Layers

yellow feathers collect at the bottom of his cage

it's that season again

a season of shedding the old to make way for the new

i'm like him

the old, outdated parts of me are shedding

they've been peeling away like outdated wallpaper to reveal yet more layers underneath

when will the peeling back of layers be completed?

his molting and growing of new feathers will be complete in a matter of weeks

mine may take weeks, months or even years

a lifetime of time-worn layers peeling off

being scraped away as extra grout

laying at my feet

discarded

how can I ever paste them back to me?

i cannot

nor would I ever want to

those layers of me are in the past

they are no longer me

i will never be the same 

the old me and the new me dance until the day the new me

the new layer is complete

when the muse shows up

Linking up today with other wild and free writers at Kate Motaung's place for the first Five Minute Friday of the new year. This week's prompt is middle.  Five minute Friday is a time when we write for five minutes straight without fancy edits. Just writing for the fun of it. Come on over to Kate's blog to find out how you can join in in 2017!




Sometimes you just don't know when the creative muse is going to show up. It was in the middle of the week before Christmas. I was on the 2nd day of the worst cold I've had in my life. I was sitting on the sofa with my journal and a cup of tea and the muse showed up. 

I had wanted to write a short story for my daughter's short story collaboration called Meet Cute. But, I told her, I just don't have a story ready. I was also hesitant because what if it wasn't good enough for her to pick for her book?? How would I feel?

Well, all of that went by the wayside that morning in December. My pen started moving across my journal pages as fast as you can imagine. I couldn't really believe it myself. I just kept writing and writing and it was fun. I wasn't editing as I went along either. I wasn't scrutinizing my writing. I was just having fun and letting the words tumble out of me and through my pen and onto the page. 

And, I had let myself off the hook. I had told myself it didn't matter if she, as the editor of the Meet Cute book, chose my meet cute story. I decided it mattered just to write a story for fun and see what happened after that.

That's when the creativity usually shows up, doesn't it? It shows up when it isn't pressured to show up. It shows up when it doesn't have to be "included" or perfect. It wants to be free to just "be". 

I loved writing the story called Matt and the Beauty, based on how I met my future husband. 

And, you know what? My daughter really liked it.*

_____________________________________________________


Thanks for stopping by today! It's lovely to have you here,

Anne

*My short story, Matt and the Beauty, will be published along with 18 other short stories with the "meet cute" theme! Meet Cute is a collaboration of short stories along with illustrations from separate artists from around the world. So excited for my daughter Kara Landhuis, editor. Find out more at meetcutebook.com!

{Day 13}: journaling 101

I was eighteen when I started my first journal. Oh, I had written down other things before that, like starting two or three diaries and never finishing them.

Remember those, with the lock and key on them? Nope. Never could stick with those. 

Instead, I began journaling in earnest in my eighteenth year after going through a deep heartbreak.

I bought a 5 x 7 three ring binder. I found some blue quilted fabric with flowers on it in my mom's sewing stash, and some white eyelet trim. I covered that three ring binder by laying it out on the fabric and cutting carefully around it to make it fit just right. I sewed the eyelet lace and fabric around the binder by hand. 

My first journal. 

I made it mainly for writing my prayers and thoughts down. I wasn't told I "should" do this (then, I likely wouldn't have done it!), or that it would deepen my relationship with God or improve my mental health if I kept a journal. This was something that a little voice inside of me said would be a good idea. I've never looked back. 

Writing down prayers and thoughts has been a life-line for my soul. It's truly been a soul spa that I've turned to on a mostly daily basis to clear the soul clutter, pray or just sort out my feelings.

Often, just sitting down with pen and journal and writing out my emotions on a particular issue, the answer will somehow make itself known to me as I'm writing.  

It's like writing down my thoughts and feelings is the key that unlocks answers to my questions.  Often it is a great catalyst to problem solving.

Writing down my prayers helps me stay focused. It also provides a record of prayers, questions, and problems I needed answers to. I've been able to go back days, months, even years later and see how those things have been answered. And, thankfully, I've been able to see how I've grown and changed over the years as I've learned a few things. :)

Maybe you're saying to yourself, "I just can't journal. I've tried. It's not for me." Maybe, you're right. Maybe this isn't for you. 

What about writing down three things a day that you're grateful for? Even that is a spa for your soul as you take a few moments to focus on the good.

Thanks for joining me today, friends!

~Anne

Today is Day 13 of 31 Days of Soul Spas. I'm so glad you've joined me, or even if you're just popping in to see what this is all about, Welcome! You can head over to my first post in this series to get a list of all Soul Spa posts!

