How to handle bad news

There's no doubt about it, it stinks to get bad news. Whether your child got a low grade on a paper, or the ink ran out of your pen, or you got a diagnosis you weren't expecting, bad news is disappointing at the very least.

What do you do with disappointment? It's inevitable, and I've found that the quicker I am to accept the disappointment and acknowledge it, the better off I am. 

Acknowledging negative feelings and sharing them either on paper, or better yet, with a trusted person, helps those negative feelings to shrink. It helps to gain perspective.

I've gone through many disappointments in life.

Little ones and big ones. 

Some take longer to process.

Some need a friend to help you.

Some just take minor attitude adjustments and then you're on your way.

Where do you find yourself? What do you do when you face disappointment of any kind?

Find healthy ways to express your disappointment. 

1. Stop. take a perspective check and breathe.

2. Listen to your inner wisdom, your intuition, and breathe.

3. Take action. 

Even one small step can make a huge difference in your attitude and in your day.

What one thing can you do today to face your disappointment head on, and walk yourself through it?

Blessings to you, friend!

Anne

Linking up today with other writers for Five Minute Friday. All the details are over at katemotaung.com. Come on over and see what others are writing on the prompt "news".

what I'm doing with imperfection

This is me. With the thirty or so pounds I wanted to lose before going on a big European vacation. Instead, they're coming with me.

With the uncertainty about how I'll sleep, or get on with being gluten free in Germany, Denmark, France and England.

Yep, this is me. 

I have only one choice here with this disappointment that I didn't meet the goal that I wanted to. 

One choice in being gluten free in Europe.

My one choice is acceptance.

Acceptance of my imperfection. And, thankful for the gifts of imperfection, really. 

Because it makes me more aware that just because I'm going to Germany and Denmark on a business trip with my husband, and then ending up in England to see my daughter (after six months of her being there on a Gap Year project), this trip will not be perfect, because nothing in life is perfect! 

So, I have my imperfect self to thank for reminding me of this. 
For reminding me to accept myself in all of my imperfection. (no bikini body here. No going into any restaurant I want and ordering anything I want.)

Instead, learning the word for "gluten free" in three foreign languages and being ready with it on a piece of paper (or my cell phone) to hold up when we go out for dinner. My dear husband's suggestion. 

Oh, so romantic! Dinner at a sidewalk cafe in Paris, and I get out my little piece of paper with the French word for "gluten free" on it. 

It is what it is. 

And, I choose to accept it, because I choose to accept ME. 

So, here's to a three week European vacation with my sweetheart including joining up with two of our grown kids. 

Here's to me loving myself in all of my imperfections and enjoying each and every moment this holiday has to offer me.

Here's to staring at the Eiffel Tower all lit up at night. Here's to holding my husband's hand as we go for a walk in Denmark. Here's to us driving to Wartburg Castle in Germany and laughing in the car because we can't read road signs.

Here's to having that little piece of paper and my courage and acceptance ready at all times. 

Here's to me. Here's to us.

Here's to all blessings that will unfold in each moment. 



Thanks for stopping by today, friends!!

Blessings, 

Anne

Linking up today with others at Coffee For Your Heart.

when the tears aren't invited

That time when you're in a new smallish group from church. You've never met any of these gals before, and you suddenly and irrevocably break down in tears, apologizing through them, trying to gain control of these emotions that have clearly over exceeded their limits.

That was me last night. The first meeting in a small group at church. My husband and I signed up to help "teach" English to non-native English speakers. An ESL type of class. 

Last night the men went next door to work on resumes for a couple of the guys.

The gals, another native English speaker and I, and a woman from Iran and one from Iraq, both could communicate a little in English. I wouldn't say well. That is why we were there.

Thankfully, Patty, was a teacher for 20 some years and came prepared with a sheet of questions we could go thru.

And, right in the middle of that, my tears came. They broke the limits of what I think is socially appropriate. They fell anyway, and I had to explain to those surprised eyes looking back at me.

