taking the test

The months since June have felt like one test after the other. Tests of character and resolve.

Tests of integrity and living by truth. My truth.

More than ever, there have been tests. seemingly endless. Moments for tea and breathing and living in-between. But, tests.

I've been learning more about myself since June. I'm learning old patterns and unlearning them. 

Learning new patterns of self-care and self-compassion.
Learning new ways to give myself permission.

Permission to be alone.
Permission to heal.
Permission to be myself....

to create
live my own life
beat my own drum


and listen for what's next.

Is there ever a time in life where we know, without certainty what's coming next?

No.

Sometimes we have an idea. We've dreamed a dream. We've made our best laid plans. 



Oh yes, we. do. plan, don't we?



But, in reality, the only thing we know for sure is what is right now. What's right in front of us.

Taking personal tests of bravery, courage, fortitude, steadfastness, creativity, longing, looking, learning and more have been in my recent past.

I'm guessing more of those things are coming right around the corner.

I know I'm up for it, good for it. Gonna show up for it.

How about you? What tests are you facing these days?

Thanks for stopping by!

Blessings to you.

Anne

Linking up with other writers for Five Minute Friday where we write for five minutes straight with no fancy edits. Stop in over at Kate Motaung's blog to see what it's all about! This week's prompt is "test".

What I learned in March

This is going to be the fastest "what I learned" post in the history of my "what I learned in a month" posts. Emily's link up closes in about 20 minutes and I desperately want to join in because, well, I learned a lot in March.



Joining in a bit late for Emily Freeman's "What I Learned" link up at emilypfreeman.com

It's going to be a bulleted list, and who knows, maybe I'll elaborate on some of them in future blog posts.


On March 14th, hubby and I left for Europe and we were gone for 20 days. We traveled to Denmark and Germany for his work, toured a bit in Germany over a weekend, spent a day and a half in Paris, and then went on to England to visit our daughter who's on a Gap Year there doing youth work.



Here are some things I learned on our travels throughout Europe in 20 days.

1.  I have more stamina than I thought.

I didn't prepare near enough in the walking department. I barely squeaked out a mile or so every other day (if that) in preparing for walking to sites. My hubby's iPhone app told us we averaged 7 miles a day of walking and 20 flights of stairs/day on our travels!! What?? I did that??!! (p.s. I could feel it)

2.  I like London better than Paris.  I'll explain more in a future blog post.

3. Paris was still awesome. Arch de Triumph was breathtaking coming up on the escalator from the subway. O.M.G.

And, the Eiffel Tower. I need say no more. Astonishing and beautiful.  Seeing it at night was icing on the cake.

4. Our Paris Hotel was very old and very Parisian. (lol) The gal at the desk said, "we upgraded you to a suite, but it's on the 6th floor and the elevator only goes to the 5th floor. Are you okay with going the extra floor with stairs?"  

Huh? Before I could protest, hubby said sure. He carried our bags. And, the stairs were crooked. Oh, but it was the cutest place.

5.  Europe knows how to do gluten free bread. Oh my gosh. I was in roll and bread heaven. Too bad I couldn't bring any back with me.

6. Seeing my daughter's smile in person after 6 months of just seeing it on video chat was priceless.

7. Our son met us in London on our England visit to see his sister. Seeing our son and daughter interact again was pure bliss.

8. I love Yorkshire tea. Anytime of day. And, I'll take it with milk, or half and half please.

9. First ever double decker bus ride that I can remember (in London). We sat on the top and even at my old age, it was a thrill. 

10.  We traveled in Denmark, Germany and France and England and met friendly people in every place. People that spoke English well, and People that struggled with English. 

Our world got smaller.


Well, this is all I have time for right now, but I feel I could write a book. Maybe Emily could give me tips on how to get started.

"Out of Shape Iowa girl goes to Europe for 20 days and Survives", or some title like that.


Thanks for joining me today.

I have so much more to say. Talk about an inspiring month.

Anne

{Day 9}: Your creative soul {Part 2}

"If we want to make meaning, we need to make art. Cook, write, draw, doodle, paint, scrapbook, take pictures, collage, knit, rebuild an engine, 

sculpt, dance, decorate, act, sing--it doesn't matter. 

As long as we're creating, we're cultivating meaning." 

~Brene Brown

As I talked about yesterday in part 1, when we want to unleash our creative souls, we encounter obstacles. Putting pen to paper or brush to canvas (or any creative work) is like having to push a huge boulder of opposition out of the way first. 

