Dare to Be: Present {Days 24-25}

How do you talk to someone whose eyes are closed tight? Someone who is not moving except for labored breathing and they may die at any minute? How do you talk to someone who will not give any indication that they heard what you said?

For the next few days in hospice, I knew my calling. My calling was to be present. 

To be present to my father-in-law during his last days on earth, whatever that would look like. 

Every chance I got, I touched his shoulder. I smoothed his hair. I held his hand. I counted it all a privilege that I will never forget.

His hands had driven a semi across many miles during his lifetime. When we had lived in a different state, his hands worked hard at doing whatever we needed done when they visited. His hands broke bread in church, and served in any which way that was needed. Now, his hand could not grasp mine.

I counted it a privilege to hold his hand in these moments. He was not aware of me being there. 

Or was he? 

They say that even if a person is not responsive, the last of the senses to go is hearing. And touch.

One by one, his children found a time to say their good byes. My husband said them to his dad with a few others in the room. One son wanted to say his alone.

I wanted to figure out a way to just say them.

He had been my father-in-law for 29 years. I wanted to tell him thank you for being such a wonderful father-in-law. I wanted to be able to thank him for welcoming me into the family. A girl not from Iowa, but from Nebraska. Someone not from their son's group of friends. A "foreigner". 

The room finally emptied of people. The chair was open next to his bed on the day before he died. I sat down. I held his hand. It was puffy and kind of red, except for the blue that was beginning to form on his fingernails. This was a sign there wasn't much time left. 

I held his hand gently, sitting next to him. And, I thanked him for all those things as if he was looking right at me. I told him through tears. I was present.

I am grateful for that chance. 

Being present is something I am daring myself to keep doing. Even when it might seem awkward or uncomfortable.

Being fully present brought indescribable blessing.

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This post is part of a 31 Day series on the topic Dare to Be and linking up with about 1500 other bloggers on hundreds of topics. Come on over to The Nester to visit!

Dare to Be: Brave Part 2 {Day 23}

News flash. 

Today, I did not want to go to the gym. 

My flesh is so weak! I wanted to just cozy up under an afghan and drink tea this afternoon!!

On Day 12 I told you about our trial at the gym, with our oldest son as our trainer. It's been going pretty well, in that my husband and I are still going. Our two week trial is up tomorrow. 

So, the proof will be in the pudding. Tomorrow.

And, I felt really frumpy today at the gym. It is really hard for me to stand in front of a mirror. Much less to stand in front of a mirror lifting weights at the gym. 

I am in loose fitting pants and a sweatshirt, because, it hides more. Nothing I'm wearing really matches. I am not put together. I look around and I feel, just frumpy.

even though I put my belt on yesterday morning and it just hung there....good sign something is happening!

So uncomfortable and honestly, I'm not sure I would go right now if my husband had not agreed to do this with me. 

But, I did the weight lifting anyway. 


I'm not sure about you, but being brave to me doesn't just look like going to a gym when I am out of shape, and lifting weights in the weight room with Arnold's 
and very fit women all around me.


Being brave looks like going back. And back. And then back again.

It will take bravery to keep going and facing that mirror and really facing my own negative body image. Something I really need work on.

As we were walking out of the gym today, my husband says, I don't know about all this. Is it really doing any good?

I say to him.

You are investing in your future self.

Yes, I really do believe that.

I'm going to keep choosing to be brave.

~Anne

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Dare to Be: Creageous {Day 22}

This post is part of a 31 Day series on the topic Dare to Be and linking up with about 1500 other bloggers on hundreds of topics. Come on over to The Nester to visit!


There's no such thing as creative or non-creative people. But people who use or don't use their creativity.

~Brene Brown

No, you didn't read that blog title wrong. I made up a new word. Today.

Creageous=creative + courageous

The Brene Brown online Lifeclass I started yesterday has me putting on my artistic hat. (the one that I have been reluctant to admit I have.)

I have also been asked to do some pretty courageous things in The Daring Way class I'm in.

I think it's all warping my brain. In a good way.

*****************************************************************


Flash forward to today. I call my husband to see how his day is going. After he tells me that his day is challenging, I tell him

"You are creageous." (pronounced cree-a-geous)

an assignment for the Brene Brown Life class

He laughed. I laughed.

