Layers

yellow feathers collect at the bottom of his cage

it's that season again

a season of shedding the old to make way for the new

i'm like him

the old, outdated parts of me are shedding

they've been peeling away like outdated wallpaper to reveal yet more layers underneath

when will the peeling back of layers be completed?

his molting and growing of new feathers will be complete in a matter of weeks

mine may take weeks, months or even years

a lifetime of time-worn layers peeling off

being scraped away as extra grout

laying at my feet

discarded

how can I ever paste them back to me?

i cannot

nor would I ever want to

those layers of me are in the past

they are no longer me

i will never be the same 

the old me and the new me dance until the day the new me

the new layer is complete

a better place to be

Linking up today with Five Minute Friday. A group of writers who write on a prompt for five minutes straight, with out fancy edits. This week's prompt is "more". 




so many years I stayed attached, tethered
to those around me. loved ones who I mistakenly thought I could change
on a moment's notice.

no.

I cannot.

why did it take this long to realize that all who are alive on this planet are on their own life's journeys, learning their own life lessons and I have nothing to do with it except to be a companion.

a friend, a comrade to come alongside the ones I love, the strangers I meet,

to observe.

not control.  not manipulate. not cajole into doing or being anything

except what their Creator made them to be. 



yes, more detachment means more peace.

better alignment in expectations means I have more peace, too.

this will be a life long journey, I see, to make this adjustment in life long patterns of thinking and being.

I am unhinging from old patterns of relating with myself and others. untethered to fly free in the unknown.

Yes, uncertainty is scary, but hanging on to old patterns of being is stifling and suffocating.

I'm learning and leaning on the One who can help me down new paths.
Learning my own life lessons along the way, but I belong.

I know that now.
I belong here. 
I accept myself right where I am, on the way to where I need to be.

*****************************************

Thanks for stopping by today!

Blessings,

Anne

choose the happy

Linking up with other amazing writers at Kate Motaung's blog today for Five Minute Friday. Five minutes of writing for the fun of it without fancy edits. Today's prompt is happy. 


Sometimes it takes work to find the happy. Life isn't always as you want it to be, nor how you planned it to be.

Is it possible to be happy even though?

Sometimes it takes work to find the happy.

But, sometimes it's in the work, or in the looking for happy that happiness is found.

I find that the older I get, the more intentional I need to be about finding my own brand of happiness.  I mean, the only things I get to choose in line with finding happy are 

my thoughts and my behaviors.

I cannot control those around me and "make" them "make me" more happy.

Can I?

I cannot control them. I can only control me.  I can only control ME and my happiness and my way of being in the world.

What will I choose to fill my mind and my days with?

What will I ruminate on? I can choose. It is my privilege to choose my thoughts.

I can either choose to ruminate on a disagreement I had with someone, and what I could've done differently. 

Or, I can choose thoughts that lift me higher. Choose the happy.


Painting makes me happy.
Smiles and good times with my family make me happy.
Writing makes me happy.
Having a cup of tea makes me happy.
Watching birds outside my window makes me happy.
Thrift shopping with my daughter makes me happy.


I get to choose what to focus on.  Sure, life is not always happy. What happens to me on a daily basis doesn't always make me happy.

So, I have to CHOOSE my happy.

How about you?

Blessings to you, friend,

Anne

Five simple ways to create space for yourself

Linking up today with other writers over at Kate Motaung's blog, Heading Home. We write for five minutes straight. No fancy edits, just writing for the fun of it. Today's prompt is create.


Do you ever feel like life is closing in around you. Like the demands for your time and energy are more than you can manage, and you're getting more and more resentful?



Maybe it's time to take a little "me" time. Time for some self-care. Time to slow down.  Below are five ways you can create more space for yourself. 

1.  recognize your limits.  We all have them. Another word for these are boundaries. We can set a simple boundary for ourselves by saying the simple word "no". Boundaries and limits protect our time, treasure and energy.

2.  be aware of how you're wired.  Are you an introvert, gaining energy by being alone? Or are you an extrovert, gaining energy by being with others? This is a very important piece of data to have about yourself. Know yourself and you'll find out quickly if you should say no to that party or YES, I'M all in!!

3.  Julia Cameron (author) advocates "artist dates" for yourself. I'm advocating a "take time for yourself date". What do you like to do?? Museums? Swimming? Coffee? Walking? Learn to be content doing things alone.

4.  Create. I cannot say enough about this. Create and your heart will be happy. Create and you'll feel free in your soul. I've written many posts about this and I've become a firm believer.

