The gift to give yourself

Today I'm joining other writers for Five Minute Friday. The prompt is "refine". For the first time ever, I wrote for five minutes, but then let myself keep going. I don't normally like to do that, but I had a lot to say about the topic I chose to write on and the words just kept coming.  Go on over to katemotaung.com to see how you can join in this flash mob of writers too! 

START.

I'm not known for being too organized or efficient. I'm also not known for caring too much about it either. Well, I do care. But, it is definitely not something I'm striving for, to do more quickly.

Maybe I could refine that and improve, but I've never been one to like New Years resolutions. They have always seemed like something that sets one up for failure. I have enough trouble staying in a good place with self esteem, so no resolutions.

I have discovered something about energy balance and self care recently though and I'm passionate enough about the results that I'm going to continue refining what I know and things I do about these two catagories long after 2017 is out the door. 

Know why? 
Peace. 
Joy.
Space to breathe.

Space to think, grow and learn.

Energy balance.
I don't mean acupuncture or holistic medicine. I mean the balance of what kind of energy I'm letting into my life and what energy I'm letting out. 

I've refined my follow feeds on all my social media. This hasn't been a choice really, as I look at how my body handles stress. If something is causing negativity and resulting stress, it's going off my radar.

It might be my age talking here, but I don't have enough margin in my physical, emotional and mental health to tolerate negativity any more. 

Self care. 

Huge!! 

What do I need right now? What will bring joy and help me to focus on gratitude?

STOP

I read just yesterday that if you're grateful, there's no room in your brain for anger. This is from a well known author, but really, I could have told you that. 

If you're like me, anger about just about anything can creep in pretty sinister like. Before you know it, we're feeding that anger and it's getting bigger. According to this author, what we feed gets bigger. 

However,

by intentionally beginning to focus energy and attention on gratitude, the anger has no where to go but out. 

In the beginning of 2016 I started a gratitude jar. I bought a vintage jar and found scraps of paper at first and put these on a prominent shelf in my living room. Every night before bed, I stopped at this shelf and wrote out at least one thing I was grateful for that day. 

I watched this jar fill up. Then, I had to go junking to find another vintage jar because I just can't use a new one. At the end of the year I had filled two big jars to the very brim, even having to shove the pieces down in each one for 365 gratitudes to fit in them.

On New Year's Day I had a huge gift to give myself and it lasted into the next week. I started reading through all of those 365 gratitudes that I'd written each day of last year.

I smiled as I reminisced my time in June with my tribe in Maine. I chuckled at something my hubby had said to me in August. I warmed as I read "today my daughter came home from England" on July 20th. So. Many. Gratitudes. And, I had given this gift to myself without knowing it.

Without knowing it, I had filled two big jars with tons of positive energy. Those two jars sat in my house giving off positive vibes (not trying to be woo-woo here, just funny). It was all I could do to wait until New Year's Day to dig in to them and start being grateful all over again. 


I've begun my 2017 gratitude jar and I'm excited. Every night before bed, I stop at the shelf with the jar and my paper and pen and pause. Sometimes it's hard to think of something right away if the day has been kind of hard.

But this forces me to think of even the littlest thing to write down. Maybe Mr. Cardinal stopped in my fir tree for just a few minutes bringing me joy.

It's not too late to start preparing a huge gift for yourself on New Year's Day 2018! 

Thanks for stopping by today friend.

Blessings, 

Anne

grounds for celebration

What will you celebrate today? It probably won't be the numbers on the scale or the meals that you planned for the week. It likely won't be the errands you need to run, or the fact that your child had a note sent home from the teacher.

I find that sometimes I need to go on a scavenger hunt to find things to celebrate. I hate to say that, but it's true. Some days are harder than others.

Most days feel insignificant and I feel small. What is there to celebrate in that? 

It's then that the day needs to be reduced down to the smallest possible denominator. 

air
water
body
health
love
eyes
nose
ears
hands
legs...