 Swedish cousins Jan Gunner, Angelica and Ing-Marie 

I told them my dad came to America when he was 16 and knew no English. He had to be taught just like this. I told them I have Swedish family that recently came to America, and sometimes we struggled through words just like we were doing.

It just hit me. It really touched me to be sitting there helping this woman from Iraq and this woman from Iran say, "My name is ______. My address is_____.

It made me think of Dad. The tears would not stay inside. They just wouldn't.
And, these lovely women understood.

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Thanks for stopping by today, friend!

I hope you are blessed!

Anne

Linking up today with other lovely writers at Kate Motaung's place for 5 minutes of writing just for the fun of it. No edits, no worries. Head on over to read what others have written on the prompt, "limit".

when you don't know where the muse went

Today is one of those days, in fact, it's been a few months now since I've written a five minute friday post. I barely made it to write a "what I learned in 2015" post.

I'm not sure what it is that has me so not focused. I think it's more than one "it". It's many little life things that get in the way of writing. 

Oh, they don't get in the way of wanting to write, but busyness chases the writing muse away. 

Busyness clamors for attention and usually gets it.
Some art has been competition, too. I love that. I would have thought doing art would lead to more writing. Maybe it will in the long term, but for the short term, no.

I decided today that I couldn't wait for the writing muse to show up. I decided I'd just get my duff out of my chair, stand in front of the blank screen to see what would show up. 

I decided to show up in spite of my muse seemingly on vacation.

Is that how you find yourself? in this busy life?

That the muse might be on vacation, or leading you down a path of no creativity. (or you might THINK you are not creative).

But the only way to cure the emptiness of muse, is to create art/write anyway. 

I am beginning to learn (takes me awhile) that it is in the doing, the showing up that the muse shows herself. Finally.

I'm going to keep showing up.
I'm going to keep showing up.
I'm going to keep showing up.

Hello muse.

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Thanks for stopping by today, friend!  It's been awhile and I want to show up more often this year!

I'm linking up with a flash mob of writers over at katemotaung.com for Five Minute Friday. Head on over there to check out the particulars and join in the fun. Today's prompt is the word FOCUS.  

life lessons learned in 2015

I've felt some guilt over stopping my 31 Day Series (of Soul Spas) right smack in the middle back in October. But, when I stop to think about it, I did what I needed to do to take care of my own soul. (How ironic.)  I had guests (my cousins!) that visited from Sweden in the Fall and I needed the time to concentrate fully on them! And, oh, what a joy and a delight their visit was!

Then, one thing led to another and well, it's just harder to return to writing the longer I stay away.

So, I welcome myself back to blogging today!! Hi, me! And, I give myself permission to begin again. 



Today I'm linking up with Emily Freeman for her What I Learned link up that she usually has at the end of each month, but this time it is What I Learned in 2015 since we are at the end of one year and beginning of the next. 

I've found my mind wandering more to the future and things that I want to be or do in 2016. I see this as a good thing. Saving for a future post.

But, sometimes we're so in a hurry for the next thing that we don't take time to ponder where we've been. Here's a look back at some huge and not so huge lessons I learned in 2015.

Door County Wisconsin at sunset

1. live without regrets. 

My husband asked me on New Years Eve if I had any regrets over the past year. And, without really taking time to think about it I said, "No, I don't." 

Wow. This quick answer surprised me a little. Don't we all have regrets? Oh yes, we do. But, when I think about the past year, I can honestly say I did my best in many ways.....with my self care, relationships, boundaries, general health, marriage, parenting (adults). 

What a blessing it was to say that I had no regrets about 2015. That is the grace of God.



2.  dare greatly. 

By now, if you've read my blog for very long, you might know that I'm a huge fan of Dr. Brene Brown's work on shame resilience and vulnerability and being brave.

In April I went to NYC to meet a group of seven gals that I met online through the Brene Brown e-course, The Gifts of Imperfection. 

It was a risk! I was afraid to fly alone. I'd never flown somewhere totally alone. I'd never hailed a taxi. But, I did these things and it was huge. These women mean so much to me, each one with her unique personality and gifts. 
What a blessing that trip was in so many ways. I dared greatly!



