Learning to deal with the reel

When I have an experience, good or bad, I have a secondary tape reel that begins to roll. Recorded on the tape are images, feelings, impressions stemming from way back when I was just a wee babe in the cradle. I am probably not aware of what is on that tape. Not unless I've been doing some digging.

As I dig, I am realizing more and more how powerful that tape reel is to my current emotional health. If I think I am angry with someone, am I dealing with just the current anger I'm experiencing, or am I dealing with old anger from the tapes buried under the new anger and causing even more pain? 

I've been reading and paying a lot more attention to my secondary reel (or my subconscious mind) and how it has been having a mind of it's own. I think I am dealing with the current situation at hand and the emotions that go along with it. But, alas, I am also dealing with the reel.

As I sit here at my computer, my breaths are shortened. I find myself anxious. I stop to concentrate on my breathing. I am not even breathing well. Just short breaths that aren't doing much. So, I breathe long and deep. I do it again. I lower my tense shoulders. What is my second reel playing right now that causes my breathing to be shallow and my muscles tense? All I think I am doing is sitting here writing. Something I really like to do. But something on the secondary reel is making me tense.

That's the kind of thing I'm wanting to get beneath. To understand the second reel and how it is affecting how I deal with current relationships, current issues. I don't want to be ignorant anymore about anything that may perpetuate pain in my body, soul and spirit.

Lord, help me learn to deal with the old reel. The new is hard enough alone.