Writing for the month of October with a tribe of writers. We all picked our own topic and they can all be found over at write31days.com.

On a February morning

Last year's flower stems quiver in the cold.

The bird bath is frozen over.

The still six-inch deep snow in the yard is now marked by bunny and bird tracks from the past few weeks.

Even when the outside temperature hovers near zero degrees, the birds are chirping.

How can this be?

Did their Creator create them with an innate happiness and contentment no matter their circumstances?

I can learn this.

The giant evergreen outside my front window stands strong in the winter wind, home to Black-capped Chickadees and squirrels who dare to chance the weather to visit our bird feeder.

No matter what goes on in my world, this nature world keeps a live tempo.

The sun rises and sets. 

Snows come.

Snow melts.

Birds fly and nest.

Oh, I so want to write of it, and more!

I want to write of nature.

I want to write of me and my world.

I want to write beauty.

I want to write.

I want to notice in order to write.

So, in order to someday write, I write it down now.

Maybe in the writing of it now, it will prepare me for writing then.

And, then.

Blessings to you,

~Anne

Linking up today with #TellHisStory and Coffee for your Heart, and Three Word Wednesday

how to unearth the {JOY}

Linking up today with the community of writers at Lisa Jo Baker's blog for Five Minute Friday. Today her writing prompt is joy. The idea is to write for just five minutes on the prompt of the day. No backtracking or worrying about perfection. Won't you come and join us?

Sometimes the joy is hard to come by. 

Sometimes you wake up in the morning with a scowl on your face and you’d just as soon slip back under the covers and pull them over your head. 

Who wants to face a day without joy?

On those days where joy is hard to come by, what do you do? 

The joy seems to be the hidden treasure. It seems to be at the bottom of a stack of folded woolen blankets that have been stored for spring and summer.

One way, and really the best way I’ve discovered to unearth the joy is with pen and paper. Yes, that’s right. 

Two very simple tools. 

You don’t even need a shovel.

See, those negative emotions have been building up over time. 

Maybe over the week, or the month or the year. Or even your lifetime. The negative emotions have taken up residence and need to be sent on a permanent vacation.

1. Take your pen in your hand. 

Poised to write now, you have your journal or just a piece of paper in front of you.

2. Start writing. 

Write down the anger, the pressure, the responsibilities you have. No one needs to see this. This is for your eyes only.

There is something almost magical.

I can tell you from experience.

There is something magical about this process of letting the negative emotions come out of your heart and soul, down your arm and onto the paper.

It’s like draining the sink of dirty dishwater after your chores.

It clears your heart, your mind and your soul.

I strongly urge you to try this technique if joy has been hard to come by for you. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for stopping by today, friend! Here's to finding the joy!

Why I write

I'm putting fingers to keyboard today along with lots of other writers at lisa jo baker's blog for five minute friday where we write for five minutes straight. No worries about perfection, this is about writing for the joy of it. 

Come on over and check it out and if you decide to join in, watch out! You're going to be encouraged! Today's prompt is "write". 

**************************************************************

My view of the FMF community

What do you do, when you feel you have multiple books inside of you, but you're not sure how to get them out?

Show up, Be seen. Live brave...is what I keep reminding myself on this little blog.

Yes, it takes lots of bravery for me, and now I'm realizing lots of us, to put pen to page, or hands to keyboard and let the passions, words, thoughts, emotions, dreams and desires flow out to let the world see them.

It's a love/hate, brave/scared proposition, this writing business! I so want to write with purpose, to encourage others in their journeys, in their faith walks.

I want to tell my story, and in the telling hopefully you'll see something and say, "Ahh, me, too!" And, you'll realize anew that you are not a drop in the big sea of life.

But, that you belong to a vast ocean of others who are on this journey called life.

You're not alone, but you belong!

That's my heart's desire.

So, I'm going to keep writing.

Dare to Be: a writer {Day 4}

This post is part of a 31 Day series on the topic Dare to Be and linking up with about 1500 other bloggers on hundreds of topics. Come on over to The Nester to check that out!

I'm also linking up today with other encouraging writers at Lisa Jo Baker's blog for Five Minute Friday. The prompt is the word "write" and the idea is to write for five minutes straight. No editing. Go check out what others have written on this same topic and join in if you like!

Even though it feels funny and kind of like a shoe that doesn’t fit, I’m going to say it anyway. I am going to say. I’m a writer.