I know I can celebrate each of these things that have so graciously been given to me. And, most times I don't even think about them, unless one of them doesn't seem to be working properly. Even then, it would be grounds for celebration.

I celebrate you and me. I celebrate life.  I celebrate my family. I celebrate my friends.

Even the ending of good things can be celebrated. The ending of good things makes way for more good things to enter in.

Let's celebrate the small. Let's celebrate each other. Let's celebrate the gifts we've been given.

What are you celebrating today?

Blessings to you today, friend.

~Anne

Thanks for stopping by for Five Minute Friday, where a tribe of writers write for five minutes straight on a given prompt. Stop on over to Kate Motaung's blog to read all about it and join in!! This week's prompt is celebrate.

a psalm of gratitude

healing, wisdom, friends,
courage, creativity, 
family, trust,
healthy self-love, 
boundaries--and more and more are 
all because of Him and all from Him 

forgiveness, cleansing, insight, intuition, knowing, 

all from Him

light, dark, 
each step I take, 
each muscle I move is because of Him

the shadows I make as I walk, 
from Him
the sunlight on my hair--from Him

ears to hear with
eyes to see with
a mouth to taste with
hands to touch with
a nose to smell with

all from Him

a mind to reason with
a heart to love with
arms to hug with
all from Him

legs to keep moving forward
and the will to keep going

all from Him

fresh drink of cool water
food to nourish my body and soul
the bread and the wine
all from Him

fish in the sea
bird in the tree
owl on the branch
snail on the path

all from Him

my head on the pillow
my time to dream
peaceful sleep is from Him

Nothing good in my life exists apart from Him.

"Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow." James 1:17

Blessings to you today, friend!

~Anne

Linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart.

Do you have a little change?

"Give a little change today? Do you have a little change?"

He kept calling out to the passers by, of which all of them did. We all passed by this man perched on the ledge of a mid-town Manhattan building. My group and I walked past him as he held out the clear Dixie cup and called

"Give a little change today?"

I averted my eyes. 

I am ashamed to say it, but that's how I've been programmed. What then goes through my mind is why, how and when and all sorts of unanswered questions. 

Guilt because my eyes avert, and I walk past. 
Then my group stood right in front of his space on the sidewalk while we waited for the tour bus. 

"Give a little change today?"
"Do you have a little change?"

The bus hadn't come yet. 
It was sure taking its sweet time. 

Finally, it dawned on me that this time didn't have to be like all the others I've encountered where someone needed money. 

Someone without a home, probably.

I decided that yes, I did have change. That part was very true. 
I decided that this was a door of opportunity for me. 

A different type of door than I've ever encountered, but a door nonetheless.

"Give a little change today?"

And, I opened my wallet and dug out my change.

I walked over to this man sitting on the ledge in downtown Manhattan and I looked into his eyes and smiled.  I dropped the change into his clear Dixie cup.

He thanked me from the bottom of his heart, while mine changed just a little bit that day.

Blessings to you today friend.
May we all be the change, just a little bit.

~Anne

Linking up with the fabulous writers at Five Minute Friday for five minutes of free writing. No fancy edits. Just writing from the heart. Head on over to katemotaung.com for all the details and to join in! This week's prompt is "door".

Surprised by grace

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a tendency to want to control things. I’m not sure when this started.

I know I am not alone in this, but I’m naming it.

This tendency to want to control things (and people) has not served me well. The outcome of this undesirable habit has led me down paths of

regret

disappointment

anger

sadness

unmet expectations.

Not the sort of things I want hanging around, but hang they have, for far too long.

What this is showing me again lately is that I have a hard time waiting well. I want what I want when I want it. (it's the illusion of control)

I think my timing is best. Well, why wouldn’t it be? That’s what would make life the easiest!

I need grace to accept what I cannot control.

I need grace to let go.

I need grace to let people be who and what they are without me trying to change them.

Amazingly enough, when I let go of the need to control, and instead trust grace, I’m usually surprised.

I’m swept off my feet by the sweetest Divine interventions that I could never have planned if I tried.

Consolations and blessings and graces

show their faces

 in ways that make me gasp in gratitude.