That is not a word.

Or, is it?

I say, "Uh, I meant to say courageous, but I think I just coined a new word combining creative and courageous."


I've never made up a word before. But, I kind of like this one.

It was a verbal blunder, but I think I'm on to something. 

I think we were all born to be creative in the way that we live.

We were all born to be courageous.

So, why not call it, creageous??!

Here's to you, an artist, living and making art in your little corner of the kitchen, workplace, concert hall or laundry room.

Here's to being creageous!. 

Do you see yourself as creative and courageous? I know you are! I'd love to hear about it in the comments!

~Anne

P.S. I am showing a picture which is part of the pledge I took in my online class today. I am imperfect and I am enough.

P.P.S It was courageous for me to take my own photo. I'm not a fan of having my picture taken, even by my own self!

P.P.P.S. My fingers aren't really crooked!

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Dare to give yourself permission {Day 21}

This post is part of a 31 Day series on the topic Dare to Be and linking up with about 1500 other bloggers on hundreds of topics. Come on over to The Nester to check that out!


I just started an online Oprah/Brene Brown Life class today. It's based on Brene's book: The Gifts of Imperfection, which I just started reading last night. Turns out she wrote this book back in 2010. 

How did I not know this?

In this book she talks about love, belonging and authenticity. She talks about courage, compassion and connection. And, that's just scratching the surface.

Remember on the first day of my series I said that I sat down and made myself a permission slip and I ended up with sixty five things on it that I need and want to give myself permission for? 

Well, it turns out that the first creative assignment for this online class is to make a permission slip page in our art journal.

I did that today. 

I thought I'd share it with you.

My Permission Slip

The point is not to be perfect. (see my mistake?)
To be messy.
To have fun.
To be authentic.
To not compare.

See all those permissions I've written down? All the things I need to give myself permission for? I've written in this 31 Days series about some of them

I cried through the first half of the how-to video this morning. Mostly because she is speaking my language! She is putting to words what my heart has been after for the past thirteen years and more specifically the last three to six years. 

I want to live more Wholeheartedly. 

To let go of what people think and instead to live more authentically. To live more like Anne and less like the shoulds and the oughts that roll around in my head and take up too much room in my heart. 

It is hard to break out of the comparison trap. It's hard to break free from perfectionism.

But, I'm up for the task.

Brene Brown and Oprah, bring it on!!

I challenge you today, to make a permission slip for yourself. Give yourself permission for those things you've been unknowingly withholding from yourself. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

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Dare to Be: Five ways to make peace in your relationships {Day 20}

How do you make peace with someone who's wronged you or offended you?

I mentioned in this post to limit the time spent with people who are toxic to you. 

But, what if you have decided to limit your time with that person, or maybe you've moved on from them (such as a co-worker from a previous job). Maybe you've moved on physically, but mentally and emotionally they are still taking up residence in your mind and soul.

What do you do with that residue of hurt that's left over even after the I'm sorrys are said?

Sometimes there is residue left, like coffee grounds in the bottom of your cup.

It's important to be able to get rid of that residue, or in other words, to let go of the hurt and pain. 

To forgive.

Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die. 

Although there are not easy answers as to how to get rid of the hurt for good, there are some things I've learned in order to make peace in my heart. To rid myself of the reside of emotional pain, bitterness or anger. (yes, it's okay for us to say we get angry.)

Following are five ways I've found to be extremely helpful in making peace in relationships.


!. Ask God for help. 

Ask Him for his wisdom and strength to forgive and let go. Most times this is the only way I've been able to even begin the process of making peace. 

If any of you need wisdom, ask God for it. He will give it to you. God gives freely to everyone. He doesn’t find fault. 

James 1:5

2.  Pray for God to bless that person.

Even if you don't consider yourself a believer in God, wishing someone well in your heart doesn't leave much room for wishing them ill. This is not easy if you are still angry and hurt. But, seeing this as an intention really does help.


3. Send a card to the person who hurt you.

I once had a co-worker relationship that was very difficult for me. I ended up quitting the job because of it. But, even after I left, my soul was still holding on to the anger. Sending a card to this person seemed to release the grip of my hurt feelings a lot more. 