It's like a mental and emotional workout to push that opposition out of the way, so the creative spirit can come to the surface and then come out.

"Creativity, which is the expression of our originality, helps us stay mindful that what we bring to the world is completely original and cannot be compared."

~Brene Brown

My self talk growing up was, "Never make mistakes! That way everyone will be happy with you! You must keep everyone happy all the time!"

Loud gremlins that were allowed their way in my mind, heart and soul for too long!

My soul was whispering that it wanted to create, but was afraid to show itself for fear of getting hurt.

I took a Kelly Rae Roberts online mixed media class (kellyraeroberts.com) that has changed that self talk into something more positive.

Kelly Rae had us do journaling (soul work) before even getting the paints out. I was frustrated at first, because I thought, "why not just get started painting?" But, tears surfaced during the journaling session. I think because the soul work touched someplace deep inside of me that needed attention. That place that had been afraid to show itself.

I needed affirmation and encouragement that I was worthy of this work. I was worthy of learning new things on and off the canvas. I was worthy of peeking inside to see what my heart was whispering. The whispers that were longing to be shared with the world.

During journaling for that class, my inner wisdom spoke up and said,

"Enough!"

"Enough of the gremlins shouting you're not good enough!"

"Enough of comparison being a thief to the joy of creating!"

"Enough!"

I remember the day I started to paint. Kelly Rae had us get paint on our hands and smoosh it around on the canvas haphazardly.

I cried.

I couldn't believe the feeling of freedom and permission I felt as I put my fingers in the paint.

The comparison gremlins quieted. The perfection gremlins were silenced.

Suddenly I felt free to let little Anne, the creative girl inside of me, out to play, to explore, to be curious and to have fun.

Painting has released a playful spirit in me and has given me permission to make mistakes, something I've never allowed myself to do.

Creating with words and paint has made those gremlins crumble.

They're shrinking and being silenced by my intentional creativity.

How about you? Is there something that you've always longed to do, but are afraid to try? Have you tried something new to you and felt renewed freedom to be yourself, and a renewed playful spirit (and soul)? 

I'd love to hear from you in the comments!

Blessings to you today, friend!

~Anne

Thanks for stopping by today on the 9th Day of my Soul Spa Series. Please go here for a list of all Soul Spa posts this month! 

Joining up with 100's of bloggers for the month of October. We've each picked a unique topic. It's worth a stop at write31days.com to see what it's all about!

10 things I learned in April

Linking up today with Emily at Chatting at the Sky for her monthly "What I learned" link up! A time where we share the mundane and epic. I'd say most of mine this month are epic learnings. Here, in no particular order, are ten things I learned in April.


A week ago I returned from five days with friends I'd never met in person. We met online through Brene Brown's e-course on her book The Gifts of Imperfection last year. We decided it would be fantastic to meet up in real life!

Each of us had to step out into courage to book tickets or drive to meet one another. What an adventure it was as we met face to face and spent five days seeing the sites of New York City! 

We traveled from Thailand, Utah, Virginia, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Canada, California and Iowa. 

My list of "things I learned" in April is all from this epic trip!



1.  Hailing a taxi isn't as hard as I imagined.  I had been anxious about this part of NYC for awhile. Never had ridden in, much less hailed a taxi. Here are the directions for hailing a taxi:

A. stand out by curb
B. stick out your arm really high, like you are in school
C. step into taxi when it pulls over for you.
D. tell taxi driver the address where you need to go
E. pay with cash or swipe your credit card 


2.  20% tips are the suggested minimum in NYC taxis. I wouldn't want to try tipping less.

3.  This was my first time ever in New York City so I was definitely a newbie at everything. I grew up on a farm and never realized that this kind of trip would be a reality someday! Woo hoo!

4.  The views from the 86th floor of the Empire State Building at midnight are a sight to behold!

5.  Meeting my dear online friends in real life was a huge blessing. Getting to hear their voices and see their smiling faces. Priceless!

6.  Seeing Lady Liberty is so much better than on a post card. She's regal, stately and elegant. I can just imagine how my dad must have felt coming to America in 1948 and seeing her for the first time from his ship!

7.  Going to Ellis Island where my father came in to the United States from Sweden in 1948 was very moving for me. I was able to look up his name on a computer right there and see the ship manifest where his name and important information was written when he was registered. Awesome.

