Sunday, October 20, 2013

Dare to Be: Five ways to make peace in your relationships {Day 20}

How do you make peace with someone who's wronged you or offended you?

I mentioned in this post to limit the time spent with people who are toxic to you. 

But, what if you have decided to limit your time with that person, or maybe you've moved on from them (such as a co-worker from a previous job). Maybe you've moved on physically, but mentally and emotionally they are still taking up residence in your mind and soul.

A Ready Listener

What do you do with that residue of hurt that's left over even after the I'm sorrys are said?

Sometimes there is residue left, like coffee grounds in the bottom of your cup.

It's important to be able to get rid of that residue, or in other words, to let go of the hurt and pain. 

To forgive.

Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die. 

Although there are not easy answers as to how to get rid of the hurt for good, there are some things I've learned in order to make peace in my heart. To rid myself of the reside of emotional pain, bitterness or anger. (yes, it's okay for us to say we get angry.)

Following are five ways I've found to be extremely helpful in making peace in relationships.

!. Ask God for help. 

Ask Him for his wisdom and strength to forgive and let go. Most times this is the only way I've been able to even begin the process of making peace. 

If any of you need wisdom, ask God for it. He will give it to you. God gives freely to everyone. He doesn’t find fault. 
James 1:5

2.  Pray for God to bless that person.

Even if you don't consider yourself a believer in God, wishing someone well in your heart doesn't leave much room for wishing them ill. This is not easy if you are still angry and hurt. But, seeing this as an intention really does help.

3. Send a card to the person who hurt you.

I once had a co-worker relationship that was very difficult for me. I ended up quitting the job because of it. But, even after I left, my soul was still holding on to the anger. Sending a card to this person seemed to release the grip of my hurt feelings a lot more. 

4. Give them a gift. 

I know this sounds outrageous. Because it is. It doesn't have to be a large gift, and you probably won't feel like doing it. But, I truly believe the power of the hurt is broken just that much more when we give a gift to someone who hurt us. It can even be anonymous and still work wonders for your own heart.

5. Write a good-by letter.

This is an unedited letter that you write to them, but for your own benefit only. You do NOT send this to them or give it to the one who's offended you. Just write down 
Dear _______________,

And then write all of your hurt feelings down. To them. Anything goes in this. This is solely to drain the negative energy or emotion from your body, soul and spirit. If you choose to, you can tear it up afterwards, or burn it as a sign of letting go.

Lots of times when we make the decision to forgive or make peace the feelings have to catch up. 

Letting go of hurt is a process. 

And, it will be a different process for each person and each situation. 

Just know, that if the feelings to forgive don't show up right away, it's okay. 

How about you? Do you find it hard to let go of hurts? To forgive? I'd love to hear what has helped you in the comments.


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  1. Great advice. Forgiving can be such a challenge, but what helps me the most is going back and reading Scripture, and seeing, once again, that forgiving others is not optional for Christians. If we don't forgive others, the Father will not forgive us of our sins (Matthew 6:15). That's a big incentive, but doesn't make it any easier.

    It's also easy to think just because we forgive that we are required to forget. I don't believe that. I mean if someone killed a loved one, you could forgive them, but could you ever forget? And forgiveness doesn't mean we have to continue having a relationship with the offender. At least, those are my feelings.

  2. I agree with all your points, Dayle. You are right. As believers we are commanded to forgive. That's when I have to fall on my face and ask God to help me to do as He commands. I don't have the strength in myself to forgive without the Holy Spirit's help! Thanks for sharing!


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