3.  release.

Sometime last early spring, our 22 year old daughter, who had a part-time advertising job and was living with us, declared to us that she wanted to go to England for one year. Gulp! 

She has always had a soft spot for England. Probably spurred on by Dr. Who and Harry Potter. Thanks a lot, guys!!  So, she found a Gap Year program through UKUSA and Youth for Christ, where she'd go and live with a host family for a year. She had to raise the funds. She had to get a passport and a volunteer visa. She did. all. the. steps. and she left August 28th. 

I had a few months to get prepared for this idea. But, at first, honestly, I didn't think it would really happen. Really? But, it did, and it is. She's been there for four months now. She's learned all kinds of English words for things like "dust bin" instead of "trash can". She's met some very kind and loving folks and she's gotten to minister to youth at the church she's assigned to. She's also a TA in two different schools and works in a variety of classrooms. 

God is giving me the grace to release this girl, my youngest, into her calling. And, she's brave. And she loves Jesus. And, she's sharing her gifts. This mom couldn't be more proud.

Right after Thanksgiving our son, who lived with us for awhile after graduating from college to save money, moved out into his own apartment. Another opportunity to release. 

I released him to college. Now, I release him into his new life in his own studio right in the middle of downtown. 

Release is a good word.



4.  patience with self.

A year ago and more, I was all 'gung ho' about downsizing to a much smaller house. You know, simplifying. I was looking forward to an older home with gleaming wood floors, fresh gray on the walls, white trim. A lovely, park-like yard. 

For several years I'd been hungering for "new". New to me that is. 

But, I discovered so much mental and emotional blocks during the aftermath of the move and really for the whole year. 

Not as many walls to hang my things. My wall things didn't seem to go in this house. I felt like my creative confidence in making this house a home had gotten left in the last house (that I was more than ready to leave). 

I couldn't understand this and for months silently chastised myself for not getting curtains made (some still aren't) and for not hanging things on the walls. 

But, sometime in the Fall, I decided that my soul needed to do some work somehow before these things could easily fall into place in this new space. 

I've given myself permission to go at a slow and steady pace and it's made all the difference.



5.  art, imperfection, curiosity and permission.

Last March I took a three part acrylic painting class at my church. I invited my mom to take it with me. 

I remember the first night. The instructor said, "just do whatever." Are you kidding me!!? Do you know how intimidating and terrifying it is to look at a blank canvas having never done any "real" painting and being told "just start". 

It was a little maddening, and when I look at the pic on my phone of my first brave try at mixing some colors, it's a literal mess. 

Then, I took a Kelly Rae Roberts online class on mixed media painting. I wrote about this in an earlier post, but the first time she wanted us to paint with our hands I got emotional. It's like I had to give myself permission to make a mess with paint! 

I can't begin to tell you the lessons I've gained from beginning to paint regularly. Imperfection is encouraged, not shunned, stay curious, give yourself lots of permission. These are huge lessons both on and off the canvas!



6. birds and wildlife bring joy.

Right outside the window where I sit and drink tea each morning are three bird feeders and a bird bath. Sitting in silence watching the birds come to eat and bathe is a ritual for me. 

Watching them brings joy and a smile to my face. Their freedom and trust encourage me. I'm so glad I take the time to sit in silence and see who'll stop by on any given morning.

I even enjoy the squirrels who try to steal the birdseed and the occasional stealth deer at night that comes by for a snack.



7.  seasons.

I've been reminded in 2015 that things, events and people may be for a season. When the season is over, I need to proceed without judgement or regret into the next one, letting the curtain drop behind me as I go. It's only in letting go that I can take hold of what's next.


Blessings to you, friends, in this brand new year!

Love,

Anne

{Day 13}: journaling 101

I was eighteen when I started my first journal. Oh, I had written down other things before that, like starting two or three diaries and never finishing them.

Remember those, with the lock and key on them? Nope. Never could stick with those. 

