’s got her shield. 

It’s not the shield that she’s got to hide behind. 

Her shield is the Truth.

She’s terrified of entering the arena, but she enters nonetheless.

She faces this giant of shame and ugliness and hugeness.

She walks slowly toward her opponent.

The key here, is that she is advancing, not retreating.

She’s ready.

She’s willing.

She’s right there, ready to put out her sword and fight the good fight.

She glances behind her and sure enough, her Prince is in the box seat right behind her cheering her on. 

He’s there alright, because He said he would be, and He's

 good for His word.

As she draws her sword and holds her shield, the sumo wrestler of intimidation and shame staggers. 

He totters.

Before her eyes he slithers. 

He shrinks. 

He’s now down to nothingness. 

Scrawny, skinny, weak.

Grace has won.

Dare to live wholeheartedly {Day 31}

For the last 31 days, I've been writing about things that I want to keep daring myself to be and do. It's been a great journey and I want to thank you for taking the time to come along with me!

Just the term 'dare to be' implies that it is a challenge and that it takes courage.

It will take courage to keep coming against the fear that rises up in me in order to live wholeheartedly.

By wholeheartedly I mean that I want to show up, be seen and live brave. I want to show up with my whole self, as Kara said yesterday, the good and the bad. 

It is only by showing up and letting my good parts and bad parts be seen, that I can live with a whole heart, and also be loved as a whole and complete person.

The past several years I've been intentionally facing some of my fears.

And, you know what? 

The fears that seem like intimidating, giant sumo wrestlers, usually end up being the most scrawny, wimpy, skinny ones in reality. 

They end up being surprisingly easy to take down. 

But, the key is in facing them head on. 

Taking that first step to face the sumo wrestler is by far the most challenging.

Now that the 31 days are over, I want to challenge us to keep daring ourselves. I want to challenge us to live wholeheartedly. To bring our complete and whole selves to all relationships.

To show up, be seen and live brave.

I am planning to dedicate my life to daring greatly. To giving myself permission to do the things that lead me to wholehearted living. In other words...

living with my whole heart.

Thanks again for coming along with me on this journey of Daring to Be. I hope you've found some permission here. I hope you've found some courage.

Blessings to you, friends.

~Anne

What has resonated with you the most in this series? 

What would you like to read more of if you could choose? I'd love to hear in the comments!

This post is the last one of a 31 Day series on the topic Dare to Be and linking up with about 1500 other bloggers on hundreds of topics. Come on over to The Nester to visit!

Dare to know yourself--a guest post {Day 30}

Please enjoy a guest post today from my lovely daughter, Kara. I invited her to be a part of this 31 Day series and she said yes! 

Hi! I’m Kara, Anne’s daughter! Mom asked me if I wanted to write a “guest blog” for her 30 Day series, so I thought I’d give it a try. I’m currently studying Advertising and English, and I love to write.

This summer was an experience that changed my life. 

When I look back on it, it even seems surreal sometimes. I spent 10 weeks in Greenville, South Carolina, interning at a church there and living with a host family. 

This experience was excellent in so many ways, but the most important and lasting lesson I learned was one of self-discovery.

When I say “self-discovery,” I’m not necessarily talking about learning new things about myself, though that did happen. I also mean that I was equipped with language to express things that I always knew about myself but could never articulate.

After taking personality assessments, working on projects, meeting with mentors, and spending a lot of time reflecting, I could understand things about myself that I never had before.

I now understand why I am uncomfortable in some social situations and why I collect things and why I love making lists and so many other things.

To know yourself is a huge gift, and it’s not always easy.

It’s fun to explore your talents and interests, but it’s profoundly un-fun to be confronted with shortcomings and fears. It’s uncomfortable to find out that you’re not good at something, and it can be hard to figure out what to do with that information. 

Discovering everything you can about yourself (good things and bad things) is so important because this knowledge helps you focus on your strengths and work around your weaknesses.

As I have been writing this, I have been chatting with my best friend on Facebook. She and I are similar in many ways: we’re both introverted, introspective, and we spend a lot of time thinking. We often say that we get stuck in our own heads. 

