Seven keys to an emotionally healthy YOU {Dare to Be: Day 10}

This is an I'm-angsty-about-you-so-there's-probably-something-I-need-to-change post.

Stick with me. The Ready Listener speaks and actually gets a little long winded. :)



On Day 2 of this series I told you about how I was the little girl who always wanted everyone in her world to be happy. Think of this post as going a little deeper. Let's just say.....stuff I've learned.

First of all,there are three bottom line facts to remember when you are dealing with other people in your life:

1. You will always have to deal with other people, unless you are the Count of Monte Cristo and sentenced to life in the remote island prison, D'If. Or you are a self-proclaimed hermit and living in the forest with trees for friends.

2. You can't change other people.

3. You can change yourself.

Usually, our first reaction when someone in our lives starts to bug us is to blame. It's true. Blame shifts the focus off of me and totally on them. Yes, they might be doing things that you totally disagree with or that drive you batty, but you do have some choices.

So, here are seven things to remember when you start to get that angsty, twisty feeling in your gut about that someone in your life. For instance, they aren't doing what you think they should be doing. They are driving you crazy. (never happens, right?) Or, you'd like to run to China and never come back.


1. Do not take on other people's stuff. {see Day 2}

2. Limit or eliminate your contact with people who are toxic to you.

Someone who is toxic to you may not be toxic to me. By toxic, I just mean that they drain your energy from you instead of giving you energy and positive feelings. If this person is connected to you by family or a lifetime relationship, the key word here is "limit", not eliminate. 

3. You are allowed to have your own likes, dislikes and opinions.

This doesn't really need any explanation other than the fact that it's true and some of us pleasers need to be reminded of this often. Better yet, we need to learn to remind ourselves of this on a daily basis. If you have the personality of a pleaser, you may have approval addiction, which severely limits your ability to acknowledge your own self. Who you are and what you truly want.

4. Stay in your power.

A friend once told me, knowledge is power. That has stuck with me like glue and thankfully comes up often to smack me in the face. (gently) What we know, we know. What we don't know, we don't know. So, if you finally realize, hey, I'm upset with so-and-so, but-I-can't-change-them-so-what-can-I-change, then you've just won the most important battle.

5. Realize you do have power.

     Sometimes the key is just to realize that you have it.

6. It's okay to disappoint people.

I'm fifty and still working on this one. I checked a book out of the library recently called Your Spacious Self by Stephanie Vogt. I didn't read the whole thing, but this little chapter really caught my attention. She actually said that we should practice disappointing people! She didn't mean to be intentionally mean or evil. But, it is good, okay and actually positive (especially for perpetual pleasers) to disappoint people by saying that two letter word once in awhile. Think of it as training. I don't mean to sound like this is easy.

7. Learn the two letter word and how to use it. 

No. Again, this is not to be mean, but as I talked about in Day 2, we have to set healthy boundaries around our time, relationships and all kinds of other things like food, media, etc. Henry Cloud does an excellent job explaining boundaries in his book called...Boundaries. If you have not read it and you struggle with these things I would check the library in your neighborhood and give it a read. You are precious, your time is limited. You need to take care of YOU.

Thanks for sticking with me!

I don't pretend that all of this is easy. 

But,this is some of the most emotionally freeing information I've learned in the last thirteen years as I've been on a very intentional journey to become the most emotionally healthy person I can be. I hope it helps you in some way.

Highly recommended reading on this topic:

Boundaries by Henry Cloud
Approval Addiction by Joyce Meyer
Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer
Bold Love by Dan Allender

Do you have thoughts on this topic? I'd love to hear what you've learned about emotional health in the comments!

May you find the freedom, and dare yourself to be emotionally healthy!

Blessings, 

~Anne

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