Instead, I began journaling in earnest in my eighteenth year after going through a deep heartbreak.

I bought a 5 x 7 three ring binder. I found some blue quilted fabric with flowers on it in my mom's sewing stash, and some white eyelet trim. I covered that three ring binder by laying it out on the fabric and cutting carefully around it to make it fit just right. I sewed the eyelet lace and fabric around the binder by hand. 

My first journal. 

I made it mainly for writing my prayers and thoughts down. I wasn't told I "should" do this (then, I likely wouldn't have done it!), or that it would deepen my relationship with God or improve my mental health if I kept a journal. This was something that a little voice inside of me said would be a good idea. I've never looked back. 

Writing down prayers and thoughts has been a life-line for my soul. It's truly been a soul spa that I've turned to on a mostly daily basis to clear the soul clutter, pray or just sort out my feelings.

Often, just sitting down with pen and journal and writing out my emotions on a particular issue, the answer will somehow make itself known to me as I'm writing.  

It's like writing down my thoughts and feelings is the key that unlocks answers to my questions.  Often it is a great catalyst to problem solving.

Writing down my prayers helps me stay focused. It also provides a record of prayers, questions, and problems I needed answers to. I've been able to go back days, months, even years later and see how those things have been answered. And, thankfully, I've been able to see how I've grown and changed over the years as I've learned a few things. :)

Maybe you're saying to yourself, "I just can't journal. I've tried. It's not for me." Maybe, you're right. Maybe this isn't for you. 

What about writing down three things a day that you're grateful for? Even that is a spa for your soul as you take a few moments to focus on the good.

Thanks for joining me today, friends!

~Anne

Today is Day 13 of 31 Days of Soul Spas. I'm so glad you've joined me, or even if you're just popping in to see what this is all about, Welcome! You can head over to my first post in this series to get a list of all Soul Spa posts!

Writing for the month of October with a tribe of writers. We all picked our own topic and they can all be found over at write31days.com.

{Day 12}: faith for your soul

It would be a huge mistake for me to go through all month of Soul Spa posts and not tell you about the Best Soul Spa I've ever had, and it's been a life-long journey.

It began in second grade when I went with a friend to a girls Bible club. I was visiting that day, and the leaders explained to my group about God's love for us and how Jesus died on the cross for our sins and shortcomings. Even at the young age of 8 years old, I knew about Jesus because my parents had taken me to church since I was a little girl.

But, I'd never made my belief in Jesus a personal one. Somehow, I knew I needed to. I needed to receive Jesus' love for myself and tell Him I agreed with Him about the bad things I'd done or thought. (I'm sure the time I had "borrowed" my cousin's Barbie's outfit came to mind.)

That day in 2nd grade, I asked Jesus to come into my life, (my soul) and stay. I told Him I believed in His death on the cross for me. And, I also believed that He had risen from the dead (in real life) about two thousand years ago.

Life didn't magically become perfect for me. Following Jesus doesn't guarantee a perfect life, but it does guarantee He'll always be with us. Always.

I still experienced heartache and wounds. I knew in my heart I was never alone, though. That Jesus was always with me.

I can't even tell you how many times I've gone through a low spot, or even a storm in my life, where God has been with me, strengthening me and giving me grace to get through it. He's restored my broken heart countless times and helped me to forgive time and time again.

God restores my soul.
He satisfies my spiritual thirst and hunger with His love.

His promises are true and trustworthy.
He's proved it in my life over and over again.

Tomorrow, I'll share a way that I deepened my relationship with God when I was eighteen. And, I've never looked back.



Do you have a personal relationship with God? Would you like to?
Have you felt the restoration of soul that the scriptures in this post talk about?

I'd love to hear your story in the comments, or if you have any questions about this step of faith, please ask in the comments or write your email in the comments and I will help in any way I can.

Blessings and love to you, friends,

~Anne

Thanks for joining me for 31 Days of Soul Spas! Today is Day 12! Please go here to see a list of all the posts this month so far! 

This post is part of #write31days for the whole month of October. Check out write31days.com if you are interested to learn more!