Who doesn’t like a surprise, especially if it is a pleasant one?

So, I am faced with a daily, moment by moment choice. Choose to hang on to the illusion of control and be miserable, or 

let go of the illusion of control, grab faith and be surprised by grace.

I know which one I want.

Blessings to you friend,

~Anne

I'm linking up today with Holley Gerth at Coffee for Your Heart and #TellHisStory

When your soul wants to run, count things

What do you do when you don’t know what to do? When your soul wants to run, but there’s no place to go?

Sulk?

Pace?

Run?

Pray?

For me, my instinct is to run. But, to where I don’t know, and usually it isn’t the appropriate thing to run.

That’s what my soul seems programmed to do lately. Run away from what scares me! Run, and don’t look back!

At least this is often how my body reacts.

Mostly it’s false alarms. Usually always.

I’m needing ways to reprogram my soul to stay put. To rest. Stay.

Lately I’ve been grasping at staws.

Oh, I know the old cliché’s.

"This too shall pass."

"This is just a season."

"Years from now you’ll look back on this time and….blah, 

blah, blah."

But, those tired old clichés don’t help now. I’m looking for concrete, practical answers to cope with what I’m going through and not let my weary soul take me someplace I don't want to go.

The fight-or-flight response ultimately takes me nowhere fast.

A couple of nights ago, I tried something different at bedtime. Being a stressful time for me lately, I’ve thought of different ways to calm myself to sleep.

Sounds crazy. Like I need to go back to infant-hood and learn to soothe myself to sleep.

I'm wondering, did I miss something back then?

A couple of nights ago, I laid there with my eyes open groping the dark with my gaze. I was trying hard not to think of those things that cause me fear, dread and anxiety.

I've always heard that it’s easier to focus on something good than to avoid thinking of something bad, so I started thinking good things on purpose. What a novel concept!

I decided to lay there in the dark, with my head on my pillow and count the things I was grateful for that day. I actually held up my finger for #1.

I had everything I needed today

#2 my children

#3 my husband

Whatever good thing popped into my head, I counted it. Pretty soon both my hands were open wide in front of my face. I’d reached ten things.

I started over:

my health

my bed (many people don’t have one)

the ability to brush my teeth (many people don’t have access to this—I don’t think of this often)

Pretty soon my hands were full of grateful things again.

I went through this sequence a third time. And then a fourth. And a fifth.

Pretty soon, I had counted on my fingers in the dark 50 things I was grateful for.

And then I went to sleep with a smile in my soul.

My soul was no longer trying to run away from me.

My soul went to sleep in gratitude.

Thanks for stopping by today, friend! 

~Anne

Linking up today with Holley Gerth for Coffee for Your Heart and with Beth Stiff for Three Word Wednesday.

when you go for a walk in the woods...

As we were talking the other morning about his springtime hobby my oldest son said, “It’s the thrill of the hunt.”

The thrill of the hunt. He must have gotten that from me.

I get that and I said to him, “You are just like me in this except mine is over junk and yours is over Morel mushrooms.” 

We smiled over that.

After lunch, my two sons and I went to a near-by woods.

The wild Blue Bells covering the slope greeted us on the path, mingled with last year’s leaves, broken branches, stumps and full growth trees.

This was a sanctuary.

The gorgeous woods with indigo birds singing, and hidden animals scampering in the rustling leaves.

My oldest son has a degree in Forestry. 

“Look closely around the base of half rotten tree trunks. Especially Elms and Ash trees. Morels love that environment.” 

Crouching down, he modeled to my other son and me how to carefully scan the area beneath these trees to look for these particular mushrooms. 

Trees marked with lightening burn marks, trees with wood pecker holes in them, trees that were half dead.  “This takes patience.” He said.

Pointing to a tiny white flower he bent down and touched it. “These are Dutchman’s Britches”. I’ve never heard of those, but he knew them and sure enough they did resemble upside down white britches.