8.  Manhattan has 13,000 taxis, and 85% of Manhattan-ites do not own a car. (wow, I would miss my car!)

9.  Delta Airline snacks brought much more joy than they should have.

10.  I was moved more than I thought possible by Monet, van Gogh, Picasso and Klimt at the Museum of Modern Art in Manhattan. I don't consider myself an art museum junkie at all. But, when I saw these originals, something clicked. I got what all the fuss is about!

There are so many more things I could've written on this list, like how fun it was to walk around on Rockefeller Plaza, where I used to watch Bryant Gumbel, and now Matt Lauer and Al Roker from NBC news interview people right there in front of the building!

Thanks for letting me reminisce a bit on a fantastic trip.

Blessings to you, friend.

~Anne

When fears are like dirty socks

Once upon a time there was a little girl. She had big dreams inside her heart. She knew they were there, even though she didn't really know what all of them were, or what they would turn out to be.

Even though this little girl had dreams, she was often afraid of trying new things.

What if she would get hurt?

What if she would get lost?

What if she just didn't have what it takes?

She grew up being fearful. Whether it was her own fear, or others' fear projected onto her, she internalized it and it became her own. Many of these fears grew with her. 

As she grew older, the fears wouldn't leave. The fears hung around like dirty socks laying on the bedroom floor.

Like walking around the pile of dirty socks, she adapted to some of the fears even though they limited her. Some grew bigger and stuck like glue.


The fear of the unknown kept her inside a shell. 

The fear of failure kept her from trying new things. 

The fear of the future kept her living in the past.

Even the fear of success kept her from really soaring.


Then, one day, the little girl grew up. She had grown taller, older and wiser. 

She found out she no longer had to bow to the fears that had clung like dirty socks to her soul. With wisdom, she began picking up those dirty socks with her nimble and capable fingers. 

Each sock of fear she dumped into the basket of learning and hope. And, each sock of fear that she threw down turned into a possibililty.

The fear of the unknown turned into dreaming of what could be.
The fear of failure turned into permission to learn from her mistakes.
The fear of the future turned into anticipation of all good things. 
The fear of success turned into being true to herself. 

She also began to dig deep to learn where and how these limiting fears started. 

And, why she'd always been so willing to let these fears control her life.

St. Peter's Cathedral--NYC

They'd robbed her of her courage. They'd robbed her of new experiences. They'd robbed her of her self-esteem and self-worth. They had just plain robbed her of life.

She doesn't really know what's next. 
No one ever does. 

But, she's willing to live courageously in the unknown, knowing this is part of her journey.

She's willing to embrace her imperfections and limitations and work toward squashing her fears.

She's living wholeheartedly.
She's living courageously.
She's daring greatly.

Blessings to you today, friend! 

~Anne

Linking up today with the lovely Holley Gerth for Coffee for Your Heart and Kristin Taylor for Three Word Wednesday.

What are words?

What are words, but to share what is in our hearts. There have been many many times in my past that my words got stuck in my throat. Then, there are many other times when I wish they would have gotten stuck in my throat because they came out all wrong.

Have you ever wished you could take back your words?

I have. It’s a very bad feeling when the wrong words come out. Especially if they’ve hurt someone. It’s a bad feeling to be misunderstood. Wishing that the right words would have been spoken rather than the ones that just slipped out without you knowing how it happened.

Starting a blog was an intentional way for me to choose the words I would say and then say them. Maybe subconsciously, it’s been a way for me to rewrite some of those words that I spoke early on in my life that I wish were left unspoken.

Writing is a way to say the good. 

To encourage. 

To give hope and love to a world where it can seem pretty sparse sometimes.

I can choose what I put on here. And, that feels pretty good. It feels good to choose the good to share.

Today, I want to share with you just three simple truths. These truths are life changing if you will let them sink deep down in your soul. 

Ready?

You are loved.

You are worthy.

You are enough.

Think on those good words today, friend, and find hope and encouragement in a world where it seems pretty sparse sometimes.

Thanks so much for stopping by today, friend! I'm so very happy you did!

Linking up today with others at Kate's place for Five Minute Friday for five minutes of free writing without all the fuss over editing and punctuation. Won't you stop by and join in? Today's prompt is "share".

Making fear take the back seat

Linking up with Kate at Five Minute Friday, where brave writers gather once a week to silence the inner critic and just write for five minutes straight, not worrying about edits or backtracking. This week's prompt is "dare". 



I basically started this blog, A Ready Listener, two and a half years ago as a dare to myself. I was actually scared speechless to put my words out there on the “interwebs” for the whole world to read. And, possibly criticize.

What would people think of my ideas and opinions on life? Would they silently criticize me? 