4. Give them a gift. 

I know this sounds outrageous. Because it is. It doesn't have to be a large gift, and you probably won't feel like doing it. But, I truly believe the power of the hurt is broken just that much more when we give a gift to someone who hurt us. It can even be anonymous and still work wonders for your own heart.


5. Write a good-by letter.

This is an unedited letter that you write to them, but for your own benefit only. You do NOT send this to them or give it to the one who's offended you. Just write down 
Dear _______________,

And then write all of your hurt feelings down. To them. Anything goes in this. This is solely to drain the negative energy or emotion from your body, soul and spirit. If you choose to, you can tear it up afterwards, or burn it as a sign of letting go.

Lots of times when we make the decision to forgive or make peace the feelings have to catch up. 

Letting go of hurt is a process. 

And, it will be a different process for each person and each situation. 

Just know, that if the feelings to forgive don't show up right away, it's okay. 

How about you? Do you find it hard to let go of hurts? To forgive? I'd love to hear what has helped you in the comments.

~Anne

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Dare to Be: An artist and to make art {Day 19}

Do you consider yourself an artist?

I never once considered myself an artist.

The Master Artist at work

Until recently, when I saw this quote and the book it comes out of.

"You were born to make art. You were made to live art. You might not see yourself as an artist, but you are--in so many unexpected ways. In what you create, whether poetry or pie, sculpture or sand castle, calligraphy or conversation. It's time to uncover the shape of your soul, turn down the voice of the inner critic, and move into the world with the courage to be who you most deeply are."

Emily Freeman, Author of A Million Little Ways

I need these words. Just these words from the back cover of her book breathe fresh wind into my sails.

I was born to make art. I was made to live art. I was born to be an artist at whatever I do in life.

I'm not sure if I'm feeling permission or validation, but her words make me feel something new about me, and what I create.

"The world needs you awake and alive...the world does need you to come alive right where you are and not where you wish you were. If writing books or songs or painting living rooms is what makes you come alive, then that's what you'll need to do."~ Emily Freeman

I think I'll go paint my living room.

~Anne

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Dare to Create Space for Yourself {Day 18}

I  really thought we were going to move. I thought we'd be out of our current house long before now. Last year was spent sorting, cleaning, getting rid of bunches of stuff on Craig's List, at Goodwill and just throwing stuff out. 

I had us moved, so I haven't been at all interested in decorating this house lately. 

I love to pick out paint colors, rearrange furniture, hang things on the walls in pleasing displays. I have a mixture of decorating styles, but mostly my decor has been "early attic", meaning I had lots of things and furniture handed down to me.

I could call it:

Country farmhouse
Vintage
Romantic 
Pottery Barn wannabe
{these are not professional terms :)}

I love junking. Antiquing, too, but the prices are much higher than junking. :)

I've pulled wreaths out of dumpsters, and chairs off the curb. I like to re-purpose. I would say I am artistic and crafty.

But, after thirteen years in the same home, I've gotten pretty tired of looking at the same walls.


The last week or two though I've been thinking, I'm here, so why not make the best of it for now? Why not create a space for me out of some unused space in our house?

My mind went to our periwinkle guest bedroom that never has any guests.

I've thought more seriously about turning it into a prayer/DIY/writing/creating space for just myself. I love that idea. 

Here are the before pics of my guest bedroom:

I think I was in a "I want this to be a shabby chic bedroom with all white furniture, so periwinkle will look great on the walls" faze.

So much for that.

Now, I badly want neutral. Something similar in style to The Nester and City Farmhouse. I love their decorating styles. Lighter, brighter, neutral.

My next step is to create a Pinterest Board called something like My Creative Space and start pinning away.

I am getting kind of excited about this.

Periwinkle will become a light tan or a barely there blue. Periwinkle will be no more.

Next will be searching the house (or Craig's List or Goodwill) for furniture that will promote rest, relaxation and creativity. For me.

Even if it is just a corner of a room, having a space we can call our own even if just for thinking is a great idea. Do you agree?

~Anne

P.S. I'll keep you posted on the progress of my creative space-to-be.
P.P.S. If you have any ideas for me, I'd love to hear your input!

How about you? Do you have a place where you go to create, write or just meditate? I'd love to hear about it in the comments!

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