5.  Write yourself a letter from your "highest self". I mean this. It sounds weird, but it's not. It's totally legit. You'll be surprised how your higher self just "knows" something that your emotions have been overriding. I highly encourage this for emotional freedom.

Most of all. Listen to your intuition. Listen to your gut. It's going to be right. It knows what's right for you.

Blessings to you, friend.

Anne

How to handle bad news

There's no doubt about it, it stinks to get bad news. Whether your child got a low grade on a paper, or the ink ran out of your pen, or you got a diagnosis you weren't expecting, bad news is disappointing at the very least.

What do you do with disappointment? It's inevitable, and I've found that the quicker I am to accept the disappointment and acknowledge it, the better off I am. 

Acknowledging negative feelings and sharing them either on paper, or better yet, with a trusted person, helps those negative feelings to shrink. It helps to gain perspective.

I've gone through many disappointments in life.

Little ones and big ones. 

Some take longer to process.

Some need a friend to help you.

Some just take minor attitude adjustments and then you're on your way.

Where do you find yourself? What do you do when you face disappointment of any kind?

Find healthy ways to express your disappointment. 

1. Stop. take a perspective check and breathe.

2. Listen to your inner wisdom, your intuition, and breathe.

3. Take action. 

Even one small step can make a huge difference in your attitude and in your day.

What one thing can you do today to face your disappointment head on, and walk yourself through it?

Blessings to you, friend!

Anne

Linking up today with other writers for Five Minute Friday. All the details are over at katemotaung.com. Come on over and see what others are writing on the prompt "news".

Six important things I learned in June

Linking up with other writers over at Emily Freeman's blog for her "what we learned" link up! Taking time to share big things as well as the ridiculous and mundane. Come on over to see what other writers have learned in the month of June!


1.  The mixed media painting class I'm taking from kellyraeroberts.com is teaching me lots more than just how to paint. Here are a few things I've learned in this online class.

--let go of outcomes
--trust the process
--there are no mistakes, just happy accidents
--perfection isn't needed or welcomed
--be messy and have fun

a painting in midstroke

I've always had a hard time with ALL of these things, and who'd have thought an online painting class would challenge me in these exact areas!? I'm loving every minute of it. I'm learning to let little Anne get messy and have fun! Priceless learning in creativity and art.


2.  Just because you might get a great deal on a nice pair of sandals at the Bass Outlet, doesn't mean you will love them. From the moment I started wearing them, the left one (because of a cushy sole) started making a "whishing" noise with every step I took! I told my daughter and she promptly said, "Oh! You mean they're wheezing?"  

Great, my new sandals wheeze. So embarrassing. Now, the right one wheezes, too, so I guess it's balanced.

3.  My heartstrings are being tugged by a little red house outside the little town of Ljungby, Sweden. Oh, my heart! Read last Friday's post about it here.

4.  Our family has been catching up on all the Season One and Season Two episodes of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. We've gotten angry together, worried about whether Sky was ever going to find her dad and mom, worried who might be dead, etc. 

We only have about four episodes left and then I think I'm going to go through withdrawls until September rolls around for Season Three. People, this is all the TV I watch, except occasionally the news and 60 Minutes!

5.  Inside Out is a movie for every. person. to. watch. I am not kidding. This is not a movie review, this is a plea. Not only is this movie funny and creative, but it will give you and your friends/family a whole new way to talk about your emotions. And, who doesn't need that in today's world? 

6.  When water is pouring into your basement window during a deluge of rain, and you don't own a mop??  Last week, we had a huge amount of rain and right about midnight, water started seeping, then gushing into a basement window. We have since discovered that this thing will likely happen if the gutter closest to the window is plugged with leaves. 

my son and daughter helping to mop

But, at midnight, we didn't think of fixing the gutter. All we could think of was get every towel in the house!! and I was thinking, we don't even have a MOP!! I have a Swiffer, but that isn't going to do anything to sop up leaking rain water! 

So, at 2:30am, my daughter got in the car to brave the roadways to get us a mop. As she went out the door I yelled, get two!
And, we needed every strand on each of those mops to soak up water. 

Lessons learned that night. 1) Make sure your gutters are clean, 2) make sure you have a real mop in your house.

Thanks for stopping by today, friends, to see what I learned in June!
And, Happy 4th of July!

~Anne

Repeat after me.

Today is Five Minute Friday where a tribe of writers take five minutes out of their busy schedules and write about a topic that Kate Motaung chooses for us! No fancy edits. Just writing for five minutes from the heart. Come on over to Kate's place to see how to join in! This week's prompt is "world".

GO.