Would they categorize me as something that I don’t want and didn’t intend to portray?

It took two failed blog attempts to finally get one going. It was so difficult to force the words out onto the screen and even more difficult to click publish. It’s still difficult.

But, I guess I've learned to push through that fear and intimidation of putting my words out there, because for two and a half years, I’ve been pretty regularly putting them out there. Putting them out, open to criticism and disagreement.

But, also putting them out there to encourage. The sub-theme of my blog, under the name A Ready Listener is, “pausing to hear the beauty in all of life.”

I guess when I thought about that pause, and the beauty that surrounds me daily, and my desire to encourage readers and bring beauty to their lives, to your life, the fear took the second seat.

Oh, that I will choose to make fear take a back seat in things that I want to do in the future. In things that I have a passion about, but a fear to carry out.

Fear must take the back seat if beauty is to emerge.

Thanks for stopping by!
Blessings to you, friend!

For when you feel weak and small

"In that shaky space is your juiciest wisdom waiting to unfold." 

~Anonymous

What is your shaky space? What makes your palms sweat and your knees knock?

What makes you second or third guess yourself? Or, what makes you want to crawl into a hole and never come out?

What if, instead of dreading those times when our knees knock and our palms sweat, that we actually embraced them?

What if we reframed those moments of fear?

Instead, we could imagine that when our emotions and intellect are put to the test, this is when our best and most purest self emerges.

We really are smarter than we think. Our Creator endowed us with the gift of intuition. Intuition is that deep knowing, that voice deep within that points us to what is best for us.

Trusting our intuition doesn't come easy for most of us.

We're programmed from an early age to not trust it.

Adults always know best, right?

What can we do NOW to empower ourselves? Because that is what really matters NOW.

To tell ourselves the truth.

To tell ourselves NOW that it's in those times that we feel the weakest that we are the strongest, because we are being put to the test. Tests are hard, but they bring out the best in us.

Just because we feel weak, doesn't mean we actually are!

The next time something bad happens or someone says something to make you feel small and weak, remember who you are and what you are made of.

Remember Who made you.
Remember you have wisdom residing within you.

And live within that moment realizing that beauty and wisdom are unfolding inside you.

It's enfolded within you.

Live, knowing what you are becoming.



Blessings to you, friend!

~Anne

I'm linking up today with Holley for Coffee for Your Heart and with Beth for Three Word Wednesday!

When you need twenty seconds of insane courage

I watched We Bought a Zoo with my family the other night. It's one of my husbands favorites, so we've seen it four or five times. I admit, I actually made an inward sigh when that movie was chosen for the night. 

Even though I was sitting in my chair knitting feverishly, I surprised myself by paying more attention to certain parts of the movie this time than I have in previous viewings. 

One of the phrases that Benjamin Mee teaches his son is the phrase, 

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage." 

He says this to his son because his son wants to talk to a cute girl, but he doesn't know how.

Towards the end of the movie, Mr. Mee starts telling the story to his kids of how he met their mother in a cafe. 

He said it took him telling himself that "all it takes is twenty seconds of insane courage" for him to approach the most beautiful girl in the world. He makes sure he tells them it ended well for him, because he ended up marrying her. He tells them, "this is when you became a possibility." I love that.



I can't tell you how many times in my life this statement would have come in handy for me.


Times when I was facing the fear of calling someone I was afraid of, 

walking into the new junior high for the first day of ninth grade, 

or even taking some new medicine that was supposed to help me.



These might seem trivial, but I needed twenty seconds of insane courage to do each of those things, and many more in my lifetime!


Twenty seconds of insane courage. 

You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of 

insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just 

embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great 

will come of it.~Benjamin Mee

This phrase actually prods me on. It bolsters my courage. If I can just muster twenty seconds of insane courage or embarrassing bravery what could I do!?

The possibilities excite me!

If you considered the possibilities of what having twenty seconds of insane courage could propel you do to, what would it be?

Blessings to you today, friend! Such great things to ponder!

~Anne

I'm linking up today with Holley at Coffee for Your Heart and Beth for Three Word Wednesday. 

for when you have shaky knees

My journal lately has become something much different than it used to be.

It used to be all prayers, and mostly whining and begging God to do this or that, or give me this or that, and do it yesterday.

I'm not beyond giving Him thanks, but my words have been slightly weighted on the "gimme" end of the spectrum.

I've noticed a shift in recent months. I haven't recently gone back to study old journals, but I do occasionally peruse the previous entries in my current one.