I remember writing out pages and pages in high school. It wasn’t just an ordinary journal. It was basically processing the fact that I really liked a guy who didn’t like me back. It was a crush diary I guess.

And, for as long as I can remember now, maybe since that time in high school I have written down thoughts almost daily. Mostly prayers.

I found that writing my prayers keeps me from falling asleep on God and then I can see his answers.

I can actually say that writing has and is saving my life.

I’ve written letters to my young self which has brought so much inner healing.

 I’ve written good bye letters to people who have gone to heaven and people that have moved out of my life but have left pain residue behind. 

This is the writing that has made the most impact on me...

what one author calls depth journaling.

 Writing down the hurts and any negative emotions actually serves to clear our subconscious minds of negative emotions which can lead to physical pain.

So, if you ask me, are you a writer? I might hesitate. I haven’t always considered that my journaling is real writing. But, I’ve got leanings. 

And my leanings say that I am a writer.


How about you? Can you dare to say out loud whatever you love to do? I am a(an) ___________.

five little words

She called me on my son's twenty-fourth birthday, on April 25th of this year. I had poured all of the blood, sweat and tears of my story into two essays in the previous few months. My work was done. I had interviewed. I had visited the school. She didn't have to say those five little words, but she did. And she put a forever mark of kindness on my soul.


She didn't have to say them. She could not have possibly known what her words would mean to me. She couldn't have. She only really knows me as an "applicant", someone who wants to come to the school where she works. She is an admissions counselor. It is her job to recruit people. It is her job to make phone calls. To offer assistance. To provide information to would-be students of their graduate programs. 

Her call in April was to tell me the good news. The essays were tough for me. I had to dig deep into my story...the nitty and the gritty. In one of them I had to find an aspect of my story to compare to a film vignette from Paris Je t'aime. A movie I had never heard of and frankly, it was a little weird in my book. I really had to do some searching to find that commonality. But, I did it. The other essay was supposed to answer a question like, "What excites you about this school? Share your story as it relates to your desired life work and passions." Something like that.

I graduated with a Social Work degree in 1986. Let's just say, many moons ago. Could I write in the APA style? (I hadn't a clue...had to research online.) Could I make the needed parallels with my story? Could I put words together to even make any sense to the admissions team? I have to be honest. I had a lot of doubts. I really did. 

So, her call in April. The first few words after hello were, "Congratulations! You've been accepted!"  What she said next is what will forever be etched in my memory. She said, "It is pretty much the consensus of the admissions team that you are a very engaging writer. And, as for me personally, I just reread your essays to prepare to call you, and I think you are a beautiful writer."  It's those last few words, but really the last five that sank way deep down into a place in me that mattered. Those words touched me deeply because they touched the place where my wounding has taken place. My voice. 

She didn't have to say those last five words. She couldn't have known what those words would really mean to me. But, she said them and I have been forever touched by her kindness.

eyes wide open: to discover creativity {day 17}

I've been reluctant to call myself a writer. I will say, I like to write. Not, I am a writer. Saying that I am a writer seems like I am bragging. I don't feel good enough to acknowledge I am a writer. But, I don't think other people are bragging when they say they are writers!? 

Taking part in this 31 days of blogging has been challenging. But, very fun. I am learning things about writing the more I write. I am learning not to compare myself with other writers. I am learning that not only do I have a voice as in speaking, I also have a writer's voice. At least I am maybe just beginning to get a little tiny bit of a glimpse of my writing voice. It is a journey of discovery.

I mentioned The Mindful Writer book on day one of the 31 days. It is a little book that is a quick read and it had some of the most encouraging words to me as I struggle to find my writing voice. I learned from that author that I am not the only one that struggles to find their writing voice. I am not the only one who struggles with creativity. 

I also picked up a book that my husband had checked out of the library. It was on creativity. I didn't read the whole book (because it was one of those "guy" business books), but the author did have some great quotes that I wrote down in my journal. I've since reread them several times for encouragement in writing. Hugh MacLeod says:

**Put your whole self into it, and you will find your true voice. Hold back and you won't. It's that simple. (there's how to find my voice!)

**People respond to the humanity, not the form. (whew!)

**Whether you're writing to an audience of one, five, a thousand, a million, ten million, there's really only one way to truly connect. Write from the heart.

That's what I'm learning. I am learning to write from the heart and to put my whole self into it. This has not come easy. It took me a long time to gain the courage to even write one blog post. But, I started writing regularly here in May of this year. And, here I am seventeen days into blogging every day in October.  I will  continue on....with joy in the journey!

see day 1 for a list of all 31 posts