I’ve been doing a lot of talking to myself lately. You know. The good and the bad. Sometimes the bad wins out and gets me into all kinds of trouble.

Thoughts have energy in the body, did you know that? There have been experiments done on that and thoughts either have negative or positive energy and we get to choose.

That is another amazing thought.

We get to choose our thoughts.

Sometimes it is SO HARD and it seems like something or someone else inside my own head is choosing those negative thoughts for me. But, you know what? It’s my own thoughts that I, myself, are choosing for good or for bad.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how my own mental and emotional health is tied greatly to my physical health. (I think about this almost constantly..) That’s why I’ve written so much on “soul care” and taking “soul spas” for ourselves.

 It’s only when we take the time to think about

 this body, soul, spirit connection 

that we can truly be healthy.

So, I”ve got an exercise for you.

Here goes.

Repeat after me. 

“I am worthy.”

“I carry the divine light of God within me, because I’m created by Him.”

“I can do anything and go anywhere I want to. Only my thoughts limit me.”

“I am loved.”

“I forgive myself for not believing I am worthy and loved.”

“I give myself permission to love and accept myself.”

"I am one of a kind in this world. There is no one else like me. I am unique."

STOP.

Thanks for stopping by today, friend! I pray that you will take the time to do these simple affirmations. It makes a huge difference in our thoughts to say positive, truthful and uplifting words to ourselves.

Blessings to you!

~Anne

A thank-you letter to grief

Kate Motaung, who leads us in the Five Minute Friday link up has written an e-book called Letters to Grief. In order to celebrate that release, she is hosting a link up for us to write a letter to grief ourselves.

"There is something about writing a letter to someone that 

just brings release and satisfaction--which is why I'm

inviting you to write your own letter to grief as well."

--Kate Motaung

Dear Grief,

I never thought I’d be writing you a letter, but it does seem fitting somehow. You have shown yourself off and on during my life and I have to say, even though you’ve been an unwelcome visitor, you have also been a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

You showed up when I was very young. I didn’t know what to call you, then, but looking back I now know it was you. You were there, helping me cope through a very difficult season when I didn’t know how I should feel. 

You. Got. Me. Through it.

I have, unfortunately and fortunately learned a lot about you over the years. I have learned that you can be ignored. For awhile, and on the outside. But, you are never really gone when you've needed to be present in my life. 

My body has told me at the times that you were present, that you are still sticking around long after I thought you had long moved on. You have spoken to me through 

migraine headaches, 

muscle tension, 

anxiety, 

depression 

and a host of other negative emotions that surfaced at inopportune times.

When you showed up, you also did crazy antics in my body, soul and spirit. One minute I’d be doubled over on the floor in gut-twisting sobs, and the next minute I would be laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face.

I learned that this is part of your way in us when you visit. And, it’s okay.

 I am very thankful for you during the times you have shown up. I know that sounds crazy. But, I know you are a gift from God for me to actually mentally, emotionally and physically survive unspeakable hurt and disappointment. 

Even devastation. 

That’s one of the things I learned about you from a very wise counselor. (I’m glad I asked her about you and the symptoms you were causing in me. It made me feel a lot less crazy.)

She said to me, “You are going to move through your grief pretty quickly because you are leaning into it.”  

I had to ask her to explain what leaning into grief meant.

She basically said that it is healthy to have my arms wide open to accept you in all of your forms because if I accept you with open arms, you will come and stay for a season, but like winter always turns to spring, you would eventually move on. 

And, during seasons when you’ve shown your face, that is exactly how you’ve moved.

I could be really angry at you for coming and hanging around at different times in my life, but why would I be angry at YOU? You are just a by-product, a gift to help me to accept and process hurts and disappointments. You are not the cause of them! 

You can be so misunderstood by some!

 

Prince and I

Again, I thank you for coming around during the very difficult times. 

It’s because of you, ultimately, that I have had so much healing emotionally. During a few different seasons of my life, like 

losing my Dad,

losing my horse Prince, 

feeling misunderstood and betrayed by those who were the closest to me, 

and dreams that have been crushed, 

you've been beside me. You've been beside me, coaching me through your stages, and ultimately coaching me to let go and move on. 

Thank you for coming just for a season, doing your thing, and then moving on. If you hung around me forever, how would I move on to happiness and enjoying abundant life? How would I move on to gratitude and having eyes that see beauty?

Sincerely,

Anne

When your soul tells you "It's time to begin."

It was several years ago now. But, in my spirit I sensed these words.

"It's time to begin."

I knew instinctively what it meant. I had been putting up with unwanted, negative, debilitating emotions, and it was taking a toll on my body.