Instead of lots of begging God for what I don't have, it seems I'm recognizing more what I do have.

I'm comparing the tone of my journal to what's happening in my life.

I'm more content where I'm at. 

It was a struggle to get here.

I'm noticing more lists in my journal. 

Lists of things I've learned.
Lists of possible book topics.
Prayers of gratitude.
Answered prayers.

I see in these pages that I've stepped out and done some hard things recently, but been truly blessed for the doing.

I've stepped into some arenas where the so-called critics seemed like they might devour me, but instead I wasn't devoured. I re-discovered courage to use my voice. Courage to be me in my raw form.

Old patterns threatened to take over, but didn't.

In stepping out into the arena, so often I find strength and beauty there instead of the critics I was expecting.

Strength, power, courage and voice rise up to meet each step I take.

This is beautiful to me.

When I was a little girl, I remember my Dad teaching me the simple melody of an old hymn on the piano.

The words of the chorus go like this:

Trust and obey
For there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus
But to trust and obey

These words come to mind as I think of taking steps of courage into the arena.

Through shaky knees, sweaty palms and a racing heart, the steps into the arena---silencing the fear gremlins---has brought liberty.  

Freedom.

How about you? What's the arena you find yourself needing to enter?
Give yourself credit for taking steps to enter through shaky knees, sweaty palms and a racing heart. I applaud you!

Blessings to you, friend!








Linking up today with Holley Gerth at Coffee for Your Heart.

Shame and Grace in the arena

Today I'm joining up with lots of encouraging writers at Lisa Jo Baker's blog for Five Minute Friday. Five minutes of unedited writing just for the sheer fun of it. The prompt today is grace. 

Shame and Grace enter the arena together.

The stands are sparse, but the people who are there are Comparison and Not Good Enough affiliated.

Shame is huge. 

Daunting. 

Large and bulbous as a sumo wrestler. He looks like he’s in one of those fat suits, but its real. 

Skinny loin cloth is all he wears except for his grimacing face.

Grace enters as well. 

She’s got her armor. 

She’s got her shield. 

It’s not the shield that she’s got to hide behind. 

Her shield is the Truth.

She’s terrified of entering the arena, but she enters nonetheless.

She faces this giant of shame and ugliness and hugeness.

She walks slowly toward her opponent.

The key here, is that she is advancing, not retreating.

She’s ready.

She’s willing.

She’s right there, ready to put out her sword and fight the good fight.

She glances behind her and sure enough, her Prince is in the box seat right behind her cheering her on. 

He’s there alright, because He said he would be, and He's

 good for His word.

As she draws her sword and holds her shield, the sumo wrestler of intimidation and shame staggers. 

He totters.

Before her eyes he slithers. 

He shrinks. 

He’s now down to nothingness. 

Scrawny, skinny, weak.

Grace has won.

Dare to live wholeheartedly {Day 31}

For the last 31 days, I've been writing about things that I want to keep daring myself to be and do. It's been a great journey and I want to thank you for taking the time to come along with me!

Just the term 'dare to be' implies that it is a challenge and that it takes courage.

It will take courage to keep coming against the fear that rises up in me in order to live wholeheartedly.

By wholeheartedly I mean that I want to show up, be seen and live brave. I want to show up with my whole self, as Kara said yesterday, the good and the bad. 

It is only by showing up and letting my good parts and bad parts be seen, that I can live with a whole heart, and also be loved as a whole and complete person.

The past several years I've been intentionally facing some of my fears.

And, you know what? 

The fears that seem like intimidating, giant sumo wrestlers, usually end up being the most scrawny, wimpy, skinny ones in reality. 

They end up being surprisingly easy to take down. 

But, the key is in facing them head on. 

Taking that first step to face the sumo wrestler is by far the most challenging.

Now that the 31 days are over, I want to challenge us to keep daring ourselves. I want to challenge us to live wholeheartedly. To bring our complete and whole selves to all relationships.

To show up, be seen and live brave.

I am planning to dedicate my life to daring greatly. To giving myself permission to do the things that lead me to wholehearted living. In other words...

living with my whole heart.

Thanks again for coming along with me on this journey of Daring to Be. I hope you've found some permission here. I hope you've found some courage.

Blessings to you, friends.

~Anne

What has resonated with you the most in this series? 

What would you like to read more of if you could choose? I'd love to hear in the comments!

This post is the last one of a 31 Day series on the topic Dare to Be and linking up with about 1500 other bloggers on hundreds of topics. Come on over to The Nester to visit!