She’s studying to be a music teacher. It’s always struck me how she’s never questioned that that’s what she’s supposed to be. She knows it with every fiber of her being - she is going to teach music to students, and she LOVES IT. Just now, she used the phrase, “It’s what I’ve been programmed for.” I guess when you spend a lot of time in your own head, you get to know yourself pretty well.

I guess I would just encourage you to get to know yourself. 

There are a lot of ways to do this. 

Spend some time thinking about yourself - think about what you like and don’t like, but then try to think about WHY. 

Think about what makes your heart full and your chest swell and your eyes smile.

Talk about yourself with other people. Ask yourself questions. Ask other people questions. Don’t be afraid to discover things - good or bad.

A cheesy Shakespeare quote popped into my head when I was thinking about writing this. 

“To thine own self be true.”

If you want to be true to yourself, you have to know yourself.

Good luck! And God bless!

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I love this. (of course I'm not biased at all!!) It really fits in with this theme I've had going all month. I agree, knowing ourselves brings so much peace and direction to our lives!

I think I'll be talking more with Kara about the processes she used this summer to get to know herself better.

Thank you, Kara, for sharing your heart with us today!

Click on my button to see a list of all 31 Days posts! Thanks so much for visiting today!

How to sit with someone's story {Day 29}

Have you ever been in a conversation where you really felt heard? Where the other person validated your feelings? Where they told you, "I understand?"



According to my Daring Way class facilitators, most people will say that they don't feel heard. 

I can relate to this on different occasions.

It's painful.



Today in class we talked about empathy. The facilitators said this was probably the most important session so far. (we've had six).

I found out this morning that empathy is a learned skill and it takes lots of practice. I didn't really realize that it is learned. And, it gives me hope that with practice I can get better at empathy.

They look like empathetic friends, don't they?

When someone is sharing their story (of struggle or pain), I need to try to set aside my "stuff" to really hear their story.

It will probably be difficult, but I need to practice NOT attaching values to what I hear them say.

For someone like me, who has strong convictions, this is a very important piece I came away with. A great reminder. I'm learning!

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Empathy is putting myself in the other person's moccasins (or slippers, or boots).  To try to feel what they might be feeling. To ask them more questions to find out what their experience is like.

We can ask clarifying questions to get to the bottom of their emotion. 

We might think they are sad, but when we ask, are you sad? they might say,

heck no, I'm pissed off!

Or, we can say, Can you tell me what your experience is?

They will know they are heard when we really understand how they are feeling. 

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We will mess up being empathetic with people we love and care about, because we aren't perfect. 

But, the great news is, we can circle around and try again. There is always room for a "do-over" in showing someone empathy.


If you are reading this and you say, Dang, I think I blew it today. I blew the chance to show empathy. Never fear. You can go to that person and say,

I'd like to circle back, because I wasn't with you on that when you shared with me. Can you share it again?

They will love you for that. They will feel extremely heard. 

It will take courage to circle back up with them, but it will be worth it.

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I feel so blessed that I now have this tool in my relational tool box and let me tell you, I put it into practice already today. HUGE, I'm telling you. HUGE.


May you be blessed with these thoughts on showing empathy, too.

May we be able and willing to show those we love, that they are heard.

~Anne

*These thoughts today were inspired from The Daring Way class based on Brene Brown's book Daring Greatly.

Click on my button to see a list of all 31 Days posts! Thanks so much for stopping by!

Dare to Be: Shame resilient {Day 28}

I admit it. In the matter of a couple of months, I've become an all-out Brene Brown fan girl. If you've been following along on the 31 Day journey, you already know about me reading her book Daring Greatly.

I am now reading The Gifts of Imperfection. I'm learning things in a workshop and an online Life Class. 

art journal

She said in the online class that she wears jeans all the time because she needs a pocket to carry around her permissions slips in! I love her!


I have been brought to tears by her writings more than once. I think it's because I feel validated. Her research and her writings are validating things that I've been feeling about myself for YEARS. (if I could, I would hug her for this.)