Be it my spirit or the Spirit, the process of deep soul transformation began. I started the journey with an emotional crisis that forced me to cry out for help. 

Panic attacks and depression hit me like a ton of bricks seemingly out of no where. It seemed like my only and best choice was to begin digging to find out the cause.

It turns out, my soul was actually crying out to my spirit for help and healing.

My soul was telling me to stand up and pay attention.

"Listen to me. Something must change.

The old {emotional} ways you've used to cope your whole life are no longer working.

They've never worked, really. But, until now you haven't known any better.

Consider this your wake up call to yourself.

Consider this your call to action.

Your call to change.

The road up ahead is not going to be easy. But, I promise you, that in the end, it will all be worth it.

You will see. 

In the end, you will see.

And, on this journey of transformation, you will not be alone.

I promise."

Thanks for stopping by, friend! I so appreciate you!!

Has your soul ever given you a wake up call? I'd love to hear in the comments. I can so relate. And, I care!

~Anne

Linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart and Three Word Wednesday

Giving up the fight

I'm linking up with other lovely writers at Lisa Jo Baker's blog for Five Minute Friday. We are to write for five minutes straight, no edits. Just pure writing. Today's prompt is fight. Stop by Lisa's blog to see what others are writing!

********************

I’m giving up the fight.

I really am. 

I’m giving up the fight to be perfect. 

To be acceptable to everyone, in fact loved by all. 

I’m giving up on being someone I was never meant to be and doing things that I’m not cut out for.

I’m done fighting all alone the emotions that sometimes threaten to overtake my soul.

I’m done believing the lies the enemy hands out to me on a silver platter and says, 

“Here, have some of this that will make you whole.”

I’m done trying to fight the enemy alone.

I cannot. 

But, I forget. 

I forget that the all powerful one who came to this earth is right beside me. 

He promises to fight my battles. 

So, I’m giving up the fight.

I’m giving up the right to fight.

To fight for peace, calm and stillness.

I want these things, to be sure and I do have a right to them as a child of God.

But, I cannot fight for them alone.

I know that now.

After trying on my own to fight and losing a fighting battle.

He says,

 “Don’t fight. 

Be still. 

Let me fight the battles for you 

while you rest."

**************************

"The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm."

Exodus 14:14

What I learned in December

In honor of the passing of 2013, I've listed thirteen things I learned in December in no particular order. It's always fun linking up with Emily at Chatting at the Sky for this monthly link up! Head on over there to see what other lovely writers have shared! 

 Oh, and Happy New Year!!

Mary, Joseph and the "donkey"

1. For the first time since our now adult children were little, my husband's side of the family acted out the Christmas story. It was complete with donkeys, sheep, angels and wise(wo)men. All the adults and our adult children. Does it look like we had fun doing it? See baby Jesus lying in the manger?

The Christmas Story--Live!

2. Also, my nieces and nephews are acrobats. For the first time, we had a "feats of strength" portion of our Christmas party. It got absolutely crazy!

3. If you ask your husband to write down 10 things he would say to describe who you are, plus 10 things he wants from your marriage, it will be eye opening and a great conversation starter.



4. Sitting in row 4 of a Broadway show is immensely more fun than sitting way in the back! My hubby took me to the show White Christmas and we were so close we could see the microscopic mics that the actors were wearing. We were also so close we got "snow" on us at the end. We decided we'd rather go to fewer productions and have great seats than lots of shows and sit in the nosebleed section. We had so. much. fun!

View from Row 4

5. Just because I talk about having realistic expectations for Christmas doesn't mean I carry that out perfectly. I still had some moments of disappointment that I had to work through. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.



6. I can tend to take on the negative emotions of people I'm close to. This is a problem that was more evident during December because I was around more people. I need to figure out how not to do this any more.



7. I don't care a lot for church cantatas even though I used to be in them. I can't put my finger on exactly why. Most people love them. I'd rather hear a great sermon. 



8. When I see favorite authors of mine and other admired bloggers post the books they are reading I immediately get panicky. I want to read them all too, because I trust their judgement in good books. And, because I love good books. I guess you could call it Book List Envy.



9. If you take sugar free hot cocoa and then pile on mini marshmallows, the calories in the marshmallows and the non calories in the cocoa cancel each other out. Don't ask me how I know. ;)



10. One mini candy cane makes an excellent after dinner mint. I've eaten more candy canes this year than in all of my years combined. 