Dutchman's Britches

Here we were, standing and walking, looking and crouching in the midst of beauty. An unexpected detour in an ordinary day.

The birds singing in the canopy. 

My son pointing out a huge oak. 

He could name these trees just looking at the way the bark ran up the side.

Not surprising for a Forestry expert.

And three indigo birds just sitting on a branch within our view not caring that we were there at all.

After about an hour and a half the breeze had died down and the sun had become warm. No Morels were found today.

We all agreed there was no loss though. A walk in the woods on a glorious day is gift in itself.

Have a glorious weekend, friends!

Linking up today with The Weekend Brew!

If your memory is one-sided

We all have memories that are sometimes stirred by an event, a scent or a conversation. 

Sometimes those memories are ones that we were trying hard to forget. 

Sometimes it takes some effort to remember the truth if it is a memory that causes pain.

Maybe you caused the pain.
Maybe not.

It’s in those times that we need to go back and remember the truth.

We’ve grown. 

We’ve come a long way. 

Most of all, we are forgiven. 

By God.

And, we must be willing to forgive ourselves, too.

God doesn’t remember the thing, the memory that I was trying to forget. If it was something I’m not proud of and have asked His forgiveness,

it’s done!

Hard to imagine that God forgets. But, thankfully He does! 


He says, "I will remember your sins no more!" {Isaiah 43:25}

God chooses to forget our sins, our mistakes. Why should we carry them around in our back pocket so that if our memory is triggered again, it is right there for the taking? 

Our mood gets low, maybe we even get depressed from this memory.

The enemy would love it if we would dwell on that memory that may cause guilt or sadness. But, the enemy has to flee when we know and believe and say the truth. 

That we are forgiven. 

Jesus already paid for the pain I caused either knowingly or unknowingly.

If He paid for my sin with His own life, I choose not to pay for it over and over again through guilt!

Believe me, there are many occasions in my past that if I let myself, I feel a great amount of guilt over. 

But, I know the truth.

And, the truth sets me free.

Actually, being reminded of that thing I am not proud of does trigger a low mood.

For a little while. 

But, then it drives me to gratitude. 

It drives me to remember Christ’s sacrifice for my sin.

It is good for me to remember that yes, He died for the wrong things I have done. 

He has forgiven My sin and taken away My shame. 

He is My Savior.

{Inspired by I John 1:9, John 8:32, John 3:16} 







I'm linking up today with Holley Gerth and other lovely writers at Coffee for Your Heart. Today's prompt is: "No matter what happens, you're going to be okay because..."

Also linking up Three Word Wednesday.

10 Things I learned in November

It's so easy to get into the habit of not writing regularly after writing for a whole month straight in October. So, I'm thankful for Emily Freeman's link up for sharing the things we learned during the month of November! 

Here are a few things I've learned in the past month in random order. I invite you to hop on over to Emily's blog, Chatting at the Sky, to read what other people learned in November!

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1.  Frozen might be rivaling Tangled and Wall-e for my favorite animated film. Even though my kids are now adults, we all still love animated movies, so our whole family went to see Frozen for our annual Thanksgiving movie tradition. This movie is over-the-top cute. You should go see it, whether you are two or ninety two.

2. As one of the lead characters in Frozen, Kristen Bell has a great singing voice! I loved her in You, Again, but I didn't know she could sing. Which isn't saying a lot because I don't really keep up with which celebrities can and cannot sing. 

3. I read an article last week while on the elliptical about weight loss tips from a gal who lost 100 lbs. (is this ironic, or just coincidental that I was reading about weight loss while on an elliptical? I'll have to ask my daughter.) Anyway.....the tip that stood out to me was to focus on my strengths while on my fitness journey.

I decided that I'd rather lift weights mostly on machines in a different part of the gym instead of with dumbbells right near all the Arnold Schwartzeneggers. I was much more comfortable doing the machines. A small change, really, but the impact was huge for my mood while lifting.

4. Gratitude is best when practiced. What I mean is that often I think about being grateful when something good is happening. Brene Brown and Oprah reminded me in last week's online class that gratitude is a practice that we learn by doing. 