Her research in shame resilience is normalizing shame for me.

What is shame, you ask?


She defines shame as this:

Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.

 ~Brene Brown

What does shame feel like, you ask?

Shame is that warm feeling that washes over us, making us feel small, flawed, and never good enough. ~B.B.

I am realizing that in several areas in my life I've felt shame. For a long time. And, I'm also realizing that I've felt shame about my shame!! What a mess!

art journal page for online class

I am learning some key things about shame that are changing me and how I think about myself and others in my life profoundly.

1. shame thrives in secrecy and silence

2. shame is universal (everyone feels it)

3. judgement exagerates it (our own and others')

I am learning to be more shame resilient, which means that I'm learning to be courageous in sharing my difficulties with at least one trusted family member or friend. That basically, (in Brene's words) brings shame to its knees.

I'm learning to accept myself and believe that I am worthy of love and belonging even though I am not perfect.

How about you? Do you have someone you can talk to when you feel that warm feeling of shame rising up in you? I hope so. 

Do you accept yourself with all of your imperfections?

Click on my button to see a list of all 31 Days posts. Thanks for visiting today!

This post is part of a 31 Day series on the topic Dare to Be and linking up with about 1500 other bloggers on hundreds of topics. Come on over to The Nester to visit!

Dare to Be: Celebrate You {Day 27}

Ever since I can remember, my parents always bragged about me for two things. There were probably more things, but what they were terribly proud of me for was this.

1. I  could say my ABC's

2. I could recite the Pledge of Allegiance

And, I could apparently do both of these when I was two.

I have to say that is pretty impressive, but I can't remember that. 

me, age 2

Click on this link to come on over to my companion blog-----------> Live the Silver Lining for the rest of this post today!

Dare to Be: Present with family {Day 26}

She told him, "Dad, it's okay to rest. You've worked hard in this life. You can rest."

She knew. We all knew that Henry's eighty-three years had been lived to their fullest measure. The hands that lay limp on bed sheets were once strong and hardly ever resting. 

Nine days had slipped their way through time between the dreaded call that he fell to when the angels took him home. 

During these nine days, there were many glimpses beyond the velum-like divide between earth and heaven. I saw this in laughter and in tears. I saw this while cooking pasta with two nieces to feed an army of family.

I heard this in hymns sung by the hospice bedside and scripture read to closed eyes and shallow breaths. I saw it in good-byes cried by grand-daughters who knew that they wouldn't see their grandpa again in his time on earth. 

Glimpses of the Divine were everywhere in the ICU and hospice where pieces and parts of a twenty six member family camped out for nine whole days. Sadness. Of course. Hope and joy. Without a doubt. 

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The snow is coming down gently around us as if on white pillows as we huddle together in the small unheated Veterans cemetery chapel. My two twenty-something sons and their dad joined hands with a couple of cousins and an uncle or two to accompany their grandfather's flag draped casket into it's prominent place in front. 

My mother-in-law, pulling her black coat around her cold shoulders is motioned to the red capped chair front and center. Her sons and daughters of two generations file in beside and behind her and sit down on cold plastic folding chairs. 

My pastor sister-in-law takes her place behind the wooden podium up front to lead us in the committal of her father to the ground.

I don't recall all the tear stained words she says on Tuesday morning. But, I think again and again how good and appropriate that this good man's daughter be saying these final words to honor him. 

As a family, we drew close and hugged a little tighter.

Brothers and sisters by blood and by Christ were drawn together during this time of grief in ways that had never been before to comfort, make life altering decisions and use their gifts to give to this special dad and grandpa and to each other. 

How can I say that this was the worst of times, but also the best of times? 



Have you lost someone special to you? Have you experienced the pain of loss, but also the love of God in the midst of your loss? I'd love to hear your story.

Click on my button to see a list of all 31 Days posts. Thanks for stopping by to visit!

This post is part of a 31 Day series on the topic Dare to Be and linking up with about 1500 other bloggers on hundreds of topics. Come on over to The Nester to visit!