11. On Christmas Day, our family of 6 plus my mother and mother-in-law did a short story writing activity. Write down five things you see in the room and then take 5-10 minutes and write a story (like a paragraph or two) including those words. So much fun! I saved all the stories, because my family is full of excellent writers! More to come on those in the near future. 

Here are five of the words that were used: ceramic owl, jogger in neon green, flash card, big toe, birdcage. Now, aren't you curious?



12. My twenty year old daughter has kept a folder on her computer listing all of the books she's read since 2005. She had a goal to read 40 books in 2013 and at 11:50 p.m. on New Year's Eve, she was reading the last couple of poems in a book written by C.S. Lewis. She made her goal for the year!

13. Our family attempted to take a selfie on Christmas Day. What I didn't know is that my mother was recording our antics on her iphone. Take a look at our silliness!

Thanks for stopping by and sharing in what I learned in December!
Blessings,

Anne

Seven keys to an emotionally healthy YOU {Dare to Be: Day 10}

This is an I'm-angsty-about-you-so-there's-probably-something-I-need-to-change post.

Stick with me. The Ready Listener speaks and actually gets a little long winded. :)



On Day 2 of this series I told you about how I was the little girl who always wanted everyone in her world to be happy. Think of this post as going a little deeper. Let's just say.....stuff I've learned.

First of all,there are three bottom line facts to remember when you are dealing with other people in your life:

1. You will always have to deal with other people, unless you are the Count of Monte Cristo and sentenced to life in the remote island prison, D'If. Or you are a self-proclaimed hermit and living in the forest with trees for friends.

2. You can't change other people.

3. You can change yourself.

Usually, our first reaction when someone in our lives starts to bug us is to blame. It's true. Blame shifts the focus off of me and totally on them. Yes, they might be doing things that you totally disagree with or that drive you batty, but you do have some choices.

So, here are seven things to remember when you start to get that angsty, twisty feeling in your gut about that someone in your life. For instance, they aren't doing what you think they should be doing. They are driving you crazy. (never happens, right?) Or, you'd like to run to China and never come back.


1. Do not take on other people's stuff. {see Day 2}

2. Limit or eliminate your contact with people who are toxic to you.

Someone who is toxic to you may not be toxic to me. By toxic, I just mean that they drain your energy from you instead of giving you energy and positive feelings. If this person is connected to you by family or a lifetime relationship, the key word here is "limit", not eliminate. 

3. You are allowed to have your own likes, dislikes and opinions.

This doesn't really need any explanation other than the fact that it's true and some of us pleasers need to be reminded of this often. Better yet, we need to learn to remind ourselves of this on a daily basis. If you have the personality of a pleaser, you may have approval addiction, which severely limits your ability to acknowledge your own self. Who you are and what you truly want.

4. Stay in your power.

A friend once told me, knowledge is power. That has stuck with me like glue and thankfully comes up often to smack me in the face. (gently) What we know, we know. What we don't know, we don't know. So, if you finally realize, hey, I'm upset with so-and-so, but-I-can't-change-them-so-what-can-I-change, then you've just won the most important battle.

5. Realize you do have power.

     Sometimes the key is just to realize that you have it.

6. It's okay to disappoint people.

I'm fifty and still working on this one. I checked a book out of the library recently called Your Spacious Self by Stephanie Vogt. I didn't read the whole thing, but this little chapter really caught my attention. She actually said that we should practice disappointing people! She didn't mean to be intentionally mean or evil. But, it is good, okay and actually positive (especially for perpetual pleasers) to disappoint people by saying that two letter word once in awhile. Think of it as training. I don't mean to sound like this is easy.

7. Learn the two letter word and how to use it. 

No. Again, this is not to be mean, but as I talked about in Day 2, we have to set healthy boundaries around our time, relationships and all kinds of other things like food, media, etc. Henry Cloud does an excellent job explaining boundaries in his book called...Boundaries. If you have not read it and you struggle with these things I would check the library in your neighborhood and give it a read. You are precious, your time is limited. You need to take care of YOU.

Thanks for sticking with me!

I don't pretend that all of this is easy. 

But,this is some of the most emotionally freeing information I've learned in the last thirteen years as I've been on a very intentional journey to become the most emotionally healthy person I can be. I hope it helps you in some way.

Highly recommended reading on this topic:

Boundaries by Henry Cloud
Approval Addiction by Joyce Meyer
Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer
Bold Love by Dan Allender

Do you have thoughts on this topic? I'd love to hear what you've learned about emotional health in the comments!

May you find the freedom, and dare yourself to be emotionally healthy!

Blessings, 

~Anne

Click on my button for a list of all 31 Day posts! Thanks for stopping by!