We learn by being grateful even when we don't feel like being grateful. 

Oprah says, Gratitude leads to joy. Brene says, Joy is additive. When we practice gratitude we fill our joy reserves. This is not huge information, but it felt like a mental shift happened in my brain. I dragged out the gratitude journal that I started in 2012 and began adding to it again at about #436. I felt so much better about my life after practicing gratitude in this way. 

5. There was a day about two weeks ago, that I felt absolutely stuck with an issue in my life. Prayer wasn't cutting it. Journaling didn't really help all that much. What I needed to do was to phone a friend. So, I did. (sometimes I'm reluctant) I called a friend and basically said "help." She did. She listened and she understood because she'd been in my shoes. Never under estimate the power of phoning a friend when you need help! I'm still learning this.


6. Through this Brene Brown online class I've been given assignments to work on an art journal. I've journaled prayers and thoughts and feelings for years. What I've never done until November was to work on an art journal. I'm kind of intimidated by it. Meaning that I suffer from a huge case of perfectionism. 


But, I'm realizing that being perfect is overrated, not to mention impossible! Actually getting my hands in there and being creative is the idea. And, I've noticed that when I work on my art journal (simple water color painting and drawing) my mood always elevates. Bonus!

7. I had been feeling especially bad about myself and my weight because of the category the trainer at the gym put me in after he weighed me. But, when I went to Maurice's to try on jeans, Taylor the jeans specialist was there. She was truly a jeans artist (and an angel). She said she had read and studied up on their jeans and which styles fit which body types. 

She brought me a pair of sparkly pocket jeans in the dressing room and said,

"Have you seen the traveling pants movie? Well, these jeans are just like that. Everyone who tries them on loves them! They are my go-to jeans!" 

I left with those jeans. And, I left feeling so uplifted by Taylor's care and encouragement in helping me find jeans that made me feel like a new woman! Jeans faeries really do exist! This one's name is Taylor.

8. On the same jeans shopping trip, I asked my college daughter if I was too old for sparkly pocket jeans. She said, "Not if you like them!" So, I guess fifty is not too old for sparkly pocket jeans because that's exactly what I got.

9.  I've discovered that I can get into a creative flow in my art journal or writing while listening to Jim Brickman radio station on Pandora. I've also discovered Anthony Burger so I added Anthony's piano loveliness as variety to this station. Today, I appropriately switched over to Jim Brickman Holiday station, which is working just as well. I love lovely piano music. Without lyrics. And, apparently it likes me.

10. Favorite quotes written in my journal this month. 

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there." ~Rumi

"When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings."~Dean Jackson

Each of these quotes deserve their own blog post, so you never know what might be coming up.

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you are having a great start to December!

~Anne

Fly

They said they would fly by.

The years with my children young I mean.

They were right, but I didn’t believe them.

I was too busy worrying about

meals to plan

laundry to fold

toys to pick up

a house to keep clean

mothering “perfectly”

and, I didn’t really believe them.

I didn’t let it sink in fully.

I let guilt get the best of me at times for not sitting down to play legos.

***********

The years have flown by, just like they said and my children are now the young adults that I thought they’d never be. 

Really.

During those years when they were young, I was busy.

We were busy. 

We were busy just living. 

And the days flew by.

I can’t go back and have a do over in the real sense, but I can always have a do over in my attitude about the years flying by.

My body says: slow down

My soul says: be still

My spirit says: look up

My heart says: hold fast

My mind says: it will all be okay.

My will says, yes Lord.

Yes, to my children as wonderful adults.

Yes, to no guilt.

Yes to I am enough.

Yes to His grace mercy peace and love.

Yes, most of all yes

to the people who were the little ones once and

now yes, to who they are and are becoming as adults.

My children always.

My friends always, too.

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This post is for Five Minute Friday where a community of encouraging writers write for the sheer joy of it for five minutes straight. No edits. Just writing. Today's prompt is "fly". Come on over to Lisa Jo Baker's blog to read more.